Me:Do you like him that way?
I noticed a time gap after the last text I’d sent. About three minutes passed before he responded to the question. Why was Coop hesitating?
Coop:Maybe. He’s nice enough. Cute too I guess.
Me:We could have a double date.
Coop:Yeah, maybe.
Me:I say you tell him yes. It’ll be fun.
Coop:I suppose. Maybe.
After that day’s messages, Cooper’s texts were shorter in length and heshifted the conversation to us not spending as much time together lately.“He missed me,”he’d said. It was clear that Cooper hadn’t wanted to go to the dance with Hastings even back then. Perhaps I was reading into things, but from the gist of his texts he was either seeking my permission or wanted me to talk him out of it.
I distinctly remembered that time during our senior year. I hadn’t liked Hastings back then. I’d listened to Coop as he’d told me about how Hastings wasn’t gay but still wanted down-low head and I’d found him to be a creepy fucker. But in this version of history, Hastings was gay and seemed like a typical teenaged boy who was genuinely pursuing Coop.
“You’re interfering, Mike,” I whispered.
Reality dawned on me in an instant. Even in this universe I couldn’t expect Cooper to be on the same agenda as me. I shouldn’t have rushed to announce that I was in love with him either. The timing was too soon and had not been set up properly. I shouldn’t have kissed him before understanding what was happening in this version of our lives. I was twenty-seven, he was only seventeen. Even though we were both seventeen in this universe, it felt odd. As much as I wanted Cooper, wouldn’t I be influencing his choices based on my past with him? What if we weren’t meant to be together?
Unfortunately, he hadn’t lived an additional decade, or even another few months to make a choice about us. But I’d known how he actually felt about me because of the letter he’d left on my desk the day he died. No confessions have been written in this universe yet because I jumped ahead. Perhaps there never will be. My arrival felt completely unfair.
Suddenly I was unsure of the correct course to take. Future Mom had said I should prevent Cooper’s drowning in this parallel universe, thus changing the trajectory of our future and giving me a chance to tell him how I felt. Declaring my love right away should alter things, shouldn’t it? I was learning that the reality of this world wasalmostthe same, proving that unfolding events that appeared parallelwere not necessarilyidentical.
I had a major decision to make. I understood that my approach had to be different. How was I supposed to rectify what I’ve done? How could I win Coop’s love and not use knowledge for advantage? And truthfully, didI have an advantage or were we on equal footing because I was emotionally immature where he was concerned?
This wouldn’t be easy. But was anything worth having ever easy?
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE: Cooper
Iremained in the car after my mother pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store where Mikey worked. I immediately noticed him running groceries to a customer’s car. He hadn’t spotted me.
“Didn’t Mike miss school today?” Mom asked when she recognized him pushing an empty cart back to the store.
“Yeah, he did,” I mumbled, scooting lower in my seat. I hated feeling so anxious seeing him. This was how it would go from now on. He hadn’t called or texted and I hadn’t either, which has never happened between us.
“Coming in?” she asked.
“I’d rather not.”
“What’s going on? Do we need to talk about the two of you?” Mom asked, sniffing out drama better than a hound chasing a coon ever could. “Does this have something to do with this morning’s chat?”
“I’d rather not do that either, Mom, if that’s okay?”
“What did you say to Mike?” she asked.
“God, Mom! Why do you assume it’s me?” I asked, resenting that she always took Mikey’s side.
“Because Mike is much more laid back than you, Cooper. And you were acting funny this morning,” she stated. “Are you pressuring him, honey?”
“Pressuring him to do what?”
“You seemed confused about whether you were or weren’t going to prom, and then asked me about people changing their minds and other things,” she began. “Did you overstep boundaries with Mike?”
“Oh, I see,” I said, raising my voice in anger. “I overstepped. It’d have tobe me because Mikey would never do such a thing.”
“Well?”
