Except, even then, I can’t look. I keep it face down, and take it to the lounge. Clearly, I’m not emotionally capable enough to do this on my own.
I think about texting Payton, or going to fetch Hayley from whatever marital bliss she’s in.
They’re both in committed relationships—marriages—and expecting babies. They have everything.
But I’m perilously close to tears, and have all the emotional stability of a soggy paper bag.
I needsomeoneto help, because I am not at all sure what result I’m hoping for.
I glance down at the little plastic stick. Face to the counter, it’s like a grenade. A poisonous snake I don’t want to wake.
What if it’s positive? What will I do? What will Kon say?
And if it’s negative…?
A sob rises in my throat.
I actually think that would be worse. I’ve got this idea about being pregnant, and having a child who I could pour affectionon. The thought of having a piece of Kon and me together is warmth from the inside out.
There’s one person I want by my side as I find out if I’m pregnant, and despite the fact I love my sisters, it’s not either of them.
It’s Kon.
Kon said come over about anything. Any time. I could…
Look, this is silly. I’m an adult.
I push back my shoulders. It’s okay.
I can do it. I can just look at the test…
But as I reach for the plastic stick, my eyes close, and I slip it into my pocket. Then I’m on my feet, and opening doors.
Kon opens the door to his apartment wearing only a pair of tight black boxers that leave nothing to the imagination.
“Zhizn moya.”
His short hair is slightly flattened and there’s stubble on his jaw, but I can’t tear my eyes from his body. I haven’t seen him like this since that night, and I’m so greedy to look at him. Even more so than when he first took his clothes off in front of me.
He’s amazing. He’s not like a dancer. At all. Where we’re all plucked and smooth and slim, Kon is huge, his chest covered in dark hair that partially obscures his tattoos. He has muscles, big ones, but also a layer of padding that you’d never find on a dancer. He’s strong, and solid.
Seeing him brings back a barrage of sensations from the night I first saw him naked, and I flush.
“Taylor,” he says urgently, and I realise he’s probably said my name twice already while I just gawked at this huge man who is all the fantasies I didn’t know I had.
And some I discovered with him.
“What happened?” he demands, taking a step into the corridor, wild-eyed. And he looks so worried, so compassionate, and simultaneously so entirely hot, I consider bolting back downstairs.
I can’t say that I was so weak and silly that I couldn’t look at a pregnancy test on my own.
“Kon.” My voice wobbles.
“Yes.” He reaches out and draws me into his apartment, closing the door behind me. His big hand spans my waist and oh my gosh.
He’s really, so beautiful.
And he’s been so kind. My eyes prickle. What’s wrong with me?
