I nuzzled her neck. “Baby, you know by now that I’m a selfish son of a bitch. Of course, it’s all about me.”
“That’s what you want everyone to think, but I know better now.” She took my face between her hands and gazed up at me, making certain I was looking into her eyes. “Vincent, you’re the most giving, caring man I’ve ever met. You just try to hide it. I’m still not sure why, but you’re busted, babe. I’ve cracked the candy shell and tasted the sweet gooey center.”
What she said did something to my heart. I felt a little like that Christmas movie for kids, where the dude’s heart grows three sizes—only mine felt like it might be melting instead. Along with that came abject panic, because I’d never let anyone in this close to the part of me I protected so fiercely. I covered both feelings by trailing my hands down Amanda’s back to firmly grasp her ass, only covered in thin black lace.
“Yeah, you have, sweetheart, and if you’re up for it, I’d love for you to taste my center again right now.”
“I’m always ready and willing for that. Always. But don’t try to change the subject. I’m not asking you to change anything, and I don’t have an agenda. I just think it’s important for you to know that I see you—the real you. I see the parts of you that you don’t let anyone else near. And I like those parts.” She stretched to drop a kiss on my lips. “I think all of you is pretty terrific.”
Maybe sensing that I was processing her words, trying to figure out how to respond, she eased away from me and began to shrug into her robe. But I caught her hand again and held it between both of mine.
“Amanda.” My voice was thick. “I ... thanks.”
She tilted her head. “For what?”
“For ...” I swallowed. “For seeing me, I guess. For letting me be what I need to be. You kind of make it easy to just be. When I’m with you, I don’t feel like I have anything to prove, you know? Because you take all of me, and you accept it. I don’t have to be that guy—the one who’s the little brother, who can never make his parents happy enough, who has to keep pushing ahead. I can just be. You’re restful.”
With her free hand, Amanda brushed along the side of my cheek. “That’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. But you give me way too much credit, because I don’t feel like I do anything special. Sometimes—” She swallowed and lowered her eyes to my chest. “I worry that I lean on you, and that you might not like it. I’ve never done that with anyone else, other than my mom. But you make me feel safe, like I can relax, and you’ve got me.”
“I do have you.” I released her hand to hold her close again. “I love that you lean on me, even though I know you can stand on your own, any time. I love that you let me see the side of you that’s ... vulnerable. I love that you take me as I am. I love that you have to take off your shoes the minute we’re inside—no matter where we are. I love that you can’t go to sleep at night before you play solitaire on your phone, and I love that you’ve turned phone solitaire into some kind of competitive sport.”
She laughed softly, shaking her head, but I wasn’t finished yet.
“I love that you can win any argument, because you have a way of using words and phrases that makes my head spin. I even love that you leave your clothes all over and that you get flustered when your room is messy.” I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my ears, because I knew what I was about to say. I knew what it meant. And I couldn’t help myself, because it was true, and I wanted Amanda to hear it. I needed to say it, and I needed her to understand how deeply important it was.
“I love every part of you, Amanda. Because I love you.”
Her eyes went wide, and her lips parted. “You do?”
I nodded, and I waited for a beat, bracing myself for the tidal wave of regret I expected to feel. But it didn’t come. Instead, I only felt incredibly free and relieved—as though telling Amanda how I felt was the key that had unlocked a door I hadn’t realized I was holding shut.
“Vincent.” She breathed my name. “I’ve been beating myself up for months, because I was so sure that it was too soon to feel how I do for you. I thought I was crazy. Or maybe that I only thought I loved you because of how easy it is to be with you.”
“You think easy is bad?” I raised one eyebrow. “Isn’t easy supposed to be good?”
“It was more than that.” She shook her head. “When I think of loving you, I know I want more. Morewithyou, I mean. I don’t want to be in love and only see you every two or three weeks. I want you in my bed every night. I want to see you in the mornings and eat with you every day. That feels impossible, so I convinced myself that loving you is impossible, too.”
“There’s where you’re wrong.” I skimmed my lips over her cheekbone, her jaw and the tip of her nose. “I don’t know for sure, but I think maybe love makes the impossible stuff happen.” I thought of my meeting with Danielle Romano today and envelope sitting on the backseat of my car even now. I still hadn’t mentioned anything to Amanda. I considered doing it now, but what we were talking about was too important to risk veering off course. Plus, I didn’t want her to think I’d finally owned up to loving her only because there was a better chance for us to be together.
She lifted her chin, her eyes glued to mine as she searched there for an answer she must have found. A sort of peace settled over her face, and she reached up to link her hands behind my neck.
“I love you, Vincent. I didn’t expect to love you, because you’re completely unexpected and not at all the type of man I thought I’d end up loving. But you’re you, and I love everything about you. I love your grumpiness, and the glint in your eye when I tease you out of it. I love when we’re walking together, and you suddenly grab my hand, like you just remembered I was there and you want to keep me close. I love when we’re driving, and a song you like comes on, and you sing along. I love that your family is important to you, and that you like my mother, and that you can cook me foods I can’t even pronounce. I loveyou, Vincent, and I don’t even know all the reasons why. I just know I do.”
For a long moment, we stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, our gazes locked, until a sudden and inexplicable joy bubbled within me, and all I could do was scoop Amanda into my arms and kiss her breathless.
“I love you, babe. I won’t ever be able to tell you how much, but I can show you.”
A bright smile curved her lips. “I’m very difficult to convince, you know. You might have to show me more than once.”
I threw back my head and laughed. “Baby, I love how your mind works.”
Amanda nuzzled my neck, inhaling deep. “I love how your body works. And how my body works with yours.”
Using one finger, I slid her robe down until it caught at her elbows and billowed there, leaving her bare to me but for the green lace of her panties. So often when we were together, we were frantic and frenzied, eager to make up for the time we’d missed. We could barely keep our hands off each other, tearing away clothes and plunging together, taking it all fast and furious. If we ever did anything slowly, it was when we were both half-asleep, drowsy as we drifted off at night or came awake in the morning.
But now, I realized that I wanted more than fast and frenzied. I wanted slow and intentional and sensual and tantalizing touches that left Amanda no choice but to feel how much I loved her. I didn’t want her to have a sliver of doubt about that.
With the lightest of caresses, my lips traveled down her neck. With a sigh, Amanda let her head drop back, lolling and giving me better access. I bent, kissing her collar bone and down the center of her chest. Her hands raked through my hair.
