“When you shot me in the heart,” he paused, as if weighing his words, “did you kill only me? Or did part of you die that day as well?”
“Stop it, Igor.”
“You prove me right, again. I’m part of you. You know this. Everything I ask out loud, you’ve asked yourself a dozen times already.”
“I killed you because I loved Flynn…IloveFlynn.”
“You love me, too.”
“What I feel for you isn’t love.”
“Then what is it?” he demanded.
“Hell if I know.”
“We could’ve been happy together. If you’d chosen me.”
I mulishly clamped my mouth shut, but it didn’t stop the truth from leaking into my expression.
“You came here, to this house, the house I once brought you to. Why? Because you can’t let me go. You say you want to, but I know that you don’t. You come here once a year on the anniversary of the day you took everything from me.” He cocked his head to the side. “You haven’t told your husband. You’ve kept this a secret from him. It’s a betrayal. This house that you share with Sasha but not your husband.”
“This would hurt Flynn. I wouldn’t even know how to explain it to him. And I’m allowed to have secrets. He doesn’t have to knoweverythingabout me. I guarantee there are things I don’t know about him, even after all this time.”
“Secrets,” Igor murmured. “Da.But this isn’t the only secret you’re keeping from him, is it?”
The water had long since turned cold, but my body was hot. Feverish. On fire. From the words and truths spewing from a ghost I’d been unable to exorcise.
“Do you ever think about it?” Igor asked.
“Think about what?” I asked as I stood up from the bath and reached for a towel and wrapped it around me.
“What a life together would have looked like?”
“No, I don’t think about it,” I said, stepping from the tub. “My life is exactly as it should be. When I think of you, I only think of the woman I was before. She was innocent and naïve. She was a pawn. She was stupid. I refuse to live with regrets. And I have no remorse over pulling the trigger.”
“I’m the reason you became a queen,” he pointed out. “I’m the reason your husband keeps your council. Because of me, you stripped away a level of your humanity. You earned your respect of some of the most powerful men in the world. You have a place at their negotiation table. Make no mistake, because of me, your value has increased.”
Igor followed me out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. “What could we have done together? The world will never know.”
“So maudlin,” I muttered.
“We would’ve had a girl first,” he said.
“Stop,” I commanded as I reached for my clothes.
“I always liked the name Rose.”
I quickly pulled on my trousers, sweater, and then my socks, and then I fled the room. Igor trailed behind me.
“I would’ve hired someone to paint you,” he said. “Wearing nothing but mink and diamonds, round with my child.”
I traversed the staircase, my hand on the bannister.
“After about a year, I would’ve gotten you pregnant again. This time with my heir.”
I was on the verge of asking what his name would’ve been, but I bit my tongue, wanting—needing—to stop myself.
“Ivan,” Igor said, answering my unasked question.
