“What does it matter?”
“They did then.”
Rafe sighed. “Does it make you feel better knowing that? At least none of the punishments left scars. Tristan can’t claim the same thing.”
“I wouldn’t have left you there if I’d known what truly took place within its walls. I thought it a place that took care of orphans and abandoned children. Not abused them.”
Rafe had never wanted his brothers to know what he’d suffered. It had made him feel weak that he’d not been able to stand up for himself, that even the heritage of which he’d been so damned proud carried no sway within the confines of the workhouse. It had only made things worse because no one believed him. They ridiculed him and made his punishments harsher. Everyone had only served to reinforce his suspicions regarding why his brothers had left him behind: because he was inadequate, unable to be of any value in helping them escape. He was a deterrent, a burden, incapable of carrying his own weight. “I truly see no point in traveling this path. It only serves to bring to the surface what is best left undisturbed.”
Sebastian studied him for a moment, while Tristan contemplated the contents of his glass.
“As you wish,” Sebastian finally said. “We won’t talk of the past then. But we can move forward. I want my son to know you, to know both his uncles, to understand that what he inherits, he does so only because you and Tristan were willing to fight with me for our birthright. He needs to fully comprehend the legacy that is being passed down to him.”
Rafe almost responded, “No, he doesn’t. Not my legacy at least.” Instead, he said, “Once I left”—escaped—“the workhouse, and made my way to London, not everything I did was within the law.”
“You think that everything I did was?” Tristan asked. “I wasn’t serving in her Majesty’s navy, you know. I was on a ship captained by a man who thought laws only applied when he was on land—and then only when he was in the mood to heed them. On his ship, he was Caesar. We didn’t always come by our spoils honestly.”
“But when you were captain of your own ship?”
Tristan swirled the liquid in his glass. “A ship I won at cards. Cheated to obtain it, if you want the truth. Because I was desperate to have it, to be in control. My point is that we have all done things with which we must live, but at least we are here to live with them. I for one am glad of that. Even arguing with you is better than not having you around to argue with.”
Rafe looked over at Sebastian. “Does he always talk this much?”
“Afraid so, but every now and then he does say something worth listening to.”
“I wouldn’t have to carry the weight of the conversation if you weren’t so melancholy. It’s the horrors he faced in the war,” Tristan added for Rafe’s benefit. “The one thing you can say is that we’ve not led boring lives. Perhaps we should consider that Uncle did us a favor.”
“No,” Sebastian growled at the same time that Rafe said, “Never.”
Tristan appeared very pleased with himself, as though he’d just proven that for all their differences, they did have commonalities. “Join us on the ship Friday.”
Begrudgingly Rafe said, “I’ll consider it.”
“Well, then we’re making progress.” Tristan downed his drink and stood. “Now, if you gents will excuse me, I need to dance with my wife.”
Rafe watched him stride from the room, before setting his own glass on the mantel. “I should be off as well.”
“He’s not as unaffected as he acts,” Sebastian said. “Did you know that I sold him?”
Rafe hadn’t known, but before he could respond Sebastian continued. “For a pouch of coins so I could purchase my commission. He never said a word. After we reached the wharves. He just remained stoic and silent. It always haunted me.”
“Unlike me, who blubbered and begged.”
“You were only ten. It tore me apart to leave you behind, but it was either the workhouse or settling you with gypsies. I didn’t know how else to protect you. And in spite of the hardships I suspect you suffered, I’m extremely proud to call you brother. You not only survived, but you’ve done very well for yourself.”
Rafe didn’t know what to say, how to respond. “I need to make sure that Evelyn is carrying on all right.”
“Off with you then.”
Rafe was halfway across the room when he stopped and said over his shoulder, “You’re a better man than I am. YouandTristan.” It was all he could give his brother for now, but perhaps it was a start.
Chapter 16
She was in her nightdress by the time she heard him leave his bedchamber. She expected him to come to her, but instead his footsteps echoed in the hallway, growing fainter as he retreated down the stairs. She considered crawling into bed, but had decided this mistress business involved more than what happened between the sheets. He might not want it to be so, but it was. For whatever reason, he was estranged from his brothers, and while he might not admit it, it caused him considerable pain.
Grabbing her wrap, she slipped into it and belted it firmly at her waist before heading out of her room and following the path she was certain he had taken. He might have gone to his club for all she knew, but she hoped not. She knew it was his place of solace, when she dearly wanted to play that role in his life. She wasn’t certain when she’d developed such a fondness for him. He was obstinate, moody, and didn’t possess a frivolous bone in his entire body, but for the moment at least, he was hers.
Until he tired of her, she intended to have some purpose in his life other than looking presentable and being available for him to slake his lust upon. Because it was after midnight, the servants were already abed, so she opened the door to the library herself, not even certain why she knew that she would find him there—if he were still in residence.
