His sigh could have toppled trees. “It’s not one of my prouder accomplishments.” He hadn’t had enough scotch to reveal everything, didn’t want to reveal anything, but she sat there, petting her dog, patiently waiting, her gaze steady and unblinking. She wouldn’t sit in judgment, no matter what he confessed. He was certain of that. In only a few days, his opinion of her had altered dramatically. She was someone his sister would enjoy spending time with, someone his brother would realize was not cold marble. He could imagine his father bringing his traitorous thoughts here because he hadn’t invested his life with Esme, because he wouldn’t consider his actions a betrayal to her. Whereas he had to know he was betraying his wife and children. Perhaps he’d become scarce around his family because of the guilt surrounding his plans. But here, he could drink his scotch and find some measure of peace. Never knowing the woman with whom he felt safe, the one he proudly escorted about town and made no qualms about introducing as his mistress, might very well lead to his downfall. She was so easy to trust. Marcus could hope only that he wasn’t falling into the same trap.
“As you’re well aware, before they hanged him, the Crown stripped my father of his titles—a dukedom and an earldom—and properties, everything entailed. They even managed to take a good bit that wasn’t. The price of being a traitor. I’d never considered myself to be anything other than the heir, the future duke. I discovered later that Griff had his dreams for a business—”
“The Fair Ladies’ and Spare Gentlemen’s Club.”
“He hated being the spare. Doesn’t admit into his club any firstborn son who will inherit a title.” Hence, the spare gentlemen. “He thinks we get enough attention from among the ladies of the aristocracy.”
“I’m rather certain you did—if the gossip sheets are to be believed.”
“I didn’t fare too poorly but was rather glad I hadn’t taken a wife who’d have been forced to endure the mortification and censure when our lives went to hell. We were all unprepared. I’d not pursued any personal financial endeavors as I had access to the family funds and was spending my days learning all that was involved in managing the estates—my responsibilities and duties there. I had a bit set aside from wagers made, but for the most part I was invested in ensuring I did right by everything and everyone who would one day be entrusted to my care.”
“Then it was all taken away. Your future, your plans. All that you envisioned your life would be.”
He heard true empathy in her tone and wondered again what path she had traveled to be where she presently was. What had been torn from her grasp?
“The little I did have I used to ensure Griff and Althea at least had a roof over their heads. But I was consumed with anger, not fit company for man nor beast. For a while I became lost in the murkier aspects of London. I believed my father had to have been associated with the vilest of creatures. And so I hunted there. Eventually I crossed paths with the Devil’s Hand gang and was recruited by Willie. I learned to pick locks, break fingers, and frighten those who owed him money. For a while I found the violence cathartic. I welcomed getting embroiled in fisticuffs, striking out, causing hurt, being hurt. I’m ashamed of that now, to know that I have it within me to be barbaric, that there is a darker aspect to my character.”
“At heart, I suspect a bit of barbarian lurks inside all of us. You’ve obviously regained control of yourself. Perhaps you felt you were deserving of some punishment for your father’s actions.”
He shook his head, even though he was in complete agreement with her. “How could I have not known what he was about? I was determined to use my association with the Devil’s Hand to my advantage. I began to ask around—if I wanted a member of Parliament, a prime minister, or even a queen killed, who would I hire? I was a bit more subtle, but you get the gist of it. Now and again, the name Lucifer surfaced. A night came when one of Willie’s henchmen, knife in hand, attacked me. Griff had begun watching my back and he did the blighter in. He had no choice, but it ate at him. Soon after, we parted ways and he opened hisclub. I left Willie and his gang behind and struck out on my own. A few more attempts on my life convinced me I was close to learning something. So I came to you hoping you might have the missing information I sought and here we are.”
Here we are.
Where exactly were they?
In her entire life, Esme had never felt quite so unsure of her place. If he were a mark, someone from whom she’d been ordered to gather information, she’d be striving to seduce him with kisses and promises for more intimate encounters, which she would never keep. But they were willingly sharing their knowledge, were uncovering much of it together, so seduction wasn’t necessary. And yet, she found herself wanting to seduce, to be seduced, to hold fast to those promises that would lead him into her bed. He’d certainly kissed her as though drawn to her, but he’d been prudently keeping his distance ever since she’d left him in the ring.
She was struck with the realization that even though Marcus had associated with the worst of what London had to offer, he was a decent man. Lost for a while but clawing his way back to civility. Even when blinded by anger at his father’s betrayal, he’d ensured his siblings were provided for as best he could.
From infancy, he’d been walking a path, a single destination ahead and always in sight—whensuddenly the road beneath his feet had crumbled into an abyss. She’d had a similar experience in her youth but had decided to travel the new road upon which she’d landed. It held no surprises until him. He was a surprise. “So who is this eight of diamonds?”
“I haven’t a clue. That’s the beauty of this system. Everyone is anonymous.”
“What card was associated with you?”
“I refused to take one. I wanted people to know who I was, so I simply went by Wolf.”
As he’d explained earlier, an homage to the title he would have inherited. “What will you do when all this is behind you?”
“Short of the Queen returning the titles to me, which I’m fairly certain won’t happen, I’ve considered hiring out as a private detective. If I’m—we’re—successful here, hopefully my name will no longer be associated with treason but some sort of heroics, and my reputation as a man of honor will be restored. People, especially those among theton, will feel they can trust me again. There’s always some daughter who has run off, a son engaged in mischief that needs to be confirmed, or an unfaithful spouse who needs to be caught in the act if a divorce is to take place. In some ways, during the past year, I’ve felt more alive than I ever had before. The cloak-and-dagger aspect appeals to me. Tonight, creeping through Podmore’s hallways”—he shook his head—“I’d have rather not found him dead, but I relish that edge of danger.”
He was holding her gaze, delving into her soul, waiting, she was certain, for her to confess the same. And so she did. “I have found something about the danger to be quite addictive. I think perhaps it’s the never knowing what I’ll find. Or that moment of uncertainty, when I don’t know if I’ll be triumphant. Sometimes I feel that much of my life is simply holding my breath, waiting for the singular second that snatches it away completely.”
“Precisely.”
She couldn’t tear her eyes from him. Never in her life had she been so mesmerized, had she felt sounderstood.
“How long have you been doing this?” he asked quietly.
“A decade.” A puff of laughter escaped from her. “I can’t believe it’s been that long. I was twenty-three when I went to work for the Home Office.”
“That bodes well for me then when it comes to a lifetime of satisfaction if you’ve not yet grown weary with the task.”
“I can’t imagine doing anything else, of being content to pour tea for friends in the garden in the afternoon. Although at one point that was what I saw as my future.”
“What happened to change it—your future?”
Within her lap, Laddie began to squirm. Thank goodness. The intensity with which Marcus was studying her made her want to tell him everything—but the memories, even after allthese years, were painful and she didn’t want to travel through them. Not tonight. Not with him. She never wanted him to pity her, and he would. She wouldn’t be able to stand for him to know of her weakness. “I have to take Laddie out into the garden.”
