Tubbs stared at me with that weird smile, eyebrows raised and eyes wide.I had the distinct impression he was trying to look friendly, inviting.
He looked like he was about to turn me into a skin suit.
The unsettling silence stretching out like goopy tar between us made me feel like I’d missed my cue and was about to get shouted at.Again.
I cleared my throat, motioning vaguely with the drink still in my hand.“So...”
“I know we have a shit history,” he said, practiced smoothness rounding out his usual staccato speech.I imagined him reciting his lines in front of a mirror, down to the expressions on his ruddy face because whatever mask he was wearing, it wasn’t the infamous Gerald Tubbs Junior scowl and furrow.It wasunsettling.“And I take a measure of responsibility for that.You were a very young man when we had ourincidentand—”
“Whoa,” I blurted, so startled I sloshed my drink onto my cuff, damn it.What gets bottom shelf bubbly out of thrifted Versace?Shit.Focus, Damien.“We don’t have ashit history.We have an acrimonious situationship, at best.I was akid, Tubbs.Not a young man.I was twelve when you got in my face and humiliated me in front of my peers.And,” I cut him off, well aware my voice was creeping up in volume and pitch, “you got meblackballedfrom pretty much every role I auditioned for over the next five or six years.”
For just a moment, his careful mask slipped and he was sneering at me.It was back in place after just a snap but I still saw the real Tubbs behind the façade and it was oddly comforting, knowing I wasn’t losing my mind and he was still a huge jerk.“If you think I had the power to get you blacklisted for roles, then maybe you really were the soft-headed little putz I called you.”He made an abortive movement, realizing belatedly he’d left his drink with Ms.Terhune.“Have you really spent the past six—”
“Ten.”
“Ten?”He let out a low whistle.“Well, that answers that.You reallyhavespent a decade dwelling on a childhood monster.”Tubbs spread his hands wide and, for one horrible moment, I thought he was asking for a hug.But he was just in his big physical gestures stage, I guess, because he kept going, sweeping his arms back and tucking them at his lower back as he started to pace in tiny, heavy steps the width of our little alcove.“And I’ve come to understand that being that monster, giving you reason to doubt me and, no doubt, be wary of other directors, producers, hell, justmenfor nearly half your life.”His sympathetic wince was almost too much to handle and he knew it, his smirk fleeting as he glanced at my balled fist, clicking his tongue.“Now, I’m here in peace, Damien.And I’ve even come offering you a gift.A role.A lead role, at that.”Tubbs rocked back on his heels, expectant.
“Uh.”
His expression froze, then slid into practiced, uncomfortable politeness.“Ah.So you really have retired then?This isn’t just a flail for relevance before bowing to the inevitability of character roles and possibly a side gig as aspecial guest speakerat local community college theatre classes.”
“There’s nothing wrong with any of that,” I protested, though maybe not as vehemently as I should have.I mean...okay, let’s be real here for a sec.The majority of young (or not so young) hopefuls trying to make it in the industry aren’t setting out thinkinggee, I really want to be remembered as that one guy who was in that show with those people whenever your family sits down to watch something I’m in.
“Tch!I know, I know,” he soothed—badly—stepping in close to bring the distance between us down to an uncomfortable degree.“Listen, you and I both know it’s an ugly world we’re in, Damien.I don’t mean politics,” he added with a sneer.“Who case about that shit, right?Like anything we do will help or hurt.But no,ourworld.It’s ugly.It’s made out of tissue paper, and people are obsessed with it.They’re quick to forget once a new shiny thing comes along, but crazy for nostalgia.”
Both of us look past the edge of the fake ivy trellis to see Ms.Terhune and Ms.Sommers drifting regally through the assemblage.Gwendolyn Terhune’s head is high, shoulders back, a queen who knows her worth and accepts nothing less.Pamela Sommers, though...She was softer, quieter.Subdued but no less proud as she trailed in Ms.Terhune’s wake, a sweet and quiet drift of pastels and familiar smiles that drew everyone’s eyes as she passed.Murmurs followed them as they moved and I recognized the quick, whispered conversations as they were recognized, the sudden excitement hidden behind polite, social masks as old fans felt those familiar affections stirring.I’d seen it when hanging around colleagues after a day’s shooting, I’d seen it with Max while we were out and about.Those quickoh my god is that...It is!Thenokay play it cool, don’t be a dorkcalming breaths and affectations of nonchalance.
It wasn’t as rampant with the ladies as it would have been with Max or even one of the more, ah, current stars I’d been around when they got recognized, but it was still obvious if you knew how to look.
Tubbs nudged my arm with the back of his hand, eyes narrowed in a barely suppressed smile.“See what I mean?They haven’t been in a single property sinceLadies Who Lunchwhen off the air almost forty-five years ago, but people are lighting up like they’re about to meet Santa Claus.Look at him there,” he added, nudging me again and directing my attention towards a man in a blue suit and stripey button up shirt.He was double fisting the wine glasses, proffering one to Gwendolyn Terhune and one to Pamela Sommers.Both accepted, which made the man beam like those LED headlights that blinds you on the 405 when you’re just trying to freaking get home at three in the morning.“He’ll be buzzing about that for weeks.Months, probably.And it’ll be a happy little memory for him in years to come whenever it drifts across the old brain pan.”He made a motion like he was about to take a sip of his own drink then frowned when he remembered he’d handed it off.
The pause gave me enough time to take a breath, to push out the words that’d been dancing on the back of my tongue for a few minutes now.“What makes you think I’d want to work foryou, Tubbs?The last time I did, you verbally abused me, threatened me, and thenfiredme when I told you to back off.”
His face reddened—not an easy feat considering how ruddy he was naturally—and, with a huff, Tubbs tipped his chin and tried to stare me down.“I’ve had years to reflect and realize I should’ve handled the situation differently.”
“Is this part of a twelve-step program or something?Are you on themake amendsstep?”
The faint squeak of his teeth grinding told me I might need to consider making a run for it.I made it as far as half a step back when Tubbs’ hand shot out and latched on to my wrist, anchoring me in place.“If you think I won’t make a scene, you’re seriously deluded.You’re not the first old guy to grab me over drinks and you won’t be the last one I shout at when he won’t let go.”
Tubbs held on a moment longer then, in tiny increments, relaxed his grip.“I can only start over so many times,” he muttered, and I wondered if he was talking about our conversation.“Look, Damien, I screwed up royal, alright?And no matter what I think, you were a kid and...and I was very aggressive with my displeasure,” he gritted out.“I’m working on a film right now.We’re in pre-production and will start filming in December.It’s...It’s about Beth Ellison.Her life, her...her sudden end.Her legacy.”
He had my attention and he knew it.Warming up to his subject, Tubbs leaned closer, eager.“It’s going to be unflinching.Beth Ellison was a wonderful, kind, beautiful person.Inside and out.Something I didn’t respect enough about her when she was alive and...”
To my vague horror, Tubbs choked up, eyes shining with tears as he turned his face away to stare at the blank wall of the little alcove.After a shuddering breath, then another, he nodded to himself and squared his shoulders before turning back to me.“See?”he smiled sadly.“I do have a heart in there somewhere.”
I try to be nice.I try to be kind.Sometimes I succeed.Sometimes I succeed only because I’m too startled to give in to my knee-jerk sarcasm and sass.Andthatwas the opening Tubbs took, leaping in with both feet and a dream.The movie was independently funded—he caught my wince and chuckled.“Don’t worry.The money’s already in escrow, so no fundraising necessary.The script is done, so no worries there either.”
“I’ve been in it long enough to know there’s never a final version,” I remarked dryly.“Just slightly more final than the last.”
He chuckled again and it was disturbing howwarmhe sounded, like some negaverse version of the Tubbs I’d known and feared for years.“I’d ask you to trust me but I know that’s improbable.”His phone buzzed and he frowned, glancing at the screen before shoving it back into his pocket.“I don’t have a lot of time here and I’ve wasted so much already.”He pulled a business card out of his breast pocket and, after finding a pen in his other one, wrote down a time and slip number on the back.“Come to my boat tonight—theBeth—and I’ll give you some sides to read.I think you’ll really like it.It’s smart, it’s honest, it’s heartbreaking.It’s not a teenager role,” he added, one dark brow lifted in challenge.
Damn it.He knew I was going to ask, that I wouldn’t be able to help myself.With a sigh, I motioned for him to say it.“Go on.Who?”
His laugh this time was from the belly as he clapped his hand on my shoulder and gave me a shake.“Me.The role isme.”
#
BEN WAS DIVESTED OFhis hangers-on when I emerged, a little shocky and a lot disoriented, from behind the trellis, Tubbs taking off towards the ladies and Nate, his familiar glare firmly in place as he closed in, one finger coming up to jab at Nate who raised his hands in defense.
