“I’m not going to see you for a while,” he said finally.
“I figured,” I answered, keeping my voice light.“You have to go catch all the bad guys.”
He almost smiled.“You’ll be safe here.Vera and Ljuba are already inside.A couple of agents will be with you just in case.They have a phone you can use that won’t be traced back to you, but you can’t tell anyone anything that will give away your location.Not even what state you’re in.You’ll have everything you need, so there’s no reason to leave.If you need anything else, just tell the agents, and if it’s something they’re not able to find on their own, you can order it online.It’ll be delivered to the FBI office in the area, addressed to one of the agents working with you.”
Art supplies.With all the free time I was about to have and no alcohol to self-medicate with, I’d have a lot of time to paint.Knowing Nick was out there, facing danger, and after seeing the old ghosts coming after me, I would have plenty of inspiration.
There was something they wouldn’t be able to provide, though— Nick.He’d be out there, risking his life to save others.
He took a deep breath, exhaled slow.“There’s something I need to tell you, but I don’t want to screw this up.”He took another breath, the words slow, deliberate.“I love you.”
It wasn’t what I expected.It wasn’t even what I thought I wanted, but when he said it, the world flickered back to color for a second.
I tried to laugh, but it came out as a gasp.“Me?”
“You,” he said.“It’s been you since the first time I woke up to your elbow to my eye and your hair in my mouth.”
I felt heat crawl up my neck, but I didn’t look away.
He leaned in, voice gone low and rough.“When this is over, I’m coming back for you.I’m going to move to New York, get a real apartment, buy groceries like a normal person.”His lips twitched like he was hiding a smile.“Maybe even catch Meatball and domesticate that bastard.He can have the couch as long as he doesn’t attack me in my sleep or steal my pizza.I draw a line on pizza.”
I snorted, the laugh raw and a little wild.“New York pizza is sacred.”
Nick’s face turned serious again.“I want to give us a real chance.”
His words hung between us.
I thought about running.He was too good for the likes of me, but he could decide who was and wasn’t good enough for him, and I wanted to be selfish.
“I want that, too,” I said.
He nodded, but there was a tremor in his hands when he cupped my jaw, kissed me soft and urgent, like he wanted to memorize every second.I kissed him back until the taste of him was burned into me.
When he pulled away, his eyes shone with longing.
“If you can’t transfer, maybe I could come to Philly.Or we could do long distance for a while, if you want.”I bit my lip nervously.“I love you, too, in case you didn’t notice.”
He grinned, for real this time.“You look good on a motorcycle.Maybe we can figure out something about treating your phobia enough for you to get a driver’s license and then a motorcycle license?”
I wiped my eyes, a little embarrassed that I’d be losing it over something so normal as talking to a man about the future we might be able to build, but I had never imagined I’d be this lucky.“Maybe.”
Nick squeezed my hand one last time, then let go.“I’ll see you soon, Sleep Brawler.”
“Be careful,” I said, hating that he’d be in danger, but knowing how important this was to him.
He walked me to the rest of the way to the cabin, gave me one last kiss, and stepped back, leaving me in the capable hands of the other agents.
For the first time in a long time, I let myself believe that I could be loved by the most incredible man I’d ever met.
