Her roommate had leaned her head against Roan’s shoulder. He was obligated to not withdraw and act like they were a couple.
His actual girlfriend tugged her brother in their direction. Tank came willingly, dressed in jeans and a shirt that read ‘God will judge our enemies, we'll arrange the meeting.’ He was carrying a badly wrapped present in a paper bag.
“Tristan, I think you’ve mentioned—occasionally—that you wanted to meet my roomie Willow,” Clarissa said with breezy innocence.
Tank stepped forward, right hand outstretched. “Hello, I’m Tank. Clarissa’s brother and Roan’s best friend. You must be Willow. I’ve heard almost nothing about you. He’s been quite cagey.”
Willow straightened, affected a serene face, and folded her hands. “Namaste.”
The expression on Tank’s face of being rejected almost made Roan laugh. He hadn’t been prepared for that response to his introduction.
Clarissa swooped in between them to take the present. “So sweet of you, best brother ever.”
As she added it as the third gift on the dining room table, Willow said, “A little bit further away from the birthday cake.”
“Of course, Willow Branch.” Clarissa smiled, though Roan had never ever not a single time heard her use that nickname before.
“We can’t allow it’s industrial chemicals to contaminate your organic, vegan, ethically sourced birthday cake,” Willow explained, her expression not changing.
“Can’t have that,” Clarissa said with good humor, moving the offending package to the requested spot. “Is it time to bring out the vegan gluten-free sugar-free nut-free cruelty-free preservative-free non-GMO cupcakes?”
They spoke the brazen lies with an astounding amount of confidence. The cake had no such categorical specialness beyond it naturally being vegetarian. Still in the fridge, the Giant Eagle cupcakes’ only special feature was to be vanilla instead of chocolate like the cake.
Considering Drew was lurking by the fridge, it was possible he’d been on whatever game the girls were running, since he had removed the label on those same cupcakes.
Then again, he appeared positively terrified of Tank, so possibly not.
The game was just beginning, and Tank stared at the two women like they had fifteen heads. “Did you become a vegan?”
“Of course. It’s the healthiest way to live, as opposed to consuming other creatures. We must also be inclusive of other dietary needs. Everyone’s becoming vegan,” Clarissa told him in a way that suggested their behavior was sensible.
Her brother latched onto one piece of information. “Roan, you became a vegan?”
“Roanie’s so committed to the lives of other animals.” Willow kissed his cheek and put her arm around his back.
Somehow, Roan managed to retain control of his natural response. His body desperately wanted to recoil from her touch because it was quite cognizant that she wasn’t Clarissa. Over the past ten months, his body was very clear it was a Clarissa-sexual, and Willow, despite her enthusiasm, did nothing for him.
Speaking of Clarissa, she gave him a subtle nod to play along. She was sending another text message, coping just fine.
Tank, however, was not doing as well. “Well. Umm. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I can see why Roan has been keeping you to himself.”
Roan’s fake girlfriend responded to his dig with, “Of course. Lack of foresight is a common cognitive bias among certain groups.”
Before anyone could call her out on her bonkers definition of cognitive bias, the doorbell rang.
CHAPTER 21
It was the other two couples, and brief introductions were passed around. Roan had a vague memory of seeing the women in passing. Avigayle was a third-year resident, and her husband was a slim, dark-skinned man. Lillian was a first-year pediatrics attending, and she brought along her red-headed fiancé.
Not one of them batted an eye when Willow instructed them on the best place to position their gifts on the table as to not disrupt the feng shui of their gathering.
Odder and odder that the newcomers acted like this was normal.
Especially when Avigayle announced they had brought gluten-free vegan pizza in a box he recognized from the very dairy-oriented kosher Kinnert Pizza shop.
After Drew had acted as runner to hang up their coats too, the degree of the conspiracy was even more obvious. All the women wore a version of pink and turquoise.
The same color of his décor, and Clarissa’s favorites.
