I felt like a voyeur. Jake glanced back at me over his shoulder, raised his eyebrows and shook his head, and gratification filled me. I was so glad he didn’t expect me to join in on the porn fest out here. I couldn’t remember when I’d been more uncomfortable.
We made our way to the steps that led off the deck down to the yard. It was dark, but the fire in the pit a few feet away lent enough light so that I didn’t trip as we walked across the grass. There were some chairs around the fire; most of them were empty, but someone was sitting with his back toward us. When we got a little closer, my heart sank. It was Leo slumped in the Adirondack chair, and Sarah Jenkins was on his lap. No, correction: she was actually sitting on the chair, between Leo’s legs, sprawled back over his chest.
I wanted to turn around and run away. I wanted to erase the sight of them from my memory. But mostly, I just wanted this to not be happening.
Fleetingly, I considered tugging Jake’s hand and pulling him away. I could always use the excuse that I thought Leo and Sarah probably wanted privacy. But before I could put that plan into action, Leo saw us. I knew the minute it happened: he did one of those double-takes, like people do in comedies. And then he straightened up, pushing Sarah up a little so he could move.
“Hey, man.” Jake held out a fist, and after a moment’s hesitation, Leo pounded it. His eyes fastened on my hand in Jake’s, and a muscle in his jaw quivered.
“Donavan.” He muttered the word and then turned his head to look at me. “Quinn. I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”
“It was kind of ... last-minute.” I forced a smile, though I wanted to add,And since when do you care where I go or what I do?“Jake and I were out eating, and we ran into Scott Murray. He told us about the party, so ...” I shrugged. “Here we are.”
“Hmmm.” Leo didn’t say anything more than that, but he didn’t look away from me, either.
“Mind if we join you here?” Jake led me toward a chair. For a second, I thought he might expect me to sit with him the same way Sarah was with Leo, but after I sank down, he dragged another chair over and sat down near me. “It was loud as hell in the house. And crowded.”
Leo shrugged, and in doing so, he seemed to remember the girl sitting on him. Rubbing a hand down her back, he let his eyes drift back to the fire. “You guys know Sarah, right? Sarah, that’s Jake Donavan and you remember Quinn, I guess.”
“Sure.” Sarah smiled at us. “Jake, we were in Spanish together freshman year, I think.”
Jake grinned. “Yeah, that’s right. Good old Señorita Tomosa. Did you keep up with it?”
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Sarah rolled her eyes. “No way. I only needed one year, because I took a college-level American Sign Language course over the summer. I hated Spanish.”
“Lucky you. I’m in Spanish Three now, but fortunately, I had Señor Aikens last year and this year.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, that’s good, I guess.”
We fell silent after that scintillating exchange of conversation. Leo dropped his arm to the ground on the side of the chair away from me and brought it back up holding a bottle. He lifted it to his lips and took a long swig. I thought it was beer. I hoped it was beer, and not something stronger.
He caught me watching him, and one side of his mouth quirked up. “Want some, Mia? You know I don’t have cooties.”
I was glad the dark hid my flushed face. “No, thanks.”
“Ah, yeah. That’s right. I forgot you’re too good to drink with us, huh?” He tipped the bottle back again and then held it out to Sarah, who took a pull without hesitation. “So why’d you bother coming tonight if you’re not really going to enjoy yourself?”
“I ... I thought it would be fun. And Jake wanted to come.” I shifted in my seat. “I can have a good time without getting drunk. Or high. Or ...” I looked up at the deck, where the grope-fest continued. “Um, without doing ... things.”
Leo smirked. “Cool. Good for you. But if you’re going to sit around and judge everyone who does want to do ... things, maybe you should just go the fuck home.”
“Hey.” Jake’s tone wasn’t aggressive, just chiding. “Chill, Taylor.”
A tic jumped in Leo’s cheek, and his eyes narrowed. “What’s the matter, Donavan? You want to be her big bodyguard? Her boyfriend? Believe me, dude. I’m the last guy you need to protect her from.” His gaze slid back to me. “Or am I?” He took another drink, and it occurred to me that he’d probably had quite a few.
My stomach clenched at Leo’s random aggression. This was the first time we’d been together or spoken since I’d left him in the alley outside the diner. Clearly neither of us had forgotten that. The tension in the air fairly crackled, and I wasn’t sure who was going to break the awkward silence.
“Why do you call her Mia?” It was Sarah who spoke. She only sounded curious, not at all defensive or suspicious. I was pathetically grateful to her for shifting the focus as I held my breath, waiting to see if Leo would answer. “Is it Spanish?”
I saw his throat bob as he swallowed before he spoke. “No. Her name—her real name—is Amelia Quinn. After her great-grandmother. When we were little, sometimes her mom would call her that—Amelia Quinn. I wanted to say it, too, but I couldn’t pronounce Amelia. So I called her Mia. Mia Quinn.”
His voice was husky and sent a thrill down my spine. When I glanced up, his eyes were on my face again, boring into me until I couldn’t breathe. I shivered and then without thinking about it, I licked my lips.
Instantly Leo’s stare was fastened on my mouth. His own lips parted, and his chest seemed to rise and fall a little faster. I was dizzy with wanting him, and at the same time, I felt like an idiot. Here I was with another guy—while he was sitting with another girl. And yet the pull between us was undeniable. I was dying to crawl over to him, slither up his body, press my boobs into his chest and kiss him until we forgot our own names. I’d never known want that way—real, tangible need—and I fought back tears, because Leo had made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want me the same way.
“I didn’t know Quinn wasn’t your first name.” Jake smiled at me. “You don’t seem like an Amelia. Whoever decided to call you Quinn was smart, Q. It suits you.”
“Thanks.” I studied Jake, with his casually messy hair and his black-rimmed glasses, and wished I could lust after him the way I did after Leo. What was wrong with me? I was seriously screwed up. Jake was kind, fun and smart. We had so much more in common than Leo and I did. And yet I didn’t feel anything more for him than friendship. I wasn’t sitting here, wishing he hadn’t let go of my hand.
