Chapter 29
Elisabeth~
I couldn’t see, but even if I could, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to.I didn’t need physical proof that God existed anymore, and I really just wanted to go back to being normal Elisabeth Batya, but I knew that such a thing wasn’t possible; not after everything.
I also didn’t know what was going to happen next, but whatever it was, I was prepared for it.I was prepared for Heaven or Hell, and if God deemed me worthy enough, then I was prepared to go back to Lazarus and spend the rest of my life knowing that my faith was real, something that most people would never experience.
“You will not be the last, Elisheva,” that familiar voice said.“You will live on forever.”
I choked out a sob, but not because this was the end.Since I could still feel Lazarus with me, I knew that I wasn’t dead, and so that could mean only one thing.
We were going to have a baby.
It also didn’t matter that I was already forty-four or that Lazarus was forty-five.God was going to make sure that we had a healthy baby, and it was going to be up to us to make sure that he or she followed His plan.It was going to be up to us to make sure that His message didn’t get lost again.At least, where our family was concerned.
“I’m sorry,” I cried brokenly, and I meant it.I was so sorry for what we had become.
“I know that you are,” He said.“I know thatyouare.”
Surrounded in a shroud of darkness, I cried.I cried like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, and the pain seemed like it was never going to end.I felt a remorse that shook me to my core, very aware of all the sins that were coursing through my soul.I hurt for myself, Lazarus, my parents, my patients, and everyone else.I felt like I was losing myself, even though I knew that I wasn’t.
Though I had no idea how long I cried for, when my anguished wails finally turned into exhausted whimpers, He spoke to me again.“And that is why it had to be you, child.”
Before I could say anything to that, my eyes snapped open as I began gasping for air, and Lazarus’ arms wrapped around me like bands of steel.My eyes began to water as I tried to gather my bearings, and Lazarus’ voice was like a chaotic symphony of words that I couldn’t quite make out as I still tried to figure out what was happening.
“Jesus fuck,” Lazarus whispered emotionally as he rocked me back and forth.“Fuck, baby.”
When it finally dawned on me where we were, I said, “Quit cursing.We’re in the Lord’s house.”
Lazarus let out a broken laugh as he held me tighter.“Considering everything that we just went through, I’m fairly certain that He’ll give me this one.”
“How did you know I was going to be here?”I asked, my voice a raw mess.
“I didn’t,” he admitted.“It was a guess.”
Needing to sit up, I pulled out of his arms, then sat back against the first pew of the chapel.Lazarus was sitting up against the altar, and he looked as bad as I felt.It was then that I felt the sting in my right hand, and when I looked down, the scarred flesh of my palm was in the exact same pattern as the handle of the dagger that I had stabbed myself with.It was also deep enough that it was never going to go away, and I actually found that comforting for some reason.
“Are you okay?”Lazarus asked me, his voice a soft hesitation, almost like he was afraid that I was going to disappear again.
I looked into his deep brown eyes.“I will be.How about you?”
“Never again,” he answered honestly.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that he needed to be because we were going to have a baby sometime soon, but I didn’t.Even though I knew that he’d believe me, telling him that God had spoken to me felt like a betrayal of sorts.Whatever else happened in the future, I’d be taking it to my grave, and I knew that it was the right thing to do because I didn’t feel any guilt over it.
Eyeing me, he asked, “What happened?Do you remember?”
“It was a test,” I told him.“However, unlike Abraham with Isaac, this one was to prove to both sides that God’s children were still worth saving.”
“What did you have to do?”
“I had to kill myself,” I answered evenly as I showed him my palm.“The pattern is from the dagger that I used, though all my other injuries have seemed to have disappeared.”
