“Twenty six,” I say without thinking.
The woman with the tape measure in her hands beams at me. “That’s such a lovely age. Lift your arms, dear.”
I lift my arms and look over her head at Zeus. It is barely eight in the morning and he is sipping champagne from a crystal cut flute. He looks relaxed, the lines of his body languid and easy. The man doesn’t have a care in the world. If you looked at him, you really would think he was just a father spoiling his daughter before her birthday.
I bite my lip and look away from him when he turns in my direction. Why is he saying it is my birthday? It is months away, but I know Zeus doesn’t do things idly. There is a reason. If he figured out I was his daughter, he knows when my actual birthday is.
The sales staff bustle here and there and before I know it, I’m in a dressing room with three gowns. They are beautiful. Not my usual colors, but beautiful all the same. Midnight black, a dark navy, and a deep plum. I run my hands over them in consideration before I pull the deep plum dress free. It is simple. A sheath dress that will reach my calves. I change out of the clothes Zeus brought to my room at the club and get into the dress. The cool silk of it against my skin makes me smile and I run my hands over it.
I turn and look in the mirror. I look more like myself than I have all week. The clothes I’ve been wearing are nice, designer, expensive to be sure, but none of it is my style, because none of it is mine. My clothes are still in Law’s penthouse, tucked away in a closet we shared. My eyes water when I think about the penthouse. I’d come to think of it as mine, a home that I was making with Law. Every last thing I really like is there. It isn’t much, but it is enough to miss.
Just like the fucking man.
I sigh and force myself to lift my chin. I don’t know why Zeus is telling the sales staff it is my birthday, but I figure I’ll know soon enough. I can play along until he tells me. When I exit the dressing room, it is to smiles and nods of approval.
“Your daughter is lovely, sir.”
“You must be so excited to celebrate. That’s a beautiful dress for such a special occasion.”
Zeus nods at them and smiles at me. “Do you like it?” he asks.
I hesitate for a second, eyes scanning the room to see they are all watching me. I feel a wave of nervousness hit me and my palms start to sweat but still I meet his eyes.
“Yes.”
“We’ll take it then. Try the others.”
“This one is fine,” I tell him.
“Try them on to humor me. It is your birthday, after all,” Zeus says with a hint of a smile on his face. Even if I hadn’t been looking right at him, I’d know the man was smiling. I’d hear it in his voice. He looks indulgent and satisfied. How many times had my younger self wanted this? It’s like a scene from my daydreams. My father spoiling me while a store full of staff looks on adoringly.
Why does it feel so off?
“Really, I’m f-” I start but a woman comes forward and ushers me back into the dressing room.
“Oh, there are at least two others for you to try on. How about some shoes, hmm?” she asks. “You have to look your best for your special day.”
The morning and most of the afternoon is spent with me trying on shoes and dresses. Clothes are added to the mix and I am glad to see they are more casual. At least I’ll be able to wear something I’ve had a say in, even if the clothes are from a store about two hundred tax brackets out of my price range.
Or at least, it had been? The money Law had given me last week is still in my account. Five hundred thousand dollars. Every last fucking penny of it is there. I’ve taken to checking it daily. Hourly. From the moment I wake up until I pass out clutching my phone in hand, I hit the refresh on my bank app religiously. Each and every time the amount tells me the same amount I am able to breathe.
526,567.32.
Each time part of me expects for it to be gone. That the money Law had gifted me will vanish and I’ll have nothing left of him. The ungodly sum of money in my account is more than I have ever thought to have at one time. Certainly, it is more than I have ever earned or thought possible. The tightness in my chest that has settled in as a constant reminder of just how wrong I’d been about Law, eases for the barest of seconds when I see the money is still there.
He hasn’t taken it away. That has to count for something, doesn't it?
I don’t know. Not really, but it does let me breathe. It lets me push back at the weight that has settled into my constant state of being. The weight that is my constant companion. The weight that threatens to drag me under and drown me the second I stop pushing back against gravity.
I am used to this. I’d grown up under the too sharp and brutal touch of my mother. Everything had been at her whim. Every day, just another exercise in expecting the unexpected. Until she’d gone too far and I’d run away.
Now she is back and surprise surprise, the feeling is back. I hate it. Anyone would.
We leave the boutique just before noon, but instead of the club, we go to a restaurant, one I’ve been to with Law. I hesitate outside the glossy glass doors that lead inside. I can see myself in the glass. My reflection is me and it isn’t. The woman standing there is clothed in the finest, a smart outfit that consists of tailored white slacks and a red turtleneck, a camel-clothed trench and shiny Louboutins round it out. It is me and it isn’t. The cost of the clothing isn’t the only thing that makes me look unlike myself.
It’s the way my eyes look. Too hard and sharp, just like the press of my lips. A gust of wind blows my hair into my face and I flinch when Zeus combs it back and tucks it behind my ear.
If he notices, he doesn't give any indication.
