The very last thing she wanted was to spend time with Knightly.
No, the very last thing she wanted was to lose her trusts. She could find employment somewhere, surely. For a newspaper perhaps. Although she was fairly certain the income wouldn’t be nearly as generous as the yearly amount she was presently accustomed to receiving. She’d be unable to afford servants, except perhaps for Millie who might be content with a roof over her head and food. In exchange for which, she could watch over Arianna. Regina would need someone to care for her daughter if she herself had to be out searching for stories.
Then there was the matter of someone learning she’d given birth to a child out of wedlock. That sort of situation was terribly frowned upon. No one would hire her under those circumstances. She could claim to be a widow. She’d considered it when she’d first returned to England, but the deception didn’t sit well with her—now, however, she was turning to deception at Knightly’s urging in order to protect herself and her daughter.
She could devote herself more enthusiastically to her writing. She had earned a tidy little sum on her first book, althoughlittlewas the important word there. But if she wrote novels of romance and adventure, with heroines to capture ladies’ imaginations, perhaps she could eke out a modest living. She’d received several letters sent toAnonymousorAuthor of My Secret Desiresviaher publisher who had passed them on to her solicitor who had, of course, delivered them to her. Most praised her writing and encouraged her to write another tale. Oddly, she’d not had a single woman complain aboutMy Secret Desires. Only the men. Perhaps they were threatened by the notion of a female protagonist who would not be cowed.
In spite of the current upheavals, she was making good progress on the second volume. Writing the first had been draining, but the second, because most of it was indeed fiction, was a more joyful experience. She could shift the story’s focus, so it didn’t relate to the first at all, so it was clearly a novel. It was something to ponder.
She might ask Knightly for his opinion on the matter. No, she absolutely would not. He was not a confidant for God’s sake. He was a fellow conspirator, and nothing more. Once this Bremsford business was behind her, she’d never engage with him again.
She hated the sense of loss that thought brought with it. Damn the man. Even when she didn’t like him, he had the ability to occupy far too many of her musings.
The carriage finally turned into his drive, and she tamped down the excitement that arose from a past habit of when she’d always anticipated moments with him. Now they were merely to be endured. She didn’t bother glancing out the window, but rather studied her knotted hands, striving to bring a calm to her erratic heart and a neutrality to her features. While she appreciated his willingness to assist her, she wanted to make it clear she felt nothing even remotely joyous toward him.
After the vehicle came to a stop, the door immediately opened, and he was there extending his hand toward her. Had he been waiting for her out here? No, he’d probably had someone watching to notify him of her arrival. “I trust you had a pleasant journey.”
“Yes, thank you.” She placed her hand in his and, as he closed his fingers around it, commanded her heart to still itself. While he wasn’t wearing gloves, she was wearing leather ones, so it wasn’t as though it was skin upon skin, but just like last night, it felt magical all the same. Damn, the man.
Gracefully, she alighted, and he released his hold quickly, no doubt because Millie hovered in the doorway. Regina watched as he greeted her maid before helping her to clamber out. Millie was adept at blending in. She wouldn’t expect to be included in conversation. However, she’d be vigilant in watching her charge, but unobtrusive. Certainly, she wouldn’t bring out a scrap of yarn and measure the distance between Regina and Knightly, who at that moment swept a hand off to the side. “I’ve had the horses readied.”
Regina looked in the direction he indicated, and her breath backed up in her lungs. His horse she recognized, but standing beside the gelding was a glistening black mare with a pure white mane and tail. In awe, she slowly began walking toward her. “Oh, my word. She’s gorgeous. I’ve never seen the like. Wherever did you find her?”
“I told a breeder I know that I was in search of something unique. He found her for me.”
When she was near enough, she took hold of thebridle and rubbed her hand along the horse’s forelock. “What’s her name?”
“Queen. She was meant to be your wedding gift.”
She jerked her head around to stare at him, but he was watching his hands as he tugged on his gloves. Was this horse proof he had intended to marry her, that as he’d divulged, she wasn’t the reason he had changed his mind?
He lifted his gaze, pinning her to the spot. “You can take her with you when you leave, if you like.”
“I’m not going to accept a gift from you.”
“You’d be doing her a favor. She doesn’t get ridden as much as she’d like. She’s gentle. Your daughter could ride her.”
Queen nudged Regina’s shoulder, and Knightly smiled. “She likes you. She knows where she belongs.”
She hated him even more for this, for making her want the mare, for making her wonder what had truly transpired all those years ago. “I wish you would tell me the truth of what happened.”
“Shall I hoist you in the saddle?”
For a moment it was as though he’d asked if he could put her in his bed, and she wasn’t altogether certain she’d have said no. She wanted him to touch her, with his hands, with his lips, with his words. She longed to understand how he could go to such trouble to find her the perfect present, knowing how much she loved to ride, and yet subsequently break her heart. It made no sense whatsoever, but his quick deflection of the question indicated he wasn’t going to tell her anything. What was the secret he held so close, so tightly? Did it choke him as hers did? Shewasn’t going to beg or nag or goad him into telling her, because she, too, was keeping things from him. “Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”
She shifted into position and realized the saddle, too, had been made for her. AnRwithin a circle of flowers intricately carved within the leather. What did it all mean?
“Turn about,” he said.
Then she was looking up into his deep blue eyes, trying to decipher all the emotions they seemed to be conveying.
“As I mentioned before, it had nothing at all to do with you. I’m incredibly sorry, Regina, that I’ve brought you such trouble, but I promise you will not pay any other price for it. Bremsford will not learn the truth. Speculation will soon cease. You will have the wedding and husband you deserve.”
“You never call him my brother.”
“Having had a brother myself, I know Bremsford is not worthy of the distinction. A brother doesn’t seek to destroy his sister.”
“I guess we’d best get on with the... pretense.”
