“Do you not trust me? After all this time?”
“No. God, no. I just—Christ, do you ever feel like you just need a moment. Several moments? To clear your head, so that when you do explain yourself, you’re not making more of a mess?”
“You made a bigger mess by leaving. By making us all worry about you.”
She paused, the silence heavy between us.
“I am sorry for that. For causing unnecessary worry. Are you upset, Flynn? About losing the baby?” she asked finally.
“Upset? No, I don’t think I am. It happened so long ago, Barrett. I didn’t even know.”
She opened her mouth like she was going to protest, but I quickly covered her lips with my hand. “Let me speak. Another bairn would’ve been…well, another adventure, for sure. But the miscarriage happenedtoyou, Barrett. This feels… I don’t know, like I’m somehow removed from it and not just because of the time that’s passed.” I lifted my hand to let her speak.
She swallowed. “You don’t grieve this loss of what could’ve been?”
“Grieve? Aye, but more for you and your sadness.” I clenched my jaw. “You shouldn’t have grieved alone. If there’s anything to be upset about, it’s that. Woman, you’re never alone—and if you feel like you are alone, it’s because you choose to feel that way, but that doesn’t make it true. What more do I have to do to prove to you that I’m here, that I’m not going anywhere?”
She looked around. “Here. In Dolinsky’s home. Yeah, it’s official. I really don’t deserve you.”
“Why do you say that? Look what you’ve done for me. For the lads. For our family. The sacrifices you’ve made.”
“What sacrifices?” she asked.
“Your career. You would’ve gotten your PhD and had a full teaching load long ago if it weren’t for your family.”
“And gone home to that same small apartment night after night, if I wasn’t falling asleep at my desk,” she said with a wry smile. “I don’t miss that life, Flynn. I really don’t.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
Her smile dimmed. “Does this change things for you? About adopting?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a sigh.
She nodded. “I meant what I said though. I won’t pressure you into anything. I’ve had a lot of time to think about things, even though admitting them to myself took a while.” She paused. “Speaking of bairns, ours are way too smart for their own good. When I called Moira to check in with them, Hawk immediately asked if we were fighting. I told them we weren’t. Hawk didn’t sound like he believed me. He’s definitely your son.”
I smiled, feeling inordinately pleased with myself. “We should call them. Together. We should do it soon, considering the time change. They’ll be going to bed soon.”
“We might want to find some clothes first,” she suggested. “Did you pack a bag?”
“A small one. It’s in the car.”
She sat up, the blanket dropping from her body. Barrett looked around the room, her expression resolved.
“I don’t think I need to come back here,” she said quietly.
“No?”
Barrett looked at me. “No. This place is a tie to the past. I don’t want to live in the past anymore. I want to move forward, Flynn.”
I took her hand and laced my fingers through hers.
“Let’s get dressed and call our boys. I need to hear their voices.”
We got back into our clothes and then settled on the couch. I removed my cellphone from my pocket and dialed my aunt’s number.
“They’re not here,” Moira said. “Colleen took them for the day.”
“She already has three of her own children to look after,” Barrett said with a laugh.
