He doesn't hesitate to hold me back this time. His cheek rests on my head. He rubs my back. "It doesn't seem like enough, but I'm going to make sure that you have nothing to fear. I still feel like we should fake your death, in case the man or men after you aren't on the list you gave me, but it's a start."
I hold him tighter, pressing my body flush to his. It's more intimate than I intended, but it feels so good to be in his arms. His scent surrounds me, and I want to do nothing more than breathe him in. I wish that I could have his scent with me always, I feel as if I could take on the world then.
Finally, I pull back from him. Is it just me or is he reluctant to let me go as well? I stare up into his face. I want more than anything for him to lean down and kiss me, but I know it's not going to happen. It's just wishful thinking on my part. I decide to change the subject. "I've been working out like you told me to. I think it's been working. My muscles feel more defined and stronger." I curl a bicep, my sweater hides it from view but he still reaches out to squeeze it.
A small smile pulls at his lips. "You definitely feel like you have more muscle than when you first got here. Are you pushing yourself like I told you to?Andtaking days off between workout days so your muscles can repair?"
I nod. "Just like you told me."
His smile turns to a grin. "Good job, I'm proud of you. If you don't mind the company, I can stay until Sunday and I can teach you some self-defense. So that you can protect yourself once you're on your own."
Once I'm on my own. It hits me all at once. This isn't permanent. We have what? Two, three weeks together? Then my death will be faked and confirmed and I'll be utterly alone again. I suppress all the turmoil that rises inside me at the thought of being alone again. Of course, this isn't forever, why would he want to be around my ass when I'm sure he has models lying up to take up his bed and the role of being by his side. "Yeah, that sounds great," I sign. I shake my head to keep back the tears. "I would love to have the company if you want to stay."
His grin never leaves his face. "Great, then we can work on your training while I'm here, but first, birthday dinner. The potatoes have about ten more minutes in the oven to get all brown and cheesy and then it will be ready. Do you want more wine?"
I nod and pick up my empty glass for him. I suddenly feel like I need all the alcohol in the world to drown out this sadness I feel at the fact Porter won't be in my life forever. I don't know what I was thinking. I knew I didn't have a chance at him wanting me romantically or sexually, but for some reason, I didn't think after all this would be over that I wouldn't see him anymore.
I watch as he takes my glass to the kitchen. It makes sense. He's a hitman, I doubt many get to see him fully, he's probably uncomfortable that I know his secret.
Chapter Thirteen
Porter
I stareat the ceiling through the blue glow of the TV. Gwen sleeps next to me, her face lightly pushed against my shoulder. Every night, she seems to get closer and closer. Soon, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up sleeping on top of me, but I don't want to leave the bed until she's ready to get up. It seems like my presence helps keep her nightmares at bay. When I get up to shower or just sit on the sofa, she'll wake up in a cold sweat a few minutes later with tears streaming down her cheeks.
What does she do when I'm not here? I guess she doesn't sleep much, or it's sporadic.
It hasn't been easy, ever since I caught her masturbating, it's been all I can think about. She's so pretty, and she doesn't even know it. She's taken to hugging me, and they always feel so good. I don't want to let her go. I just have to keep reminding myself I'm too old for her, and there's no way she would ever want me when she could have someone younger.
The alarm clock near my head clicks over and starts to go off, signaling it's seven in the morning. She seems to have put herself on a schedule, which is a good thing when she's unable to tell day from night down here. It will be easier for her to adjust once she's out of here.
Reaching up she turns it off. Her long body stretches along mine and she lets out a little sigh I've come to find adorable. Her hand lowers to my chest and her fingers splay against it. God, it feels good to have her touching me. I want to pull her closer until she's laying on top of me. My mind fills with images of her straddling my waist and riding herself to an orgasm as she squeezes my cock with her tight passage.
Her hand moves over my chest more before it travels down my stomach, if she goes any lower she's going to make me respring the morning wood I just spent an hour willing away. It took forever, the blue-balled bastard at this point didn't want to take no for an answer. I wasn't going to take a shower to take care of it, because I didn't want her to start the day waking up from a nightmare, when she could have some restful sleep if I just stay in bed with her.
After a moment, she pulls her hand back and sits up. She looks at me as the glow from the TV illuminates her. "Sorry, didn't mean to cop a feel. I forgot where I was for a moment and thought you were Tom Hiddleston from my dream."
Jealousy rolls in my gut for the actor, even though he was just in her dream. "Tom Hiddleston, huh? Dream about him often?"
She yawns and signs, "It's your fault. You brought that Crimson Peak movie. For what it lacked in a well-written plot, it made up for with hot scenes of him. I wish sex could be like that in real life." In the next second, she lowers her hands and shuts her eyes as if that was the last thing she wanted to say.
I think back to the movie and the scenes she's talking about. She's never had a chance to have sex like that? It sounds sad, but I suppose it makes sense. I feel rage at her captors all over again. If it weren't for them she could be living a normal life right now, having sex in college, having fun.
"Sex can be like that, with the right person. There has to be passion there, to begin with; it can feel like that." What am I saying? It makes it almost sound like I'm offering to show her. "Of course, it doesn't happen all the time, and it has to be the right kind of person."
Her gaze doesn't leave mine for a second before she nods. "I suppose I'll never find out."
I cock my head to the side and sit up. "Why do you say that? You have tons of time to find someone you want to have sex with."
She shakes her head. "The problem isn't me finding someone I like. It's finding someone I like who likes me back and doesn't find me repulsive."
I reach out and take one of her hands. "You're not repulsive, Gwen, not in the slightest. You're beautiful. You just need to be able to get out there and meet people so you can realize that."
She shakes her head and pulls her hand from mine. "You haven't seen the looks people give me when my sleeve rides up or they somehow catch sight of my body. The look of horror in their eyes is enough to turn anyone off. He did what he set out to do to me, make sure that I'm alone so that I would only ever see him as possible family."
She shakes her head. "It's okay. I'm okay being alone. It's better to be alone than to put myself out there and get rejected all the time by my peers. Anyway. How are we going to train today? There's not a lot of room in here."
I smile. Even though I want to ask her why she thinks she'll be alone. I'll still be checking up on her. I can't put all this work into her and making sure she can live her life only to let her fall into a depression after. Once she finds someone, I'll feel okay stepping away and letting her live her life. "The sofa can be pushed into the kitchen and the bed folds up and out of the way. It will at least give us enough room to do close combat sparring. I'll teach you how to get out of certain holds and you'll have a good idea on how to defend yourself if someone comes for you from the front or the back."
