“I want to be with you. I know that for sure,” he admitted. “Why don’t we go to my room and talk?”
“Sure,” I responded, taking another glance toward my house.
Why was I so terrified of him suddenly? This was exactly what I wanted and he was offering himself up on a silver platter, but I felt unexpected fear.
Mikey turned and headed for his house, stopping on the front porch and glancing back at me.
I hadn’t moved an inch because I was frozen with anxiety.
He made his way back to the sidewalk. “You’re afraid, aren’t you?” he asked, reaching for my hand.
I nodded and gazed into his eyes. He seemed calm, even mature. Maybe that’s where my fear came from.
He seemed to recognize my anxiety. “Are you more afraid of me or of what happens next?”
“Maybe a little of both?” I answered.
“I see,” he said softly. “Wanna call it a night then?”
“I think I do,” I said. “I’m sorry, Mikey, but I’m confused by all of this. The kiss. Your news. Them,” I added, gesturing down the street in Jen and Hastings’ last position. “Going to your bedroom. You. Us.”
He squeezed my hand. “That’s a lot of worry, Coop, but I get it, and that’s totally fine with me. I understand you might need time and like I said, I totally get it.”
“You seem so calm about all this,” I said. “Such a big change and I guess I’m still in shock. You know, happy, but confused. All at the same time,” I said. “I probably sound like a baby.”
“You sound like Cooper to me,” he replied. “I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.”
I was stunned by his relaxed demeanor. Shouldn’t he be freaked out by being with me the way I wanted? The sudden shift had me worried because he even sounded different. He was calmer, cooler, and strangely wiser. I tilted my head and stared at him in amazement.
I pointed at him. “That. Right there, Mikey,” I said.
He looked behind him, letting go of my hand when he twisted around. After realizing what I must have meant, he turned back. “Am I doing something you don’t like?” he asked, shoving his hands back into his pockets.
“No, not exactly,” I said. “There’s just something unusual about the way you speak lately, and the words you choose. I can’t put my finger on it.”
Mikey seemed nervous. He went white for a second and appeared to beon edge. “You keep saying that, Coop. You’re acting like you don’t know me or something.”
“I can’t shake it,” I admitted. “There’s just something there. Not bad,” I quickly assured.
“What? You don’t like me now?”
“No, of course I do. You know I want to be with you, Mikey, but if you’re hiding something, you need to tell me.”
He threw his hands in the air and let them fall against his hips. “I’m not,” he whined, instantly sounding like himself again. “I just . . .”
He went silent and we stared at one another. The seconds felt like eons, glaciers could have formed during the uncomfortable hush, so I finished for him. “Lemme guess, youjustcan’t do this? Is that what you were gonna say?”
“No. That’s not it. I wouldn’t have said I could earlier. That’s not what this is about, Coop,” he began. “Yes, of course,maybeI am different.” Mikey moved his hands around wildly as he tried to articulate his thoughts. “This, us, everything, it’s all gonna be different.” He pointed to me and then back to himself, pressing his finger against his chest. “We’re different. Our love is different, so yes, naturally I want to be different.”
“Okay. I think I understand.”
“What the fuck is this, Coop? I’m really trying here, and I finally gave in to you and now you wanna give me shit about it?”
I hadn’t seen that comment coming. “Youfinallygave in to me?” I asked quietly.
His hands went to his face, most likely to hide his anger with me. “God!” he yelled. “That’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s what you said?” I replied. “It isexactlywhat you just said,” I repeated.
