Nadya’s voice broke the silence.“You ever think about quitting?”she asked.“Like, walking away and pretending you could have a normal life?”
“I like my job,” I answered.“It gets ugly, but it’s worth it when I catch them.”
She got up, wobbled a little, and came over to stand by my chair.“You’re too good.”
I looked up at her.Her pupils were blown, her skin warm and shiny, and she’d run out of sarcasm for the moment.
“You want to know why I do this?”I asked, stupidly feeling like I should share even though I never talked about this with any of the other victims or witnesses, or anyone, really.Maybe I just wanted Nadya to relate.
She nodded in response.
“Because if someone had done their job, my sister might still be here,” I said.“Because it’s never over for the ones left behind.”
She frowned.“Your sister?”
“Yeah.She was kidnapped when we were little.There’s still no trace of who might’ve taken her, but every time I take a case, there’s this hope that maybe this one will be related in some way.Maybe this time, I’ll find her.”I shrugged.“Someone needs to keep looking.”
Because every time I called the police station in my hometown, I hoped they’d kept looking, but I knew better.A case that old had next to no chances of ever getting solved, so why would they use their limited time and resources on my sister?
Nadya sat next to me, close enough that I could smell the vodka on her breath.She leaned in, resting her head on my shoulder, and let out a sigh that was more sob than exhale.“Maybe it’s contagious.You know, feeling like there’s hope.I watch you work, and I think maybe you’ll find them all and get rid of them.”
I didn’t say anything, just watched the blue glow of the laptop reflect off the window.Outside, the street was empty, the town already asleep or pretending to be.Out there, the world was filled with evil.Any of those darkened windows might hide monsters.I could never catch them all, but I could at least catch some.
Nadya slid her hand along my arm, tracing the line of my scars with her fingers.“Does it ever get easier?”she asked, barely a whisper.
“No,” I said.“But you get stronger.”
She looked up, and for a second I thought she was going to cry.Instead, she leaned in and kissed me.
It was clumsy, vodka-fueled, entirely unprofessional, and something I wanted with every fiber of my being.I let it happen for a heartbeat, then pulled back gently.
“Not like this,” I said, voice soft but firm.
She blinked, then laughed, and the laugh tipped over into a small, shuddery sob.
“Sorry,” she said.“I’m just—I don’t know.I don’t want to be alone.”
“You’re not,” I said.
She nodded, but she didn’t look reassured.Instead of trying again, I helped her to the bed.She didn’t resist, just curled up on top of the covers, shoes and all.I gently removed her sneakers, but left the rest, not wanting to be a creep, especially when she wasn’t in the right state of mind.
Within minutes, she was asleep, but her face never relaxed.Every now and then, she’d whimper, hands balling into fists.
I tried to get back to work, but my eyes kept going to Nadya’s sleeping form.Her hangover was practically a guarantee.I watched her for a long minute, then got up, found a glass, and filled it with water.The drink and a packet of ibuprofen went on her nightstand.There.I could get back to work now.
But when I returned to the laptop, my focus was nowhere to be found.All I could think about was the sound of her whimpering in her sleep, the memory of her kiss, and the way my own hands shook when I thought about everything that had been done to her.
I couldn’t protect her from her past, but I could at least help her close that chapter of her life by seeing those monsters locked away.So far, I had only found one, and there was no guarantee I could prove it in the court of law, but maybe he could lead me to the rest.
