But no, he didn’t listen, and that was why I had five other soldiers and a two-month old baby in my living room, watching a baseball game.
“Hey, Jake.” Owen Hughes, who’d been quiet since he’d arrived, spoke up from his seat in the corner of the sofa. I knew Owen and Jake had been out at the bar the night before, and I had a hunch Jake was nursing the remainder of a hangover. “What happened with the chick from last night? She was a firecracker.”
“Yeah, she was.” Jake smirked, but as I watched, something else replaced the snarky smile—something almost like regret. “It was all good. We, uh, had a good time, and then I left. No questions asked, no strings attached, no problems.” His eyes told a different story, but I wasn’t going to poke at him. I didn’t have enough interest to do that.
“You guys.” Max sighed. “Aren’t you getting tired of the serial hook-ups?”
“Hey.” Jake pointed at him. “Just because some of you got hooked, don’t try to bring the rest of us down with you. We’re still having too much fun. Right?” He glanced at Owen and then at me.
Owen shrugged. “I don’t know. If I met someone who had potential, I think I’d be willing to give monogamy a shot. Sometimes I think I’m outgrowing the whole bar scene.”
Jake clutched at his chest as if in pain. “Don’t say it, Hughes. Don’t even think it.” He leaned toward me, where I stood in the doorway, my empty beer bottle still in one hand. “Derek, tell me you’re still a committed single. Tell me that you’re not going to find true love and settle down to pop out a kid who will make sure you never get to sleep again, let alone do anything else fun in bed.”
Kade growled and flipped off Jake. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Robinson. I might not be getting much sleep, true, but you can be damn sure no one’s missing any fun. There are ways of making something happen when you want it enough. And even if I wasn’t getting any, I’d still be happier than I was when I was fucking around with you assholes.”
Jake’s mouth dropped open in mock horror. “You used the f-wordandthe a-word! You just scarred your kid for life.”
I used the ensuing laughter as a cover to limp my way to the kitchen, where I dropped the glass bottle into the trash and opened the fridge to find a replacement. When I heard footsteps behind me, I swallowed back a sigh of frustration.
“Where’s your recycling can?” Max held up his own empty, glancing around, and I felt both irritated and guilty. I was always a stickler for recycling shit and doing what I could to keep Mother Earth cleaner. But since I’d come home from the hospital, having another receptacle to haul outside was too much. That passion had gone the way of my love for yard care, which was why my grass was now mostly brown and dead, and all the bushes out front were overgrown.
“Uh, just toss it.” I didn’t feel like explaining all of that to Max. “I’ll take care of it later.”
“Hmm.” Max set down the bottle on the countertop and leaned against the granite island. “Derek, listen. I’m sorry if you’re pissed that we all descended on you today. But if you want the truth, we didn’t know what else to do. You’re scaring us, man. We figured by now, you’d be back at work. But you’re not, and the longer you’re out of commission, the more likely it is that ... well, you won’t be back.”
I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was talking about a medical discharge. “Yeah, I know.” I shrugged. “It’s just taking longer than they thought. I need time. The pain won’t go away, no matter what, and the recovery’s been rougher than the doctors thought.” I pinned him with a stare. “And I need space. I don’t want company or people hovering over me like I might break a hip if I stand up to throw away my trash.”
“I get that, but you’re isolating yourself. That isn’t good.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Next weekend is our engagement party. Samantha really wants you to be there. It’s not going to be any huge fancy deal—just good food, friends and family. You’re going to show up, right?”
I looked away, staring out my back window. “I don’t know, Max. I’m not very good company these days, and I hate crowds. I’ll send a gift.”
“Fuck the gift.” Max was getting mad now, too. “We want you there, not some lame present. That doesn’t matter. You do.”
I groped behind me and found a kitchen chair, lowering myself into it. “I’ll think about it.”
“Yeah, you do that.” Max studied me. “You’re not going to your doctors’ appointments or your PT either, are you? What the hell, Derek? Are you giving up?”
I rubbed my forehead, where a wicked headache began to pound. “Maybe. And if I do, it’s my business, and none of yours. You can’t save everyone, Max. Some of us don’t want to be saved.”
“That’s the most selfish damn thing I’ve ever heard, and I always thought you were one of the least selfish men I’ve ever known.” Max was silent for a few minutes, as if waiting for me to contradict him. When I didn’t speak either, he pushed off the counter and shook his head.
“Fine. I’ll tell the guys it’s time to go, and we’ll leave you alone ... for now. But don’t think this is the end, Derek. We’re not going to sit around and let you throw away your life and your career. You may be thinking of giving up, but we’re not. Not yet.”
I didn’t move as he strode back into the living room. I heard his voice, low and intense, talking to the others. Jake protested, and Shaw said something sharp, but eventually, they all shuffled out until I finally heard the sound of my front door slamming shut behind them.
Once they were gone, though, the contrary part of me was hurt that they’d left me. But I knew I was better off alone. I wasn’t good for anyone, not anymore. And the sooner my friends accepted that I was never going to be the same old Derek McTavis they used to know, the easier it would be for all of us.
Hell, I didn’t know if that Derek existed anymore. Even if he did, I wasn’t sure I could find him. I was beginning to accept that he’d disappeared while dangling on a rope from a helicopter over the green fields of Kentucky.
