“It’s not good, Ash.”
“Hownot good?”
“It’s an aggressive type of brain tumor and there’s no cure. Dr. Elmond is confident he can get most of it with surgery, but I’d have to go through chemo and radiation. Most patients with this type of tumor only live twelve to eighteen months even after surgery, and only five percent live longer than five years. Surgery, chemo, radiation…they only buy me time. And there can be complications with the surgery. Things can change for the worse, even if I…”
“What are you saying, Barrett?” she asked, her voice sounding very far away.
“You know exactly what I’m saying.”
“You don’t want—you’re not going to have the surgery, are you?”
“I haven’t decided.”
“Bullshit,” she spat. “Youalwaysknow. You know without ever asking anyone’s opinion, because you keep your own council. Would you have even told me if I hadn’t seen your missed calls?”
“No,” I said immediately. “I wouldn’t have shared this with you.”
“But you shared it with Sasha.”
“He was there when I had a seizure,” I pointed out. “I didn’t have a choice.”
“Have you told Flynn?”
“I was about to. And then the bomb.”
“You need to tell him. Now. Call him this minute.”
I raised my brows. “Why? So he has something else to worry about? Worry that his wife is dying or nearly dead already?”
“Fucking hell, Barrett,” she snapped. “I knew it. I knew you weren’t going to have the surgery.”
“Why would I?” I asked.
“Whywouldn’tyou. You could be the one that defies the odds!”
“Perhaps. But I’m not really a best-case scenario type of person.”
“You’ve been shot, drugged, kidnapped, and fallen from the second story of a house. They didn’t know if you were going to be paralyzed, but guess what? You weren’t. You’re Barrett fucking Campbell. You defyallthe odds.”
“I haven’t told you everything,” I said.
“Good God, there’s more?”
“If I have the surgery, I might no longer be myself.”
“What does that even mean?”
“The tumor is in the part of my brain that controls my personality. So, let’s say I survive the surgery and I defy the odds and I live. What if I’m notmewhen I wake up? What will that do to Flynn? To my children? That’s as good as dying in surgery, Ash.”
“So that’s it?” she demanded. “You’re giving up?”
“No, I’m not giving up. I’m choosing to live the last months of my life the wayIwant to live them.” Despite what she thought, I hadn’t truly decided what I’d wanted to do until Ash forced me to talk about my predicament.
I heard a child’s pattering footsteps and before I knew it, Iain ran into the kitchen and threw his arms around my legs.
“What is it, love?” I asked him, my arms stealing across his back to offer comfort.
“Bad dream,” he muttered.
