He paused for a beat to let that sink in and then added simply, “Thank you so much.”
With that, Nicky grabbed for my hand again, and together we headed for the car, waiting for us at the curb. Simon stood between us and the press, his eyes ever watchful as he opened the door first for me and then for Nicky.
Once the door closed behind my husband, I allowed myself to slump back into my seat, my eyes closing. “I’m glad that’s over.”
“I am, too.” Nicky threaded our fingers together again. Ever since he’d opened his eyes last week, I’d noticed that he seemed as though he needed to touch me almost constantly. I certainly wasn’t complaining.
The car pulled smoothly into traffic, and for the first time, I noticed that while Simon was driving, there was another occupant of the front seat. With a start, I exclaimed, “Harold! You’re back!”
He turned slightly, grinning at us, his cheeks pink with pleasure. “Yes, ma’am, I am. Very happy to see you, if you don’t mind me saying, and sir, I’m so glad you’re recovering nicely and going home.” His smile faded. “I’m sorry about what happened. I guess it seems no matter how prepared we tried to be, somehow they still got the better of us.”
We were all silent for a few moments. While I was extraordinarily thankful that my husband was here next to me, still in the process of recovery but undoubtedly whole and sound, I was also aware that four people had lost their lives in the bombing—and that it very easily could have been worse. The police had been close-mouthed about much of the investigation, but what we had learned from them was that if the bomb had been placed differently—if the location had been changed by a matter of feet—the repercussions would have been much worse.
At Harold’s remark, Nicky stiffened a bit. I wondered if our protection officer’s offer of sympathy had simply struck a nerve ... or if he was worried that Harold had spilled the beans in front of me, acknowledging that I’d been kept in the dark for months.
As if I didn’t know that already. My jaw tensed, my back teeth grinding until a sharp pain there forced me to relax my mouth.
We hadn’t had this discussion yet. During the days and nights in the hospital, I’d intentionally avoided bringing up anything that could upset Nicky and possibly interrupt his recovery. I was wise enough to realize that it was neither the time nor the place for the depth of conversation we needed to have. So for a week, I’d pretended that I wasn’t upset, that I didn’t have a flood of words and emotions dammed up ready to burst forth. I’d held myself together.
But now we were heading home, and I had a feeling that once we crossed the threshold into the cottage, all bets would be off.
For the moment, however, I put on a happy face and addressed Harold. “We missed you so much.” And then, mindful of Simon and all he had done in our service, I added, “But Mr. West was superb at his job, too, and we’re grateful to you both. Will you be resuming your position with us now?”
Harold nodded. “Yes, ma’am. With the added training I received, I’m more than ready to tackle the increased security that’s necessary now. And Simon’s staying on, too, for the time being. We’ll all work together.”
“That’s excellent news.” I leaned back again and stared at the blur of scenery as the car sped down the road. I was numb again, although this time, it was not terror making me feel that way; this time, it was exhaustion and worry and the looming question ofwhat nowthat hung over our heads.
When we arrived at the cottage, Nicky and I both thanked Simon and Harold again before we escaped into the blissful silence and privacy of our home. Inside the front door, I kicked off my shoes, peeled away my coat and fell onto the sofa.
“God, it is so good to be home. I could sleep for a month. Maybe more.”
Nicky sat down near me, his sigh reverberating in my ear. “I agree with that. Which makes no sense for me, since it seems all I’ve done is rest and sleep. But you’ve been having to make do in that uncomfortable lounge chair in my hospital room, and you’ve barely had a moment’s peace.”
It was true. Although I had finally given in to family pressure to return to the cottage to sleep one night after Nicky had been awake for a day, after that, I’d insisted on staying with him. The consequence of the decision was that I was now bleary-eyed and on edge from fatigue. I knew that the smartest thing for me to do at this point would be to go upstairs and sleep before anything else, but as history had demonstrated, making the smart choice wasn’t always my strong suit.
“Shall we—” Nicky began, but he never got the chance to finish his question, because at that moment, the dam burst.
“You lied to me.” I hunched my shoulders, the subconscious need to protect myself strong. “About ... about so much. How could you keep this from me?”
I felt Nicky’s heavy sigh. “Ky, I didn’t lie so much as I avoided sharing certain things with you. And I did it because I didn’t want you to worry. I wanted to keep that burden from you.”
I sat up, my eyes opening and flashing fire. “Itwasa lie, because every time I asked a question where you could’ve been honest and open, you chose to go another way. Did you think I wasn’t aware that you were hiding something? Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you were withdrawing and avoiding certain conversations and intentionally excluding me from parts of your life? Do you know all the pain and the doubts I’ve suffered, thinking that—worrying that it was something I’d done? That you regretted marrying me? That I wasn’t good enough to be your wife, wasn’t worthy to be part of this family?”
“Kyra.” Nicky went pale. “How on earth could you ever imagine such a thing? I love you with every mitochondria of my being. You are my wife, and that makes everything in my world complete and whole. I would never regret marrying you. Falling in love with you changed my life, in the best way possible.”
“Then why did you hide all of this from me?” I demanded. “I’ve heard bits and pieces of the entire story. I know that you learned about the threats right after we got married. Your father confessed that most of these weekends you’ve been away for royal duties, you’ve actually been training with anti-terrorism units, because of the letters and emails the Palace has received that were aimed at you.”
Nicky nodded. “Yes, that’s true. That’s why I couldn’t have you come along. And then when I did have legitimate engagements, I was too worried about you being at risk to have you with me.”
“But you were going out there, and if I would’ve been at risk, you were, too. I didn’t have the option to say yes or no. You took that choice away from me.”
“The idea of you being in danger almost destroyed me.” He hung his head. “Kyra, sweetheart. I’ve taken so much from you, just because I’m selfish enough to want to keep you to myself. I took away your freedom, your privacy, your chance for a future career ... and I told myself that I would give you the entire world in return for all you were giving up. I reasoned that it was enough.”
“More than enough,” I whispered. “Nicky, you never took anything from me. I have willingly given you everything, and I would willingly give you even more. But I don’t see it as a sacrifice. Being your wife is a privilege ... it’s been better than any dream I ever had. Freedom, privacy, career—those are all just words. Yes, my life is different than it might’ve been if you weren’t a prince, but being a prince is part of who you are, so it’s part of the reason I fell in love with you.”
“I wanted this year to be carefree and happy for you.” Nicky reached for my hand and lifted my fingers to his lips. “When they told me about the threats, I went cold. I had visions of you being hurt or worse—or taken from me—and it was the most powerful fear I’ve ever known. I made the decision not to tell you out of that place of fear. I see that now, but I reasoned that I was doing it because I love you so much.”
“Not knowing the truth, I spun possibilities that were even more terrifying to me.” As the anger began to drain away, I leaned into my husband’s broad chest. “You always tell me that you don’t want this life to change who I am. You’ve asked me to stay true to myself, and I’ve tried to do that. But you have to do the same. Nicky, you have to stop feeling guilty about whoyouare. Stop apologizing for what you think you’ve taken from me and realize that you are more than enough for anything I might not have. Do you understand this?”
