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Even as I said it, though, I knew it was bullshit.
The reason I'd needed to become hard and cold was because I couldn't have her in my life anymore, because I thought I couldn't ever have her in my life the way I wanted her.
Now, though?
Here she was, in my arms, telling me she'd be waiting for me, worrying about me, happy to be woken up with my hands and mouth on her when I got back.
It was all I'd ever wanted.
I had never felt so warm before. All that hard and ugly that had been my life for so long seemed like it was gone in a blink, leaving me the person I'd been before she left, stealing all the sun from my life. Now that it was back, she was back, everything felt bright and warm and right. As fucking cheesy as that sounded.
"You've always been a little grumpy," she reminded me. "And I've always loved that about you," she added, making my heart catch in my chest.
Was it the exact declaration I was looking for?
No.
She'd told me she loved me a million times since we were young. She had always been generous with her feelings, with her expression of them, with making you feel appreciated and important in her life.
Still, it had been a long time since I heard her say it.
And it felt good.
And it would just have to be enough to hold me over until I could get the exact declaration from her that I genuinely never thought I could ever hear.
"I've always loved everything about you," I told her, leaning down to seal my lips to hers. Not hard and hungry, but full of all the things I'd been feeling for so long, but unable to express to her.
"Yo, we're heading..." Reeve's voice started then trailed off as he opened the bedroom door.
It had been an eventful day of our loved ones happening upon us while we were in somewhat compromised positions.
"Dad!" Andi shrieked a little, pulling out of my arms. "Um..."
"Baby girl, your business is your business," he said, giving her a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. It fell from his face entirely when he looked at me, though. "Your business, though, yeah I'm all in on that," he declared.
"Dad, don't," Andi tried.
"I just have some things to cover with him," Reeve said, shrugging.
"It's okay," I told her, giving her hand a squeeze. "I can take it," I assured her. "We'll be back," I added. "Try to get some sleep, okay?"
"I'll try," she agreed, lower lip wobbling just the tiniest bit.
I wanted to go back to her, to assure her that everything was going to be okay, that she didn't have to worry.
But I couldn't give her that.
It wasn't the life I led.
And if she was going to be part of my life, then this sort of uncertainty was something she would need to learn to live with too. Even if I hated that.
"Reeve—" I started as we moved out into the hall.
"Wasn't that long ago that my little girl came home, collapsed on the floor, and woke me up because she was crying so hard," he said, making my stomach clench, knowing I'd been the cause of that, knowing I'd done that to her. "Now," he said, stopping before the doorway to the common area, "I admit, the girl cries waterfalls over a dead bumblebee. But if you ever make her break like that again, I don't give a fuck about my oath to this club, I will make you pay for it."
"I'd want you to make me pay for it," I told him, shrugging.
"I've been watching you moon over her since you were in kindergarten. Figured maybe you'd grow out of it. But then saw that it wasn't going to happen.
"I watched you lose yourself when you thought you lost her. I know that no one in the world is going to love her like you do," he said, sighing. "No one could ever deserve her. But you're as close as anyone is going to get to being worthy. But I expect you to prove that to her every single day of her life."
"I'm going to need to buy her a farm, aren't I?" I asked, wincing.
"At least five acres, I'd say," he agreed, smiling.
"Guess I will start looking into that," I told him, finding that I was actually excited about the prospect. Sure, I could bring her in on it, but Andi, she fucking loved surprises. The bigger and more well-thought-out, the better. She had a birthday coming next year. Giving her keys to her dream house sounded like a great way to celebrate.
Now I just had to survive through the night.
Which was looking more and more likely as we drove into the new neighborhood as one big unit, going in the direction of the one fully finished house, but finding maintenance trucks in the driveway.
