She watched him now as he removed the timepiece from his waistcoat pocket and glanced at the time—as though the watch was more accurate than the clock ticking away on the mantelpiece. “Is thatthe one?” she asked quietly, knowing he’d need no further identifiers, not certain why she’d not thought to ask him before.
He leaned forward to show it to her nestled against his palm. She inclined toward him to see it better. A stag was intricately carved on the cover. “Lessened my guilt,” he said, his voice low, the words meant for only her, “because it had no coat of arms or inscription to indicate it had any sentimental value. Just something a wealthy bloke purchased so he’d always know the time.”
She almost asked if he’d be passing it on to his firstborn son, but that would mean shining a light on a future they both seemed reticent to discuss.
Every night he brought her pleasure—sometimes in a different way, sometimes in a familiar way, but never in a way that completely claimed her as his, that changed the status of her virginity. Often it felt as though her body was screaming for him to take her fully, to plunge into her, to ride her. It was an almost animalistic need.
She thought there were times when he was in need as well because he would utter guttural groans that echoed around them as though he was in pain. Even though he’d taught her how to bring him pleasure, she often felt bereft afterward, as though it wasn’t enough for either of them.
“I probably give it more credit than it deserves in an attempt to justify my actions, but it changed the course of my life.”
As he held her gaze, she thought perhaps he was referring to more than the watch, was applying the same influence to her. What she did know for certain was that he had changed the course of her life. That she seldom thought about returning to Society, that she no longer was certain that if she did, she would find that for which she’d been searching.
She’d begun to believe that what she’d been searching for was right here. Within the walls of this residence with him.
“Look at that,” Jewel said, “it’s past time for us all to be abed. You’re falling down on the job, Beast.”
Althea glanced at the mantel clock. Two minutes past the hour. It made her smile to have a reminder of the many nights when they’d looked at neither watch nor clock, so lost in each other they’d become.
He unfolded his body and stood, and the more recent nightly tradition of traipsing off to ready themselves for bed at the same time began. When it was completed, shesat on the bed and waited, setting free the buttons on her nightdress that she’d secured while Hester was helping to prepare her for slumber. She loosened her hair that Hester had patiently plaited.
The knock came. She opened the door. He closed it. They were together, alone at last.
As he did every night, he doused the lights, leaving only the fire on the hearth to hold the shadows at bay, and it did a very poor job of it. She wanted to do what they did in sunlight, with the sunbeams caressing him so she could see every one of his movements in exquisite detail.
She slipped off her nightdress. He tossed his shirt and trousers aside. They crashed into each other in the center of the space between door and bed, and hungrily joined mouths as though he’d returned from an odyssey that had spanned years instead of only an hour.
She lifted her hand, and he threaded his fingers through hers before tucking her hand behind her back, arching her so her breasts were offered up for a feast that he devoured with such skill she almost came completely undone then and there.
Since Christmas Eve, he had learned her body so well, had encouraged her to share what she liked, what she didn’t, when she needed him to be soft, when she required that he increase the pressure. When slowness would better suit the purpose. When speed was of the essence.
She loved this aspect of him. That he was so comfortable with the act, made her comfortable with it, with something the upper crust preferred to pretend never occurred. It was certainly not to be discussed.
The naughty words he uttered didn’t seem naughty at all, just sensual and erotic. At first, she’d only shyly muttered them, but now she used them when it suited her, when she wanted to drive him a little more wild with desire.
He backed her up until she hit the bed. As though she was little more than a child’s rag doll, he lifted her and tossed her onto the duvet-covered mattress. Followed her down, taking possession of her mouth once more before leaving it to take his mouth on a languid journey down her throat, over her breasts, along her stomach to the heart of her core where he began licking her, and her limbs went lax.
“I’m not going to become a courtesan.”
He stilled, waited a heartbeat, lifted his gaze to hers. In spite of the shadows, the absence of enough light, she could still make out his beautiful features, see the fire burning in his eyes. “Why?”
One word. A simple word. Yet, it contained myriad questions.
She reached for him. He took her hands, knotted their fingers together, pushed himself up, placed their hands on either side of her head, and gazed down on her. “Why?” he repeated, and in his voice, she heard doubt and hope.
“Because it’s no longer what I want. It’s not what I need. Because I’m happy here. With you. Because I love you.”
With a groan that sounded as though his heart had been ripped from his chest, he lowered his head to the swell of her breasts, kissed one and then the other. Then he just lingered there, breathing in and breathing out, and she feared she’d made a terrible mistake in uttering the words.
“It’s too big, Thea,” he said quietly, “to have your love. It makes me feel as though my heart will explode through my chest.”
He shifted until he was once again gazing down on her. “Do you know when I first started falling in love with you?”
Since she didn’t know he had, she could only shake her head, even as her own heart soared with the knowledge that this remarkable man loved her.
“When you told me that you were none of my bleedin’ business. The first fall wasn’t much of a drop, but every day I learned something else about you that made me fall just a little bit further. I’m still falling. I suspect I’ll keep falling until I draw my last breath.”
“Ben,” she whispered, too overcome by his admission to say much else. What they felt for each otherwastoo big, yet not big enough.
