“Hmmm?” I pretended to be occupied with brushing crumbs off the counter. “What about Quinn?”
“Buddy, your mom and I might not be experts in many fields—well, okay, not in any. But we are very proficient in reading our only child. Mom’s been a little worried about your feelings for Quinn for quite a while.”
My shoulders slumped. “Why?”
Dad sighed and pulled out a chair, spinning it around to sit backward on it. I wondered if he realized how much I wished I could do the same, but I’d end up tangled up when my legs didn’t do what I needed them to do. I leaned against the sink instead.
“Nate, like it or not, we’re always going to be protective parents. We gave up apologizing for that a long time ago, and we give each other a lot of credit for the areas where we’ve been able to give you a little latitude. Like crew. But don’t fool yourself—it isn’t easy. We’re always looking ahead to see where there may be danger spots for you. Risks.” He took a deep breath and blew it out. “And Quinn is one of those.”
When I began to protest, my father held up one hand. “Not on purpose. Your mom and I love that girl like she’s our daughter, and we know she loves you, too. But maybe ... maybe not the same way you love her.”
My face was flushed; I could feel the warmth spreading down my neck. “How do you know that? Maybe she does and she just doesn’t realize it yet.”
“Nate.” Dad’s eyes locked on me. “Come on, son. One thing we’ve never done is lie to each other, right? I’m straight with you, and I expect you to be the same with me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Quinn’s got it pretty bad for Leo.”
My father was right. This wasn’t news to me. I’d realized that Quinn loved Leo when we were in eighth grade, probably even before she knew it herself. Every day since that time, I’d waited for her to figure out that he was never going to return those feelings, but that I did. I held my breath for the moment when she looked at me and saw a guy who was going to love her with all he was for the rest of his life.
But it didn’t happen. To Quinn, I was still just Nate, the kid she’d been sticking up for and championing as long as we could both remember. I’d fantasized about just yanking her into my arms and kissing her until she felt the truth. The only thing that stopped me was the fear that she’d kiss me back out of pity. Out of love for a friend, not out of passion.
“He doesn’t deserve her.” The words, filled with bitterness and yes, jealousy, flew from my mouth. “He’s not even a good friend anymore. And he’s fucking anything in a skirt.” Any other time, I’d have been shocked at dropping the F-bomb in front of my father, but tonight, nothing mattered. What was he going to do? Ground me?
But my dad didn’t even blink. He rubbed his forehead, frowning as he looked off into the distance, over my shoulder.
“Leo’s feeling his oats, for sure. Lisa and Joe are a little worried about him. He’s been partying hard, and his grades are slipping. You know, Simon and Danny were pretty hot on the basketball court, but nothing like what Leo’s doing in football. Joe thinks he’ll get a full ride at any college he likes—providing he doesn’t screw it up.”
“Which is just one more reason to keep Quinn away from him. He’d make her miserable.”
“Or maybe she’d be the one to help him turn it all around. We don’t know. But that’s all out of our control, Nate. The only thing I can do in this situation is tell you to be careful. Don’t build up your hopes about Quinn, okay, son? You’re a terrific guy, and there’s a shit-ton of girls who’d love to date someone like you. Don’t tell your mom I said that.” He grinned, but it began to fade as soon as he realized I wasn’t smiling, too. “We don’t want to see you waste your high school years pining away after someone who just can’t return those feelings. Be Quinn’s friend, but please, accept that she’s never going to be more than that. Okay?”
He searched my face for acquiescence, and I knew if I didn’t give in, he’d keep talking, keep saying the same shit that was tearing at my heart. He was worried, I got that. It was no secret that deep emotion could trigger a flare or make me more vulnerable to getting seriously sick. He and my mom thought that if my heart broke, it would put me at risk.
So I swallowed hard, gave a curt nod and stalked out of the kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom, where I could be alone with my stubbornly-unshattered dreams.
My mood didn’t improve the next day. What my father had said lingered in my head, making me both angry and miserable at the same time. I avoided seeing Quinn, which was something I never did, and missing her only made me feel worse.
At lunch, I ignored the cafeteria and instead went outside, planning to spend the forty-five-minute period on one of the more remote benches that were scattered here and there on the school’s lawn. I shivered as the autumn wind blew down the collar of my T-shirt and kicked myself for not grabbing my jacket before I left the building.
I’d just spotted an empty seat—and in the sun, no less—when Leo came loping across the grass, heading from the student parking lot toward the side doors of the school. He didn’t see me at first; he had his head down and was wearing dark sunglasses. But when he did notice me, his steps slowed, and he paused just short of the sidewalk.
“Hey, Nate. Everything okay?”
“Maybe I should be asking you that. Where were you?” I nodded toward the parking lot. “You’re sort of late.”
“Yeah, sort of.” He laughed once, kind of a harsh bark, and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Late night, so I slept in a little. I didn’t have anything pressing in class this morning, anyway.”
I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I was so fucking fed up with him. So angry for reasons that he probably wouldn’t begin to understand. “Oh, yeah? Last I heard, all our classes require attendance. That’s not optional in high school. At least, it isn’t for most of us. Maybe for the great Leo the Lion, the teachers make exceptions.” I couldn’t keep the snarl from creeping into my tone.
“What’s wrong with you? Who pissed in your cereal?” He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at me. “Did I do something that I don’t remember? Did I miss someone’s birthday or something? Because you and Quinn have both had bugs up your asses.”
“Nice of you to notice, Leo. You must’ve been a real dick to her yesterday, you know? Quinn was pretty upset after school when I walked her home.”
He pulled off the sunglasses, and I could see his bloodshot eyes were narrowed. “I didn’t do anything.She’sthe one who’s causing all the shit with my friends, and then I stand up for her, and she ends up yelling at me. Saying I don’t even know her anymore. I don’t know what she expects from me. God, I don’t know what either of you want. It’s like you want to punish me for having other friends. For playing football. For having a goddamn life.”
“You know what, Leo? Keep your fucking friends, your football and your life. Quinn and I don’t need you. We have each other.”
Leo’s lips thinned into a tight line. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Come to think of it, Nate, maybe you should be thanking me instead of giving me hell. If Quinn’s so mad at me, that just makes more room for you, doesn’t it? You’ll finally have her all to yourself, which is what you’ve always wanted.”
He was so close to the truth, so dangerously near to saying exactly what I was feeling, that my palms began to sweat with both fury and nerves. “At least I’d be smart enough to hold onto her if—if I ever got that chance. I’d never throw away her friendship.”
