After all, as he’d pointed out, it was all about balance.
“Vince—hold up!” My brother huffed out the words and bent over at the waist, his entire upper body trembling as he tried to catch his breath. “Show some mercy, dude. I’m older than you, remember.”
“By two years. Pull yourself together, man. You’re embarrassing yourself.” I stretched my back and gazed out over the ocean. The sun was rising, and although it was still pretty cold, I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day.
“Bite me.” Carl snarled the words. “You come back and tell me how embarrassing it is when you have a kid at home keeping you up at night.”
“Hey, I’ve got other things keeping me up at night, and I manage just fine, thanks.” I smirked. “It’s all about the conditioning, Carl. My body is a well-oiled machine. That’s why I can ask it to do things like run on the beach in the mornings, and it responds.”
“My body responds, too. Just not the same way. And the other things that are keeping you up at night ... I thought you were off the random chicks. You know, now that you’re all committed and shit to the lawyer lady.”
“Amanda. Her name is Amanda,” I corrected. “And I’m not committed. I’m just ...” Hell, I hated this kind of conversation. It was none of Carl’s damn business, anyway. “We’re seeing each other. When we can. It’s no big deal.” Even as I said the words, I knew I was lying to both my brother and myself.
“Surrrrrre, it isn’t. That’s why you came in on Monday a couple weeks back, after your weekend off, whistling. And smiling. And being nice to everyone. That’s not like you, bro. It was fucking unnatural, is what it was.”
“You’re just jealous, because I’m getting all the hot sex I want, and you’re getting up all night to take care of a screaming kid. In my bed, the only screaming that happens is the good kind. The kind you want to hear.”
“That screaming kid is my son and your nephew, asshole. So watch it. And I’m not jealous of the hot sex. I get plenty of that, too. With my beautiful wife, who I’ve loved for over ten years, thanks. You don’t know shit about that, because none of your women ever stick around long enough. Or you don’t.”
That stung, even though it was true. It had never bothered me before, the way my family saw my man-whoring ways, but now that Amanda was in the picture, I didn’t want anyone equating her with the women I’d hooked up with randomly. She was different. Together, we were different.
My feelings must have shown on my face, because when Carl spoke again, he’d taken it down a notch. “What’s going on with you and Amanda, anyway? I know you hooked up back last summer, at Ava’s party. But it seems like now, things are more serious. How do you feel about that?”
“What’re you, my therapist? You want me to talk about my feelings? I’m ...” I kicked at the sand. “I don’t know. I like her. We have a good time together. She makes me want to be more ... more than what I used to be. But she doesn’t force the issue, you know? We just enjoy each other. We laugh a lot. We talk, and God knows, I never did that with other women, not once I’d gotten them in bed. But Amanda is fun. Even if we’re not in bed, she’s still fun. That’s new. But we’re not like you and Ange. We’re not dying to jump into something serious. It’s just—what it is.”
“Okay.” Carl caught one foot in his hand and bent his knee, stretching his hamstring.
I scowled. “Okay? That’s it?”
My brother shrugged. “Yeah, that’s it. What more do you want? You want me to bust your balls and give you shit about liking a girl? I’m not going to do that. Amanda’s a great woman, as far as I can tell. I only met her a few times. But if she makes you happy, the rest of us are happy, too. Just don’t fuck it up, all right?”
“I probably will.” It was the fear I’d been grappling with for weeks. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. Half the time, I convince myself I’m making a huge mistake. I’m not cut out to be a one-woman guy. I’m going to make a mistake, or a thousand. During the weeks when I don’t see her, I talk myself into calling it off. I pick up the phone to tell her this isn’t working. Then I see her. And in that minute, I think anything’s possible. I feel ... possible. Like I can do it. It wouldn’t work with anyone else, but with her, with Amanda, it could.”
“Don’t let the fear cripple you. Don’t let it make you do something stupid, okay?” Carl clapped one hand on my shoulder. “You’re more than you think you are, Vince. You seem to think that we all look at you like you’re less. But we don’t. You can handle this. And you want the truth? Amanda’s damn lucky to have someone like you. I hope she knows that.”
I coughed. “When I bring her around the family—and I’m not saying when that’s going to be—but when I do, can you make sure you slip that into the conversation? She might buy it, coming from you.”
“Consider it done.” Carl grinned. “Now, have you tortured me enough? Can we go over to Ma’s? She let it slip yesterday that she’s frying doughnuts this morning, and I want in on that.”
“Hey, don’t you have a wife at home to make you breakfast?” I lifted my shirt to wipe my face on the hem.
“I do, but she doesn’t make doughnuts like Ma. But if you tell Angela that, I’ll make sure Amanda knows about the time you peed yourself in front of the girl you had a crush on.”
“Hey!” I propped my hands on my hip and glared. “I was six years old. And that’s a low blow.”
“We’re talking doughnuts, man, and we’re talking about my wife. I don’t mess around with either. You could take lessons from me.”
I cleared my throat as we began to trudge across the sand away from the ocean. “I do, Carl. Believe it or not, I do.”
