I’d been at physical therapy while they worked. Juliet had driven me there as she shuttled me any place I had to go these days. In the week since I’d lost to her at strip blackjack, she hadn’t left me alone for longer than an hour here or there. But now, it seemed, I might finally be alone.
On the kitchen table, a single sheet of white paper was covered with loopy handwriting.
Honey Bear~
I had to run into town for a meeting at the stadium, then I’m having lunch with Daddy—he’s in town just for the afternoon, or I’d have insisted he come out to the house to eat dinner with us. <3 Since you don’t have any appointments today, I figured you’d be all right.
Don’t miss me too much.
Oh, hell, go ahead and miss me at least a little.
XXX OOO,
JC
I felt an enormous sense of relief that was quickly followed by a niggle bite of guilt. Why the hell was I spending time with Juliet if her absence relieved me? Fuck, I wasn’tspending timewith her—I was freakin’ living with her. I hadn’t invited her, true, but I damn well hadn’t tossed her out.
I wandered over to the fridge and pulled out one of the fresh-squeezed juices Juliet was always pushing on me. I’d just poured some into a tall glass when the house phone rang. That was unusual; just about everyone but telemarketers called my cell now if they needed me. Out of curiosity, I checked the caller ID readout, feeling a jolt of surprise when I saw a Wisconsin area code.
Before I could agonize over who it might—I didn’t recognize the number, but who memorized phone numbers anymore?—I picked up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Oh, good. You’re still alive. I was beginning to wonder.”
I grimaced, sitting down at the table. “Nathan.”
“So you remember me. Happy to hear that, too. All of us—the whole family—we thought that coma you were in messed with your fucking brain. Mom—for Christ’s sake, Noah, she’s miserable and guilty. She cries all the damn time. You’re breaking her heart. What the fuck is the matter with you?”
“Just leave it alone, Nathan. Leave me alone.” I paused. “I need some space. Not forever. Just for now.”
“Well, isn’t that a comforting thought. You’re not cutting us out of your life forever—just for now. Isn’t that just fucking big of you?”
“You have no idea what I’m going through right now.”
“How could we when you’re not talking to us? Not answering our calls? For the love of God, Noah, if you don’t want to have anything to do with us, your brothers and sisters, fine. It sucks, but whatever. But Mom? And Dad? What have they ever done but had your back every fucking day of your miserable life? They’ve been there for all of us, no matter what. And the minute your luck turns a little, you shit all over them.”
“My luck turned a little?”My tone was incredulous. “Are you fucking kidding me? Nathan, tell me, what’re your plans this coming May? You going to reporting to mini-camps at your new team? Getting to know the new city, buying a big-ass house with that signing bonus you got? Finding schools for the kids, taking Corinne out for a fancy dinner to celebrate? Sounds like fun. Know what I’m going to be doing? I have no fucking clue because my life has turned upside down. The only thing I do know for sure is that I won’t be playing football or hanging out with my wife, because I’ve lost them both.”
“Yeah, and that sucks, I get it, but—”
“No, you don’t,” I snapped. “You don’t, or you wouldn’t be calling me up and busting my ass.”
“I’m busting your ass because we all love you, little brother, and we want to help.” Nathan’s voice softened. “We want to be in your corner. We want to help you figure out what comes next for you. But you’re shoving us away, and that hurts.”
I covered my face with my hand and leaned on the table. “It’s fucked up, Nathan. The whole thing . . . I don’t even know how to start. I’m so lost that I can’t find the way out.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone. “Knowing that is a good start.” He sighed heavily. “Can I come down there and see you? Maybe give you a hand with figuring out what happens next?”
It was so tempting to say yes. “I’d like that, Nathan. But not yet. Give me just a little while. A week or two, maybe. I just need to catch my breath. Okay?”
“Fine.” He didn’t sound happy, but he wasn’t yelling at me anymore. “Just promise me you’ll take my calls from now on. Deal?”
“Sure.”
“And think about calling Mom? She really is broken up, Noah. She’s so worried.”
“Uh-huh. I’ll think about it.” I wasn’t making any promises there. I knew that eventually I’d make things right with my parents, but I couldn’t face it yet.
