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Lordy. I can feel my cheeks getting redder by the minute. “You are naughty,” I tell him, shaking my head at him. He is so damn playful and hot, but I’m starting to love it.
“Come to my place after your non-date then,” he offers. “I’ll be there, just drawing probably. I’ll show you all my artwork. I have books of it. And we can eat the cookies and brownies that my Gram sent me home with.”
I really need to get back to my dinner, or Tim is going to think I left him here. “Lukas, no. I am going directly home after this dinner, and I will see you at our appointment. I told you I would consider having dinner with you, since you are being so crazy persistent, although I cannot for the life of me figure out why.”
“Because I feel like we’re meant to be together. That’s why.” He shrugs. “Laugh all you want. I don’t care. I felt it the first day I saw you, and I don’t fucking get it either, but you’re like a fucking magnet. I just keep getting pulled back to you. Even when I’m not around you, I can’t get my mind off you. And when I am with you? All I want to do is get closer to you.”
I want to tell him he’s crazy, but I can’t, because I feel the same way. So maybe we’re both crazy. Whatever it is, it’s scaring the hell out of me.
“I really have to go,” I whisper, looking up into his eyes. “And I’m not laughing at all.”
Once again, as I walk away from him, that familiar ache from leaving him comes back.
“I was just about to come look for you,” Tim says when I return. “Is everything okay?”
I sit down and drink some of my wine. “I’m so sorry. My daughter was having some drama that I had to straighten out.”
“I think your food is cold. Do you want me to flag the waitress and get it warmed up?”
I shake my head and pick up my fork. “No, it’s totally fine. I’m so sorry I was gone for so long.”
He smiles across the table. “You can make it up to me.”
My insides cringe. There are not enough ‘nos’ to describe how much that will not be happening.
I force myself to eat. Time drags as we order coffee and dessert, while Tim tells me about his new flat screen television, which he seems way too excited about.
Just as our dessert comes, I look across the room toward the bar to see Lukas saying good-bye to his friends. He looks back at me, does his little wave, and then leaves. Alone.
“You seem distracted,” Tim says.
“No, it’s just a little noisy here. It’s hard to focus,” I reply, but I’m pretty sure he’s noticed me looking over at Lukas several times. Did he really tell me that he thinks about me all the time, or did my crazy brain dream that up?
When we leave the restaurant, Tim asks me if I want to go back to his place, which I wasn’t expecting at all and definitely have no interest in doing.
“No, thank you. I really should get home.”
He looks at me across the dimly lit car like I’m crazy. “It’s not even ten yet. Why do you have to go home?”
“My daughter is home alone. I don’t like to leave her alone at night.”
“She’s seventeen. I think she can manage for a few more hours. Or until the morning.”
“Tim . . . I don’t think I can do that. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t think I’d be taking you out to dinner and then taking you home right after.”
“Really?” I say, annoyed. “How many times have I said over the past few weeks that I wasn’t interested in dating yet? I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready for anything more. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”
He takes his eyes off the road long enough to frown at me. “I figured when you finally said yes that it meant you changed your mind.” He reaches across the car and puts his hand on my leg. On my thigh!
I want to jump out of the car and just get away from him. “No, Tim, I’m sorry. I was just trying to be nice. I thought we could have dinner as friends.”
“Well, yeah . . . but usually there’s a little bit more than that. You know, friends with benefits? You really have no idea what goes on in the real dating world, do you?”
I refrain from telling him to go fuck himself in the real dating world, because no matter what, we still work together and I am still the HR Manager, regardless of my bad decision to have dinner with him, and I’m not going to sink to his level. If the dating world consists of sleeping with people on the first date just for the hell off it, then I want nothing to do with it.
We don’t speak at all until he parks in my driveway, where I thank him for dinner and get out of his car, slamming the door behind me.
“Mom, what are you doing home so early?” Macy asks when I walk through the front door. She and Shelly are lounged on the couch eating popcorn, engrossed in the television.
“It was just a quick dinner with someone I work with. Can I get you two anything?”
They both shake their heads simultaneously. “Okay.” I take off my coat and hang it in the hall closet. “I’ll be upstairs. Enjoy your vampire marathon.”
After a hot shower, I curl up in bed and put a romantic comedy on, realizing that Tommy didn’t call me to say goodnight. I hope that means he’s having a good time with his father, but I also feel a little bit forgotten about. I hate this separation of my family, but it looks like I’m going to have to get used to it.
At midnight, my phone beeps on the bed next to me. Picking it up, I swipe my finger across the screen, squinting at the glare in the darkness of the room. It’s a text from Lukas. I recognize his number now and quickly save it in my contacts.
Lukas: Hey
Me: It’s midnight
Lukas: And? You gonna turn into a pumpkin? ;-)
A smile spreads across my face as I type back.
Me: Very funny :)
Lukas: I wanted to make sure you got home okay. Your date looked like he was either going to bore you to death or grope you on the way home.
Me: Yes to both, but I survived. I came home and went right to bed. Exciting, huh?
Lukas: Same here. Came home, been sitting in bed drawing.
Me: What did you draw?
A few minutes go by, and just as I think he’s fallen asleep, I receive a picture message of a colored pencil drawing of a beautiful girl with long brown hair, her hair blowing to the side and fading into a butterfly wing. It’s breathtaking. The colors are gorgeous, and even viewing it on my tiny phone screen, I can see the details are incredible.
Me: Wow. It’s beautiful. Your talent is beyond words.
Lukas: It’s for you
Me: Really?
Lukas: Yes. I’ll give it to you when I see you at your appointment.
Me: Thank you. I love it.
Lukas: So he groped you?
Awww. Is he actually jealous?
Me: He put his hand on my leg and kinda hinted that he was hoping for more since he bought me dinner.
Lukas: WTF! This is why chicks don’t trust guys. Dinner isn’t exactly a trade off for a blowjob. Not in my book, anyway.
Me: I agree, and this is why I don’t feel comfortable dating. I haven’t dated since high school. That was a long time ago, and things are definitely different.
Lukas: You can trust me, Ivy. You know that, right?
I stare at the phone and his tiny words in the green bubble. Yes, I do believe that he would not rush or hurt me. Even though he’s persistent, he knows when to stop, and he doesn’t get mad or make me feel like there is something wrong with me. That’s what I need right now.
Me: I trust you as much as I can right now.
Lukas: Well, that’s a start. ;-)
Me: I wasn’t exactly expecting all this with you. I just wanted a tattoo. :/
Lukas: You got the bonus plan. And I wasn’t expecting this either.
That shaky feeling comes over me again as I read his words.
Lukas: I felt like someone punched me when I saw you with that guy. Truth.
Funny. That’s exactly how I felt when I saw that beautiful girl wit
h him.
Me: I don’t know what to say. I’m confused by all of this.
Lukas: I am too.
The keyboard beckons me to type something, but I’m at a loss. I feel so much but have no idea how to say it, or if I even should. I feel like I’m playing with fire here, letting him in. The last thing I want to do is lead him on or get myself into something else I can’t deal with, like the mess I created with Tim and dinner.
Lukas: I know the age thing bugs you. I know you’re used to being with guys with short hair and no piercings who have swanky office jobs. I know I’m not what you would ever look for or want.
My throat tightens. It’s true . . . but he is so much more than that. Slowly, I’m seeing that. He’s special. Unique.
My phone buzzes again.
