“Maybe. I want her to be happy. You know I do. You know I’d do anything if it made her happy.”
I set my cigar in the antique crystal ashtray next to me. I rose from the chair and walked to the fireplace and rested my forearm against the mantle, clenching my fist as I stared into the flames.
“I’m sensing abut. How do you feel about another baby? About adoption?”
I looked at the man I considered a brother, even though we didn’t share the same bloodline. “I love our life the way it is. I don’t want it to change.”
“Then say no. You have three lads already. And they’re a handful.”
I sighed in frustration. “She says…she says our family doesn’t feel complete. That something—someone—is missing. I can’t be the reason she doesn’t feel complete, Duncan. But I’m not convinced this is best for us.”
He stared at me for a long moment.
I sighed. “I think I feel pangs of guilt,”
“About what?” he demanded.
“Bringing her into our way of life. Her whole world changed when she decided to be with me.”
“Yourwhole world changed, too,” he reasoned.
“It’s not the same. I grew up in the SINS. She didn’t.”
He lifted his glass of scotch to his lips and sipped. “I guess you have to ask yourself the real question then: will she resent you if you don’t give her another baby?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you afraid you won’t be able to love a child that’s not of your blood? Not of Barrett’s blood?”
I fell silent.
“Ah,” he said with a slow nod. “I see. You really should’ve discussed this with Sasha. He could give you better insight on the matter.”
I scratched a thumb across my stubbled jaw. “I thought about calling him. But he and I—most moments, most situations, I can forget that he once loved my wife and wanted her for his own. I know he’s in love with Quinn. I know it. But talking to Sasha about bringing another child into my family feels…”
“Cruel.”
“Aye. Cruel.”
“Loving Barrett has changed you. Made you softer.”
“Hey,” I warned. “I’m not soft.”
“I didn’t call you soft. But some of your—how shall I say it—your rougher edges, have been filed down a bit.”
“This is why we have to ensure we raise tough men. Because when we’re old, we’ll be soft and used to comfort, and we won’t remember what we spent our lives fighting for.”
“Do you think Da was soft in the end?” Duncan asked.
“No. Malcom wasn’t soft.”
I returned to my seat. I needed more time to think about what Barrett was asking for.
“Whatever you decide, it will be right,” Duncan said.
“Shut up, ye bastard,” I said with a laugh. “What if it were Ash? And she wanted another?”
“If Ash wanted to adopt because we couldn’t have another, I would do it,” he said without pause. “There are children that need a home, and we’ve got one. Family is everything, brother, and you know as well as I do that sometimes family isn’t made by blood. Family is clan…family is life. Look,” he continued, “even if wanting another baby is just a mask for something deeper, in the end, you’d be doing something meaningful. How bad could it be?”
