“Since I don’t consider him dangerous at this point, before I went to see you, I housed him on the second floor,” I told her as I gestured towards the elevators.“The third floor is for our more volatile patients, making them easier to reach from the physicians’ floor.”
Not caring a lick how The Knights Group worked, once we entered the elevator, she asked, “Does he know that I’m coming?”
“Yes,” I answered.“In fact, he knew before I’d even told him.”
Elisabeth looked up at me.“You do know that it was a fifty-fifty guess, right?”
“I’m aware,” I drawled out.“But...you’ll know what I mean once you meet him.He’s...he’s different, Lissa.”
“No, he’s not,” she insisted.“They never are, Russ.”
“Will you quit calling me that,” I bit out, letting the frustration of this entire situation get to me.
Her brows knitted in confusion.“What?Russ?Isn’t that your name?”
“My name is Lazarus,” I replied.“Something that you know very well.”
Fire sparked in those beautiful eyes of hers as she said, “Bring up that night again, and I will walk out the door.I’m not kidding, either.”
I threw my hands up in mock surrender just as the elevator stopped on the second floor.“Sorry,” I quickly rushed out, needing her more than she could possibly know.“I won’t bring it up again.”
As we exited the elevator, Elisabeth chose to move past my fuck-up, asking, “Am I meeting him alone, or are you going to be in the room with us?”
“I thought that it’d be best if you met with him alone at first...you know, to get a feel for him without any outside influences or interference,” I suggested.“I could always join you after you’ve spoken to him a while.”
“And what’s the gameplan after this?”she asked.“You’ve asked me to come here to evaluate him, but what happens after I’ve given my assessment?Do you transfer him to St.Dymphna?Do you let him live his life out here in peace since he’s a walk-in?What?What happens next, Russ?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead,” I admitted.
Elisabeth stopped walking.“Why does he have you so spooked, Russ?And don’t bullshit me about his eyes or whatever.What made you go see me?”
Looking around, I spotted a medicinal room, then I grabbed her by her arm, dragging her behind me for some privacy.While I knew that she probably didn’t appreciate my hands on her, I also didn’t want to have this conversation in the hallway where anyone could overhear.
Shutting us in the room together, I said, “He mentioned nightmares that I used to have as a kid.He asked me how I was sleeping these days.”
The woman looked unimpressed again.“You’re a physician who treats the mentally disturbed, so it’d stand to reason that you might not sleep well.Plus, all kids have nightmares, Russ.Did he go into detail about your nightmares?Was he able to specifically outline them?Or was it another broad generalization?”
I ran a hand through my hair in frustration.“Why don’t you believe me?I’d think that you-of all people-would approach this with an opened mind.”
“You’re such a fucking asshole,” she spat.“This isn’t a goddamn circus act, Russ.I don’t treat these people for entertainment purposes or because they’re a challenge.I chose religious-based disorders because I believe in God, and I want to know why and where their delusions come from.I want to know if it’s really a mental disorder or if everything that I’ve been raised to believe is real.Not only do I want to help my patients, but I want to learn from them also.I will never turn away an angel because I’m dismissing the host as crazy.However,I’ve also been doing this for enough years to know that there is always an explanation for the unexplainable.You just have to look deep enough.”
“Okay, stop,” I ordered, placing my hands on her shoulders.“I didn’t mean it that way, just like I didn’t mean it that way when I asked you why you chose religion as your preferred discipline.I just...I just want to understand you, Lissa.That’s all that I’ve ever wanted.I just want toknowyou.”
Instead of acknowledging my apology, she said, “Get your hands off me.”
Again, I threw my hands up in mock surrender, wondering why only this woman could drive me so fucking crazy by just being nearby.“Sorry.”
We stayed silent for a few seconds, the both of us trying to calm down, and I really had no idea how I kept fucking up with this woman.Three months later, and I still acted like a clumsy frat boy around her, and I had no idea why.It was like she’d woven a spell over me that night, and it also felt like she was the only thing that could break it.
“Okay, just...we’ll do it your way, and I’ll speak with him alone at first, then we can go from there,” she said, and I couldn’t describe how happy I was that she wasn’t walking out on me again.
“Do you want me to move him to an observation room, or do you feel comfortable meeting with him in his room?”I asked, sticking with business.
“An observation room,” she answered.“Normally, I’d be fine with what makes the patient comfortable, but since he referred to me by name, I’d like witnesses nearby and a recording of everything just in case things become violent.”
That had my back straightening.“Because you really think that I’d let anything happen to you?”
“Because I’ve been doing this for twenty years, and it wouldn’t be the first time that I’d gotten stitches because of a patient’s outburst,” she retorted coolly.
