“I don’t think it’s anything personal. Noah’s family loved Angela—who didn’t? But she was part of them for so long. She was one of them, from their hometown. Mrs. Spencer saw me as the anti-Ang—because I have a career of my own, because I wasn’t going to sit around and cheer on my man.” Emma winced. “That sounds bitter and bitchy, doesn’t it? I didn’t mean it that way. Angela was a wonderful, dynamic and strong woman. She had her own work, and she was good at it, but from someone who knew her, I can honestly say that Noah was her entire world.”
I nodded. “Right. Well . . . it all might be a moot point anyway. I texted Noah a couple of times after you let me know he was awake. And I haven’t heard anything.”
“Oh, honey.” Emma sat back and closed her eyes. “I don’t think that has anything to do with you. Noah isn’t answering me, either. He’s in a bad place. His knee—the surgeons weren’t able to repair what they’d hoped. He’s not going to play football again. According to his mother and his teammates, he’s cut off everyone.”
“You’ve talked to them? His mom and guys from the team?”
Emma rolled her eyes. “His mother called me last week. She was crying . . . I hadn’t realized it, but Noah exploded at her and sent her home while he was still in the hospital. Said he didn’t need her hovering and coddling him. He told her not to call him, that he’d call her if and when he wanted to communicate with her again.” She waited a beat. “I think it was theifthat really terrified her. She said she’s afraid she’s losing her son.”
“Well.” I traced my fingertip around the base of my wine glass, which I had still not raised to my lips. “That’s too bad. I feel for her. But I guess it does make me feel a little better that it’s not just me he’s ignoring.”
“Zeke, his buddy from the team who I told you about, called me last weekend. I guess Noah blew off his physical therapy, wasn’t taking calls from the team or the coach, and so Zeke drove to his house and pounded on his door for a solid hour before Noah finally let him in. He said the place was trashed and stunk to high hell. After a lot of pushing, Zeke finally convinced him to let his housekeepers back in. And to take a shower. But he said Noah’s being a stubborn son of a bitch and refuses to answer messages, talk to anyone from the team, or go back to PT. He’s hellbent on burying himself in that house until he dies.”
“Good God.” I shook my head. “That’s terrible. He’s really that—desperate? Depressed?”
“Probably a little of both,” Emma agreed. “All of which to say, Alison, hang in there. I know Noah. He’s going to get through this and bounce back, and when he does, I’m positive he’s going to want a chance with you. I didn’t see it before, but you two—you’re so right for each other. Just give him some time.”
I laughed, a dry, mirthless sound. “Unfortunately, time may be something that’s not mine to give. It might be the one thing I can’t promise anyone.”
Emma tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
I swallowed hard. “I’m pregnant, Emma. And I don’t think I need to tell you this, but Noah’s the—the father.” Saying that word aloud sounded so odd, so unreal.
“Oh, my God.” If Emma had been taken aback by the news that Noah and I had hooked up—God, I hated that phrase—then she was positively astounded at this announcement. I couldn’t blame her.
“I know.” I covered my face. “I know. I mean, how could I let this happen? I was careful.Wewere careful. I never really thought—” I exhaled long. “Okay, so we weren’tthatcareful. We were a little stupid the first time, and the only condom I had was—”
“No!” Emma covered her ears. “No, that’s enough. I love you, Alison, and I adore Noah, but this is not something I need in my head. Let’s just leave it at the fact that neither of you planned to start a family, right?” She rested her elbows on the table and rubbed her temples. “So, let’s get this straight. You and Noah dated.”
“Once.”
Emma nodded absently. “But if you look at the wedding as a date, then more than once, and since you were . . .uh, intimate at that time, I’d vote on counting it that way. So two dates, and then he was in the hospital, and now he’s sulking because he can’t play football, and you’re pregnant, and he doesn’t know. Is that it? Have I missed anything?”
I gave my head a small shake. “No, I think you cover all the salient points.”
“Holy shit.” She dropped her head back and then jerked it up to stare at me. “I know I put some pressure on you a couple of months ago. I pushed you to start dating again. You got mad at me, and rightfully so. But sugar, when you decide to go for something, you do it with gusto, don’t you?”
“Oh, Emma,” I wailed. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t plan to sleep with Noah. Not the first time, I mean. He was just—when I sat with him at the hospital, we got to know each other better. And then we met again when we were waiting for the shuttle, on the way to your wedding. We talked—well, we never stopped talking the whole day. He asked me to be his wedding buddy.” I smiled, remembering. “Neither of us wanted anything more than that, but the longer we talked, the better we got to know each other . . . I don’t know. Something just—shifted.”
Emma was silent for a moment. “If Noah wasn’t so miserable right now, if everything hadn’t happened to him as it did, I’d believe you two were pulling some crazy prank to teach me not to meddle in your love lives. But this is real, isn’t it?”
I sniffled and pointed to my still-untouched wine glass. “If I weren’t pregnant, would I still have wine left in that glass?”
“You make a good point.” Emma picked up her own glass and drained it, then reached for mine and did the same. “Okay. I think this is finally sinking in. Or maybe the wine is just making it easier.”
“Lucky you.” I snorted. “I’ve had to process it without the benefit of booze.”
“I can’t even imagine what you’ve been going through, Alison. And by yourself.”
“The only other person who knows besides me—and now you—is my therapist, Brooke.” I sat back and pulled my knees up to my middle, letting my sandals drop to the porch floor. “I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet.”
“About the baby, you mean?”
“Yeah.” I dropped my forehead onto my knees. “I just don’t know. On one hand, I can’t imagine being a mother. Having a real, live human baby depending on me. I didn’t ever have a real family. I don’t know what it means to be part of one. I don’t have any examples, any role models . . . it would be ridiculous, right?”
“I don’t think so.” Emma shook her head. “Plenty of women who grow up on their own end up being amazing mothers. If you’re looking for me to validate a decision you’re making from fear, I’m not going to do it.”
I frowned. “Maybe I should have the baby and then make sure it goes to a good family. So many couples can’t conceive and want to adopt. I could turn this into something that would help other people.”
