“Of course it is.”
We hung up and I replayed our conversation in my head. Druzella was right. I had to involve as few people as possible. Even without outright dropping the news on anyone, I’d already changed the course of my future with Jennifer and her course with whomever. The question now was do I get a couple of months to love Coop or a lifetime?
One of the biggest worries was staying here in this realm and having to relive ten years of my life. Would it be possible to make changes or choices that didn’t affect those around me? I’ve already changed too much.
A more serious concern was could I keep my sanity while pretending I didn’t know more than I should? How could I repeat college and not be bored out of my mind? I hadn’t been happy in tech and wished I’d done what I truly wanted to do, teach. Perhaps that was the answer.
Remaining in this universe meant having opportunities to make changes in my life, but I was scared shitless wondering what would happen in my original universe. What changes here had dramatic effects on Mike Hill there? My options were unlimited knowing what I knew about the future. I could change majors. I could create new challenges, correct mistakes so I could learn more and worry less.Shit!I could predict the stock market. There were a shit-load of advantages, but what were the perils?
I’d been miserable for more than a decade while I mourned Cooper. Now that I had the advantage of being back, I realized that I’d been in a decade-long funk. I loved Coop in a way that I hadn’t understood until I had ten years to suffer, wondering why my life felt empty even though I had plenty. Every bad choice and every mistake happened because I didn’t know I was allowing his loss to affect my life and my choices. I had simply gone along, gave up my power, and trudged through ten years of my life.
Perhaps that was the lesson here, the gift actually. Now I had the opportunity to be present in my life. I had agreed to Mom’s hair-brained scheme because I desperately wanted to be with Coop again. I still did, so why not make the best of a second chance?
Going back might be impossible now but wasn’t the tradeoff of repeating the next ten years far better than living a single minute more without the love of my life. Mom had given me the greatest gift a parent could give. Love.
I owed the people I’d hurt the same fair chance. Even Jennifer deserved to marry her soulmate, so perhaps by me coming back to save Coop I could help others.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN: Cooper
Igazed dreamily at Mikey while he slept, the rays of morning sunshine filtering through the blinds. The weather was warm so a thin top sheet was all we needed with a fan at the foot of the bed. He liked the white noise. I liked the breeze. He liked to spoon only until we began to fall asleep. I could have spooned all night long.
So many things about us were compatible. The similarities had always been that way. Born on the same day and growing up together was bound to cause parallels in our likes and dislikes. Trust me, we had many disagreements, but the likes that we shared outweighed the dislikes, and perhaps that’s what connected us to each other.
Sometimes I needed to pinch myself because we were a couple. I’d stopped asking why and had decided to live fully in thewhy not. I’d loved him my whole life, truly understanding the type of love I had for him the past four to five years. The change in our relationship came with its fair share of worry as well. I’d wanted this my entire life, thinking that he would never reciprocate my love in the fashion that I desired. But he had and here we were. My guess was that Mikey hadn’t put it together until recently. That didn’t make his love any less than mine in my selfish opinion.
Not even his partially opened mouth, his unruly hair, or the tiny bit of dried saliva on the corners of his lips could change my mind about him. He was my everything and I’d spent the past month thanking any and every one for the gift.
* **
“Of all the Gods in here, which one do I need to thank for Mikey’s love?”I’d asked Mrs. H. one evening while Mikey was at work. We were hanging out in their living room. I was holding a statue of a woman with eight arms.
Mikey’s mom smiled and studied me carefully, moving her eyes around the room in thought.“Thank yourself, Cooper,”she’d finally said.“Michael loves you because of you, not one of my deity’s.”
“You advised me to give him time. Do you remember saying that?”
“I do,”she’d confirmed.“But even I hadn’t held out much hope for this sort of change, son.”
I wondered what she meant by her words. Did Mrs. H. like that Mikey was gay? Was she disappointed about grandkids? I wanted to assure her that kids were still on the table.
“Are you disappointed by his choice?”
“Oh, honey. Of course not,”she’d declared.“How could I be? Michael is so fortunate to have someone who loves him the way I know you do; I couldn’t be happier about that. And, I’m proud of both of you.”
I took the opportunity and asked her a question I’d been hanging on to for far too long.“Why do you think he finally realized he has feelings for me?”I’d asked, afraid I could jinx my good fortune.
“He simply grew up, Cooper,”she’d said.“I don’t mean that he was immature or anything like that, but I suppose that after his father died, he understood what he truly wanted in a partner. He just didn’t know that the person had been right by his side the whole time. I’m happy he noticed.”
“You’ve noticed the difference in him too?”I’d asked, wondering if it wasn’t just my observation.
“Absolutely I have. And I love it,”she’d declared.“He’s growing up, Cooper. Actually, he grew up, and you’re what he wants. I’m quite pleased with his choice, son.”
* * *
Mikey rolled over to face me, grumbling and stretching. I held my breath, hoping to not wake him because it was Sunday morning and he was off ofwork. He needed the rest.
His eyes popped open. “What?” he asked, smiling at me. “You’re staring at me again, Coop.”
“Can’t help it,” I admitted, moving under his arm when he invited me closer. “You’re so darn cute.”
