“But I mean it.”
A long silence spread between us. Then I cleared my throat. “Thank you. That... means more than you think.”
If we were anywhere else, I was certain I would throw myself at him. Instead, I turned around, swiping under my eye where there was a small, nearly inconspicuous tear. I walked toward the first desk, reaching into the cart to pull out a package, leaving it on the desk.
I’m going to keep my shit together. I don’t have the time or the energy to get too mushy about this.
Still, it took me a few heaving breaths to settle myself before I could speak again.
CHAPTER 26
Krusk
Ibarged into my clan chief’s living room, fully aware of the temper sparking off of me like electricity. Everyone was already seated at the huge table in the dining room.
“We have someone to kill,” I announced, and every eyebrow in the room went up, especially the female who was perched on her mate’s lap, her stomach so pregnant, I wondered if she was going to pop. “Hi Pen,” I added with a wave. She grinned at me, waving back.
“That’s one way to start a meeting,” her mate, Dristan—our chief—said from where he was leaning back in his seat, his big palms under her stomach, cupping her there.
It was something that orcs loved to do near the end of their mate’s pregnancy whenever they could. Holding the weight of their youngling in their hands to take some of the load off of her and also to cradle their family close.
I’d seen my own parents do it when I was very young andmy mother was pregnant with Enka. Nostalgia, love and longing ripped through me at the visual they made sitting there. That could be me one day. With my Emma. The possibilities lay ahead of me in a much more attainable way than I’d ever had before.
“Whoever it is, we’ll get to them and how slowly we want them dead—” Rok started with a firm nod, before being interrupted by Rudgar who sent him a remonstrative look.
“Or if we should be killing them at all,” he drawled, adjusting his arm around his mate Becca who was leaning against him. There was an annoyed murmur from around the room—probably because there hadn’t been any bloodshed within our clan for a long time and everyone felt like we were overdue.
Rudgar rolled his eyes. “That’s not why we’re here though. First, we’ll have an announcement and Ireallyshouldn’t have to be the one making it,” he said, glaring in Dristan’s direction where he was ignoring him and murmuring in his mate’s ear.
“But since our clan chief couldn’t be bothered to read any meeting notes I send to him,” he added, still being ignored by his brother. “Then I’ll just do it myself. Becca is having a youngling.” He grinned huge, his fangs pronounced as Rok lifted Becca onto his lap while she laughed, wrapping his arms around her stomach.
The entire room cheered in an uproar of sound and screams. The females all surrounded Becca first, with Pen in the lead, who was sobbing with joy.
Dristan sat in his chair, staring at his friend with a baffled expression before a slow smile spread across his lips. He stood, opening his arms and moving toward him, gathering him close and squeezing his eyes shut as they hugged.
“Congratulations, Rok.” I read from his lips as he squeezed him tight. I couldn’t see what the other male was saying, but joy shot through me at the news.
Our clan was growing, our numbers were increasing and nowI’d found my mate. Everything was falling into place. I looked over at my own brothers. Enka was standing behind his mate, his arms wrapped around her as they spoke in low voices to Rok and Becca.
Savla on the other hand was sitting where he’d been before, observing the ruckus with a slightly detached expression. I moved over to him first, putting my hand on his shoulder.
“It’s hard to feel this kind of joy at first, before you meet your mate, but I promise you, once you do, you’ll understand better,” I explain, crouching next to him. I would go give my congratulations as well, but I needed to check on my brother first.
“I don’t understand why they’re necessary to us,” he said in a low voice, pain flashing through his eyes for a second before he shook his head and the look disappeared. “If not for the mating, Father would still be alive,” he continued, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
Our past was awful, and not something that I liked to think about, but I understood where he was coming from. “You can look at it that way, or you can think that because Mother and Father had each other, they were able to be happy for the short time they had. And then—”
“And then they left us. Knowing that we would be alone,” he continued, looking up at me. The stubborn glint in his eyes was one I knew well. Savla wasn’t like Enka and I. He was an artist. He saw beauty in the world that I’d never understand, but he also held a mountain of emotions inside of him that I’d never feel.
“Father waited until I was old enough—” I started, but Savla shook his head.
“You werenotold enough to take care of us, Krusk, and you know it,” he hissed out, keeping his voice low to ensure that we didn’t draw attention to ourselves. “And… I can’t help butthink that finding your mate makes you selfish in a way. Your responsibilities and the love you hold for others falls to the wayside. That one bond means everything to you instead. It’s… a selfish love.”
I gave him a soft, slow smile before nodding. “It can be, Sav. It can be. But it doesn’t have to be. Father was also an individual. A male who had his flaws. His mating made him stronger, but he was still weak in ways that youaren’t. It won’t be the same with you. I know it.”
He glared at me before shaking his head and tipping his chin toward where Rok and Becca were sitting. “It’s like you’recompelledto be with them. It takes away your free will.”
A rough laugh left me, and I shook my head at my feet before raising my head to look at him. “You don’thaveto be with them, Sav. But why would you choosenot to? Why would anyone choose to havelessjoy and love in your life?”
