“It’s more than just a shoot. The job’s with World Wide News, a monthly magazine out of New York. They’re looking for someone to take the permanent position of photo editor for the US.”
I nodded. “What does that mean, exactly?”
“It’d mean a job, not just free-lancing. Most of it would be assigning shoots to the staff and then working out what we use, what makes it to the magazine’s website and what makes it to the hard copy. That’s all office work, so I’d have pretty regular hours when I was in New York. But I’d have my choice of one assignment of my own a month, which would give us the chance to travel—but just one week every month.” He looked down at me, and for the first time, I saw the excitement in his eyes. “This is a big deal, Ali. I’ve never looked for a job with just one publication, because I liked the variety of taking whatever assignment came up when I wanted it. It fit me. But now I want something steadier.”
“Uh huh.” I didn’t trust myself to form actual words yet.
“I was thinking, what if we homeschooled Bridget? We could all travel together to wherever I had to go. Wouldn’t that be amazing?” He stopped walking and pulled me to him. “Think of all those places we could see together. We wouldn’t have to be apart at all.”
“But what about . . . home? We’d be so far away.”
Flynn smoothed back my hair. “Yeah, we’d have to be in New York, since I’d be working out of their offices. I know it’s a long way, but there’re flights directly from there to Savannah. We could come back and visit as much as we wanted. And the opportunity . . . Ali. You could do whatever you wanted. You could write, like you talked about when we were in high school. Or you could go to school. You’d have all the museums in the city, and the chance to travel wherever we wanted.”
My mind was reeling. Everything I’d been afraid of was happening right now, and I was having a horrible feeling of having been in this place before. If I said no, would he leave me again?
“Flynn, what about the farm? And the stand? I can’t just up and leave Sam without any help, and he can’t afford to hire someone yet.”
Flynn raked his hand through his hair. “Ali, don’t do this. Don’t start looking for reasons why this won’t work. Give it a chance. Let’s talk about it, like reasonable adults.”
That stung. “Maybe Iambeing the reasonable adult in this case, Flynn. I’m the one who has to figure out how all your big ideas would actually work out. Homeschool Bridget? Guess who’d be doing that? And who’d be dealing with her when we pull her away from the grandma she just got, plus the place she’s lived her whole life and the people she loves?”
“I’m not asking you to leave town tomorrow, Ali. I’m asking you to at least consider the possibility.”
“I don’t want to consider it. So if this is what you’re planning to do, just do it. Just go and leave us, like I always knew you would.” The inevitable tears were coming.
“Ali, no.” He grabbed me by the upper arms. “I’m not leaving. Not without you and Bridge. Understand that. I don’t care if my dream job’s dropped in my lap—if you’re not on board, neither am I. You come first. You are my priority. I told you I wouldn’t leave you again, and I won’t. Trust that. Trust me.”
I buried my face in his chest. “Trust hurts. I can’t do that again, Flynn. I can’t live through losing you again. Please don’t leave me.”
“Shhh, baby. I’m not. I promise.”
We stood clinging to each other in the dark of the woods until my sobs subsided. Flynn stroked my back and kissed my temple, but my stomach still clenched. I believed him when he said he wasn’t going to leave me. But knowing I was the reason he was going to lose this opportunity worried me. This was why I hadn’t told him about being pregnant with Bridget. I loved him too much to stand in his way. I wasn’t sure I could be brave enough to do that a second time.
I walked Flynn to his truck, and he framed my face with his hands. “We’ll talk more tomorrow. But no worries, okay? We’ll figure it out. Sleep well, babe. I love you.”
I watched his truck until the tail lights disappeared around the bend. I knew I should’ve felt comforted that Flynn had chosen me this time. But instead, I felt as though I’d destroyed his dream. Again.
When I went inside, Sam was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug. He looked up and smiled as I came in. “Hey. Didn’t expect you back so soon. I thought you and Flynn were heading down to the river.”
I sat down across from him and shook my head. “No. He just wanted to talk about something. He just left. What are you doing up?”
He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Meghan conked out, but my mind wouldn’t shut off.” Sam cocked his head. “Everything okay with you?”
I folded my arms on the table and laid down my head. “I don’t know. Probably not.” I took a deep breath. “Flynn was offered a job in New York with a news magazine. It would mean some travel, but Bridge and I could go with him. But we’d have to live in New York.”
“Hmmm.” Sam nodded.
“What do you mean, hmmm? You know I can’t do that. I can’t move to New York.”
“Why not?”
I stared at my brother, my mouth open. “Why not? Well, let’s see. There’s the farm. The stand. You and Meghan. Bridget’s home and stability. I think that’s a good start.”
“Okay. And if you take all those things and weigh them against being with Flynn and thinking about his happiness, what do you see?”
“It doesn’t work that way, Sam. I love Flynn. I’m in love with him. I want to marry him and raise kids together. I don’t think I can live without him. But how do I choose that over the people who count on me? On the commitments I’ve made?”
He took my hand. “Last year, after Meghan left the farm and went back down to Florida and I thought I’d never see her again, I did a lot of heavy thinking. You know this farm is important to me. And you and Bridge—well, you’re my family. I love you. But I had to decide what—or who—I couldn’t live without. And that was Meghan. When I went down to Florida, I told her we could live wherever she wanted, as long we could do it together. I’m so glad she chose the farm, and that she loves it like we do. But if she hadn’t, Ali, I would’ve given it up for her. It doesn’t mean I love you less. But Meghan’s my life.”
