“That’s a different question though, isn’t it?”
“Life is either a series of emotional pitfalls or actual catastrophic events. Very rarely do any of us just get to sit andbe.”
“Why are we talking about this?” she demanded. “Don’t you worry that talking about it will bring it about? Like summoning a ghost?”
A hazy film seemed to appear over my eyes. I blinked a couple of times, clearing it away and my focus returned. I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept in hours. I knew when my head hit the pillow, I’d fall asleep almost immediately, and I also knew I’d only have a few hours before I’d be reawakened by Piper’s needs. But once a mother, always a mother. I hadn’t truly slept long or deep since Hawk’s birth. Sleep was the price you paid for motherhood.
“You’re allowed to be happy, Barrett,” she said when I didn’t reply. “You have everything you want.”
“Then why do I have a vision of a large hand flipping the edge of a chessboard, sending the pieces clattering to the floor?”
“Clearly you don’t trust it to last.”
“Probably,” I agreed. “In the grand scheme of the cosmic universe, we’re just pieces being maneuvered until we no longer have any use.”
“Jeez. Morbid much?”
“Sorry. But it is sort of terrifying. We’re all healthy. We’re all young. We’re all alive. That won’t always be the case. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound so gloomy, but everything is perfect, and you’re right, I’m scared it won’t last.”
She tapped the side of her crystal glass. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Malcolm recently.”
“Have you?”
“Yeah. It feels… I don’t know. We lost him so suddenly, so tragically. It’s been years now, but…this washishome. He raised Duncan and Ramsey in this house. And Flynn when he was a teen. And now, Duncan and I are raising our own family here. It’s just weird, you know? The cycle of life.”
“The cycle of death.”
“Gloomy, indeed,” she said with a wry smile. “We’re quite a pair.”
“We are.”
She paused for a moment. “You never talk about your parents.”
“I don’t,” I agreed.
“Do you miss them?”
“Of course I miss them. I just…can’t think about them.”
“Why?”
“If I think of them, I’ll think of my brother, and he needs to stay in the steel box I put him in.”
“That makes sense.” She nodded. “I’m not sure I would’ve survived if I’d been through what you’ve been through.”
“What have I been through?” I asked with a laugh.
“Whathaven’tyou been through?” she countered. “My parents are still alive, but I don’t particularly care for them. Yours are gone. My brother is still alive, and I adore him. Your brother is deceased and… I mean you get that what you’ve been through isn’t normal, right? You’ve been through so much—”
“Let’s not do this,” I suggested. “Let’s not put things in columns just to see what the tally will be for each of us. We’re both happily married, we’re here to watch our children grow, we’ve created a family, Ash. A family that was chosen. Blood doesn’t matter like people think it does.”
Piper let out a little noise, but otherwise didn’t stir.
“We have the most important things in life: love and health. What else is there?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she agreed. “Nothing at all.”
Chapter20
