“I didn’t come here to fight with you, or to rehash old crap. That was a long time ago. I don’t blame you for anything.”
I cocked one eyebrow at her. “Generous of you.”
She looked as though she wanted to rise to the bait but thought better of it. “I need to tell you what happened . . . after. And before I say anything, Flynn—” Hearing her speak my name made my heart thud in a weird way. Maybe Maureen was right. I was becoming a girl. “I want you to know that I’m sorry. I did the best I could under the circumstances. And maybe I was wrong, and maybe I was stupid. And maybe you’ll hate me. But I’d like you to keep in mind that I was only eighteen, and I was trying to figure things out on my own.”
A mix of unease and misgiving trickled down my spine. “Are you talking about Craig? Is that what this is? You want to explain to me why you married one of my friends as soon as I was out of sight? Fine. I’d like to hear this.” I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back.
Ali had gone even paler. Distractedly, I noticed how thin she was now, and I recalled Mrs. Nelson telling me how hard she and Sam had been working on the farm. With no little effort, I pulled my attention back to what she was saying.
“I know how it looks. Believe me, it wasn’t an easy decision. I . . . after you left, Flynn, I lost it. I couldn’t get out of bed, and I cried all the time.” She flicked a glance up at me and swallowed hard. “I thought my life was over. Making that decision was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I know you couldn’t understand it then, but I just couldn’t abandon Sam. Not when he’d given up everything to stay on the farm and make it work.”
“Yeah, I get it. You made a choice, and I wasn’t it.” I’d thought I’d gotten over this a long time ago. The hurt gripping me now said otherwise.
“It wasn’t that. You wouldn’t even consider any other options. I had to leave with you, or we were through. You made it impossible.” She shook her head. “But that’s not why I’m here. I just . . . I was so sad. And Craig was there at a time when I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do.”
I couldn’t sit still another minute. I stood up and stalked back and forth across the living room. “If that’s why you came today, to make yourself feel better about marrying him, then you can just get the hell out. I don’t care why you did it. You couldn’t even wait a few months, talk to me, see if we could work things out. Nope, you moved right on, with one of my friends.” I stopped pacing as my anger built. Leaning over her, I braced my hands on either side of her so that I was in her face as I spoke, my voice low. “Were you sleeping with him even before I left? Were youfuckingmy friend? Maybe that’s what made it so easy to let me go. You knew you already had my replacement warmed up and ready to roll.”
Her brown eyes were wide and filled with tears, but her words dripped with bitterness. “How can you say that? How can you think it? You know there was never anyone for me but you. I loved you from the time I was fourteen until—” Her gaze skittered away from mine, and she clamped her mouth shut.
“Oh, really? Then you want to explain why it was so easy to jump into marriage after I left?”
Ali pushed forward until her nose was nearly touching mine. I straightened, unsettled by how damn much I wanted to kiss her when my face was that close to hers. She grabbed my arm to keep me from moving away and spoke in a furious whisper.
“Because I was pregnant with your baby, you son of a bitch.”
MY GRANDMA USED TO talk about people who went white as a ghost, and when I was little, I liked to imagine what that looked like. I never saw it actually happen until I told Flynn that he was a father.
I stayed quiet for a full moment after the words flew out of my mouth. I hadn’t meant to say it so abruptly; over the past twenty-four hours, I’d rehearsed over and over in my head how I’d say it. I planned to be calm and matter-of-fact and contrite. But I’d forgotten how much fire this man stirred in me. He could make me so mad that I wanted to scream. And at this moment, despite how my heart was pounding in trepidation, my hands itched to grab his face and kiss him senseless.
Now, though, I just stayed perfectly still, waiting for him to process what I’d said. I watched as disbelief morphed to shock which gave way to realization and . . . yep, we were back to shock.
“You had my baby?” He spoke so quietly that I had to lean forward again to hear him clearly. “You were pregnant, and you never told me.”
This was the part I’d been dreading. I had to try to explain something that I didn’t quite understand myself: how I’d justified keeping Bridget a secret from her father.
“I didn’t know when you left. I think . . . I’m pretty sure it happened the night before graduation.”
Flynn’s eyes dropped, and I wondered if he remembered that night as vividly as I did. It’d been our last night together, but at the time, we thought we were one the cusp of the greatest adventure of our lives.
“When did you find out? That you were pregnant?” He spoke in even, quiet words.
I caught the corner of my lip between my teeth. “About a month after you left. I didn’t even think of it, and I was so . . . well, like I said before. It was really a bad time.” I pushed that memory away. “By the time it dawned on me . . . and I took a test . . . I was over eight weeks along.”
Flynn nodded, as though I’d just given him a weather report. “And once you knew, it never occurred to you to call me? Just a head’s up? You know, ‘Hey, Flynn, what’s new with you? Oh, by the way, I’m having your baby.’”
“You weren’t here.” I covered my face with my hands. “You were gone, and you’d told me that night that nothing or no one was going to hold you back. When I asked you to stay with me, you told me that if you did, you’d end up hating me. Resenting me. So strangely enough, the idea of asking you to come back was not very appealing.”
He exhaled a long breath, moving back away from me. “God, Ali. You knew I was mad that night. I didn’t mean all that. I was—” He ran his hand through his hair. “I was hurt.”
“Yeah, well, you sounded dead serious to me.” I slumped in the overstuffed chair. “Tell me something, Flynn. And be brutally honest. If I had gotten in touch with you and said I was pregnant, what would you’ve done?”
His eyes shifted to the floor. “I’d have come home. I would’ve been here for you. And no way would I’d have let Craig Fucking Moss raise my child.”
“Really?” I hugged my arms around my ribs. “And just what would you’ve done then? Gone to school, when you hadn’t applied anywhere? Moved in with Sam and me at the farm, gotten a job?” I laughed, dry and mirthless. “You would’ve hated that. And pretty soon, you’d have hatedme.So tell me how much better everything would be now if I’d told you I was pregnant. Like it or not, Flynn, I did you a favor. I gave you the freedom to find what you were looking for.”
“You took the decision away from me by never letting me know.” His anger was palpable, and I grit my teeth, curling back into the chair.
“Flynn, I get it that you’re furious with me. I understand that. I know this is shock, but can’t we—”
