“A younger chick, huh?” Bridget chuckled and shrugged. “Age is just a number, Cain. You shouldn’t let that bother you too much.”
“I’m not too hung up on that, but—she doesn’t sound like she’s very interested in a relationship. Her friend forced her to sign up for the matchmaking service and she’s had bad experiences in the past.” I sighed and shook my head.
“It sounds like you two might be a match.” Bridget grinned. “Maybe you could be miserable together.”
“Maybe…” I leaned back in my chair. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to write her back.”
Bridget went outside for her nightly dose of herbal relaxation and after she came back in, we watched television for a little while before she called it a night. I read through Chloe’s letter a few more times and decided to go ahead and start working on my response. I retired to my bedroom with a pen and a piece of paper. I stared at it for several minutes, trying to figure out what I should say. I finally decided to try and be as truthful as Chloe was. If we were ever going to become more than pen pals, she deserved to know what she was getting into.
Dear Chloe,
Thank you for your letter. My name is Cain and I’m thirty-five years old. I graduated from high school, joined the Navy, took advantage of an opportunity to join the SEAL team after serving on a ship for a couple of years, and then I became a firefighter after I returned to civilian life. I’m proud of what I did to serve my country, but it wasn’t my real calling.
Surprisingly, we had a similar route to What the Heart Wants. I would have never gone there on my own, but my ten year old niece decided to sign me up without my knowledge. She’s kind of become my whole world since I returned to civilian life, and it’s hard to disappoint her, even if it requires me to do something outside of my comfort zone.
I don’t know if I’m as jaded as you when it comes to love, but a relationship was the last thing I was looking for when I got Grace’s call. I’m not opposed to love, nor do I believe it’s impossible, but I know that I’m a complicated person. Real love requires work and absolute devotion from both people, and that doesn’t seem to be in our nature as human beings anymore. Too many people take the easy way out when their fairy tale ending hits a few bumps. I can’t imagine putting that much work into something, sharing everything with another person, and then walking away because it stopped being easy. That makes it hard for me to trust, and trust is everything.
I hope things are going well with your job hunt. If you’d like to write me again, I’d love to know more about you. I don’t know if this is going to lead to anything, but Abby would be very disappointed if I didn’t try.
-Cain
I stared at the letter and decided to seal it up before I changed my mind. I shared more than I normally would, especially with someone I just met. Writing it out seemed to be a lot easier than actually saying the words. Chloe had been open and honest about her feelings, so I figured it was best to give her a glimpse of who I was as well. We had different reasons for the hesitation that kept us from finding someone, but there were definitely some similarities.
If she doesn’t write me back, I won’t have to feel guilty when I tell Abby it didn’t work out.
I laid down in bed and my mind started to wander. Chloe might have been younger than me, but she had felt heartbreak before. It seemed like it made her stronger, even if it did leave her with a lot of hesitation when it came to love. It was possible that her experiences would make her value a relationship like I did, if we ever got to that point. Trust would never be easy for me. That was more complicated than just giving away my heart—that was severing a piece of my soul and putting it in another person’s hands—while hoping they didn’t crush it.
Bridget’s experiences were part of the reason trust was difficult for me. The man who got her pregnant left before Abby was born. I would never be able to do that to someone, nor would I abandon my child. It was the other side of that equation that worried me most. What if I did fall for someone and we were blessed with a child? What if she was the one who left before the baby was born? I would fight until my dying breath if that happened. I would never let my child grow up without a father.
I don’t know what I would do if someone tried to take that away from me…
* * *
The next morning
“Okay, I have to go to work.” I picked up my car keys and looked back at Abby, who was plowing through a bowl of cereal.
“You won’t be here when I get home from school will you?” She stopped eating and stirred her milk aimlessly.
“No, but after today, I’ll be here for two days straight!” I tried to put some enthusiasm in my voice, like I normally did when she got upset about my schedule.
“Yeah…” She nodded. “But I might have homework today.”
“We made sure everything was done for the rest of the week.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Right?”
“The teacher could assign something…” She stirred her milk a few more times.
“I’ll help you if that happens.” Bridget walked into the living room, still trying to get an earring in her right ear. “Hurry up and finish your cereal or you’re going to miss the bus.”
“I’m done.” Abby put down her spoon and reached for her book bag. “Bye…”
“No hug?” I extended my arms as she walked past.
“Okay.” She gave me a quick hug and walked out the front the door.
“She gets so upset when you’re not here.” Bridget shook her head back and forth after Abby was gone.
“She won’t care in a few years.” I chuckled under my breath. “I guess we should cherish it while she’s still young.”
I watched until Abby got on the bus and then said goodbye to Bridget before leaving for work. I was running a few minutes late, but I still wanted to drop off the letter. I pulled up outside the agency and stared at the envelope for a few seconds before walking up to the front door. The agency was closed, but there was a mail slot on the front door. I took a deep breath and pushed it through the slot. I hesitated for a moment, then finally let it go.
No turning back now.
