Sebastian frowned. “I thought a husband and wife should not have secrets.”
“Do you not have secrets from me?”
Unfortunately, Isabel had a point. He looked down at his packet of roasted nuts for a spell. They’d been dipped in honey before being sent into the gentle flames. What a treat they had been for him as a child. An awfully rare treat, one where he could spend days slowly sucking the honey off each nut before finally eating them one by one.
So far, today, he had only eaten two.
After Sebastian spent a minute wondering if it was worth pressing Isabel for her secrets, to know what made her laugh, he grudgingly gave up.
“I am glad you enjoyed yourself,” he said at last. “Marcus and the gymnasium are very important to me.”
“The two of you must have been friends for some time.”
He gave a curt nod. “For most of my life, really. Do you… do you know much of my past?”
Scooting further to the edge of her seat, Isabel opened her eyes wider than before. “Not really. There are rumors, I suppose, but there are rumors about everything and anything. The Eastwynd household doesn't know you particularly well. What I know most of all comes from our time together, I suppose. That, and you care about people.”
That surprised Sebastian. He straightened up in confusion. That wasn’t something that was often said about him. “What does that mean?”
“It means you are a good person.”
Such a simple answer in a complex situation. A weight settled on his chest as he opened his mouth. But what could he say? That she was wrong? That she didn’t know what he had been forced to do to survive as a child? He slowly closed his mouth, realizing he was about to take this conversation into a place he still wasn’t ready to show her.
The gymnasium was supposed to safe. That has to be enough.
“Sebastian?” Isabel asked when he said nothing. Her voice was gentle as she set the nuts down in her lap. “I really am grateful for today. For sharing this with me, it means a lot. What you gave me was a very generous gift. I would like to know more about you. I don’t care about rumors. I care about the truth, and about you. How you came to meet Marcus, about owning the gymnasium, about everything.”
Wasn’t this enough to prove I care? That I can be trusted? I cannot break myself open just to appease her. It would undo me.
His hand clenched over his own bag, crinkling the material noisily between them. “No.”
She didn’t appear as surprised this time. Although, he noticed, a little hurt. “No?”
“No,” Sebastian confirmed firmly. “I showed you all I could, Isabel. Enough that… that you might know me better. But it is all I can offer now. Don’t ask for more. I cannot give you what you want.”
Leaning forward, Isabel asked, “And what is it you think I want?”
Their faces were closer than Sebastian expected. He must have moved forward at some point and now she was right there before him. That earnest look in her face was terribly endearing. There was that bravery he knew lived within her.
And she feels the need to be brave around me.
Setting aside the nuts, he gently brushed a loose strand of hair away from Isabel’s cheek. Her lips parted but not a sound escaped. He wondered if this upset her. The look in her eyes changed to something warm, something he didn’t recognize.
Yet it intrigued him. Silence settled in the tiny distance between him and his wife. A silent whirlwind that made his heart hammer. Dimly recalling the way she had looked at him under the mistletoe, he thought perhaps this was a similar expression.
Then he caught his hand tracing over her jaw like it had a mind of its own. Or perhaps, he feared, like it was following his instinct. His desire, even.
So he pulled back. Turning pointedly away from his wife, he muttered to her, “You should get some rest. We have a long ride ahead of us.”
Isabel heaved a great sigh that he swore he felt brush across his lips. His face burned but he forced himself not to look back. Because if he looked, then he would talk. He might even touch. And he might bare the shreds of his soul to a woman who deserved so much more.
A new silence fell between them as they journeyed home. Isabel didn’t bring back any conversation, and Sebastian spent the while torn between wishing she would and relieved that she didn’t.
What was he supposed to do now with her?
CHAPTER 19
It was the morning of the day before Christmas when Isabel arose, decidedly keeping the early hours simple.
