With a sigh, I look her in the eye. “Yes, I have. But they were women who were predators or were doing bad things. They weren’t innocent women. We’ve never dealt in affair hits either. Those kinds aren’t worth the drama and hassle.”
She nods. “I see.”
I can’t help but need to explain it more. “I don’t love the job, Jo. I don’t look forward to killing people, and it’s never easy. Not even with Sacha. I might’ve not liked him, and he was a threat to you and your father, but taking a life never gets easier. There’s always some level of shock that goes with it. I’ve learned to push it down. I just need you to know that I don’t love it or anything. It’s a job.”
She licks her lips and I realize she’s probably thirsty.
“Then why do you do it? If you don’t like it, quit. I don’t see why you keep doing it if you don’t like it.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think most hitmen enjoy it, Josie. For one reason or another, we became good at killing. I don’t think my Dad liked it before he retired, and my brothers feel about it the same way I do. We were born into this, it’s expected of us to carry out hits on people. The majority of them are very bad people. The way I see it is we’re population control. The garbage men for the shit people in the world. All our hits have a purpose. The Bancrofts take pride in what they do.”
She leans back onto her arms. “You can spin it any way you want, Cason. The fact of the matter is you still kill people and women. If I don’t come over to your side and say something to the cops, will you kill me? Put a bullet between my eyes?”
I stand from the chair and step back from the bed. “Don’t say shit like that, Josie. I’m doing everything in my power so that won’t happen.”
“What would my father think if I suddenly disappeared? How would you cover my death? I’m not the type to run off and not say anything to him or not keep in touch. He might not take a lot of my calls, but I still call every week. I’m sure if he didn’t hear from me after a while he would want to know what happened. He’d eventually link it to you, he’s not as dumb as you seem to think he is.”
I stand there and stare at her. What is it going to take to make her realize that I’m trying to keep it from happening? Her death is the last option after dozens. I’m not going to give up on her. “Josie, I don’t want to talk about this.” Striding across the room, I kneel in front of her. She leans back from me but doesn’t move to get farther away.
“I swear to you, Josie, that there’s not one bone in my body that wants to hurt you. I would gladly take your place in anything to make sure that you don’t get hurt. Please believe me when I say you’re very important to me, and life wouldn’t be worth living without being able to see you every morning. You keep me from completely detaching, you keep my human side intact.”
Her blue eyes soften as she reaches out to touch my cheek cupping it with her palm. Her thumb strokes over my skin. I can’t help but lean into it. I’ve longed for her touch for so long, and there’s the added fact that while here no one can see us. No one can report back to our families. But I can’t use her like that. Not that this gesture means anything.
“Cason, I don’t know what I think or feel right now. My mind is a jumble of emotions. Being around you like this isn’t helping me. I need the evening to sort out my thoughts and the other questions I have. Until then, I think it’s best if we spend the time apart. Do you have a bed to sleep in?”
I’m surprised to hear that she cares if I have a bed or not. Even when she is upset and things are shaky, she only wants the best for everyone. However. I want to respect her need to be alone. I need the same time alone so that I can compartmentalize my emotions right now, and not spill something more to her about how I feel. At this point, I feel like it’s going to come out of me whether I want it to or not.
Everything has come to a head in the last twenty hours, and I’m not sure how to handle it.
I pick up the chain I grabbed while she was in the bathroom. It’s just long enough to get her to the toilet, but several inches too short to be able to run out the door or window; if she broke it with the chair or something. I want to air on the side of caution with her. For all I know, she inherited her father’s cunning mind and is manipulating me right now. I can’t risk it with my family at stake.
She doesn’t say anything as I lock the chain in place. “If you’re a good girl for two days and don’t try to escape, this can come off. Okay?”
I glance up to meet her gaze and for a second I swear I see a flash of heat behind them. Not because she’s angry, but because she’s turned on and I don’t know what triggered it. It couldn’t be the chain, right?
Josie nods her head and I stand. “I’ll be back early in the morning with something to eat and drink. If you need anything pound on the floor. I’ll hear it and come in here. Until then, I’ll give you your space to think.”
“Thank you.”
I just hope she comes around to the side that works for everyone. Does she hate me enough now to try and risk her life to go to the cops? The smart option is to stay silent. She’ll probably want nothing to do with me. No more mornings with her beautiful smile to make the day brighter, and no more of her scones or chai lattes. I guess that’s the price I will have to pay to keep her safe. Keeping my distance might be what’s best for her in the end.
It’s probably best for me not to be a main figure in her life anymore. If we’d kept going in the direction we were before she saw me kill a man, eventually we would go against the promise, or at least I would, not being able to keep my feelings from her any longer.
Chapter Ten
Josie
I didn’t sleepat all. I stand in front of the painted-shut window and stare outside at the hint of dawn coming over the trees. It’s been almost a full day since all this shit happened. My mind won’t stop racing. Thinking back through my childhood to events that seemed odd at first, but then they were explained away by someone. Either my father, mother, Cason, or my brother Dimitri. My mother has to know, right? She couldn’t have been sleeping with the man all these years, and not know how he makes his money. Dimitri works as his right-hand man; he’s set to take over his vast collection of companies one day.
Anger burns in my veins at the fact they all actively chose to keep it from me. Why did they think I couldn’t handle it? But Rosalie Bancroft more than likely knows of her family’s dealings, there’s no way she doesn’t know. Not with how she acts. She’s so confident and I’m certain she could take any man on.
Would I have been like that if there had been no secrets kept from me? I bet I would be working for my father in some capacity. I wouldn’t be the businesswoman I am now, at least not the baking kind. He put a hit on Sacha and hired Cason to do it. Would I have gotten to the point where everything was business, even a human life? I didn’t like Sacha. He creeped me out most of the time, but I didn’t want the man dead. Knowing he was a cop makes it all that much worse for so many reasons.
From the fact that it shows how corrupt our justice system is to the fact that he’s a cop, and that could put Cason away in prison for decades if the police find out.
With a sigh, I move back to the bed and sit on the end of it. I can’t tell on him. I’ve already decided after last night when he practically begged on his knees that he would do anything so that I don’t have to die. I saw in his brown depths the sincerity there. I couldn’t resist reaching out to him. He looked like he needed something.
I can’t go to the cops on him, but I’ve decided I need to know everything. I have my questions ready. I just need for him to come back in here again, but I don’t know how long it will be before he comes in here.
