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"It is." I wonder if he's mad at me for watching him and for not touching him. "Are you starting to get sick of me?" I ask him.
"Sick of you? We've been together less than a month. If I'm sick of you already, then we're gonna have some serious problems."
"So, is that a no, then?"
"That's a no, then. I'm not sick of you. I wish I understood you, but I'm not sick of you."
"I'm sorry. I know I can be difficult."
He sighs. "It's okay. I'm no walk in the park either. I told you I'd be patient with you, so I'm trying to be."
"Thank you."
We lie in the darkness, listening to each other breathing. This is our third night sleeping in our new house together, and I'm still not quite used to it. It still has that hotel-ish feeling to me.
I wait for his foot to touch mine, like he does every night when he's ready to fall asleep. But he hasn't curled his foot up against mine yet, which means he's still thinking, just like I am.
I turn on my side to face him. Even though the bed is huge, I'm glad that we sleep toward the middle and not at the far edges, away from each other.
"Are you awake?" I whisper.
"No."
"Who were you thinking about?" I know it's not my business, but I can't get this question out of my head now. I know he'll tell me the truth because that's just how he is.
"Who, when?"
"In the shower."
He turns on his side to look at me, and I'm glad the only light in the room is the bluish moonlight seeping through the curtains, preventing him from seeing my expression.
"You want to know who I was thinking about while I was jerking off?" He poses the question softly and seriously, with no trace of his usual teasing or sarcasm.
"Yes."
"And you're sure you really want to know?"
Hello, my name is Asia, and I love to torture myself. I also enjoy probing into other people's sexual fantasies and long walks on the beach.
"Yes," I say with a shaky voice.
"You're not going to like it."
"Okay…" A lump forms in my throat as a visual of him with a lustful blond writhing around seeps into my mind.
"You."
"Me?" I squeak. Did he just say me? As in me?
"You."
"Me? Really?"
"Yes. I was test-driving you in my head."
"What?" My voice pitches up. "Test-driving me?"
He laughs and puts his hand on my waist. "Yeah."
"I have no idea what to say."
"Don't you want to know how you were? In my head?"
God, this man is going to drive me up the wall and across the ceiling. He knows exactly how to get under my skin and get me all riled up physically, as well as emotionally.
"Well…yeah. I guess I do," I reply, fluffing my pillow under my head and pretending not to care how my test-drive went.
"You were sheer perfection," he says wistfully. "You know the vanity in the bathroom?"
I nod a little. "Yes. We're not on a first name basis, but we've met."
"Shut up, smartass." He squeezes my waist a little tighter. "I had you bent over it, because I can't wait to have you that way, with your sexy little ass pointed up at me while I pound into you, and I can grab your hair and make you look at me in the mirror so I can watch those crazy gorgeous eyes of yours while I fuck myself so far into you that you'll never feel right again unless I'm in you."
Whoa. Dude.
Level-ten crazy, mind-bending, vag-drenching, heart-stopping declaration of sexual proportions.
"Um…" No other words come out of my mouth.
"The longer you wait, jelly bean, the more time you're giving me to dream up things to do to you." He lifts his hand from my waist and brushes it across my cheek. "You okay in there?"
"Mm…hmm."
"You sure?" He glides his thumb over my bottom lip, then slowly pushes it between my lips, into the warmth of my mouth. As if in a trance, I suck his thumb into my mouth and gently bite it, the feel of his flesh between my teeth only further igniting the storm of passion already brewing inside me.
He kisses my lips with his thumb still in my mouth, and it feels so incredibly erotic to me, his lips on mine and also on his own finger.
"I like the way that feels," he breathes. "Someday I want your teeth on my cock like that."
I lock my eyes on to his as I suck his thumb and bite it a little harder, wondering if he still thinks I'm too cute to fuck, and maybe that's why he wants to do me from behind—so he doesn't have to see my face.
"There ya go, baby. Bite me, suck me, kiss me, scratch me. Whatever you gotta do to get us right in your head, I'm game."
I wish I could get us right in my head, but his mixed signals are giving me whiplash of the brain. His insults about my looks shattered my already nonexistent ego, and his random acts of sweetness and sensuality just add to my confusion.
I pull my mouth off his thumb before I devour it and move on to his other body parts, which probably wouldn’t be good right now.
"I wish you would just let us happen," he says, shaking his head. "You must feel the chemistry between us, right? Or is it just me?"
"I do. I just don't trust it yet."
He finds my hand in the dark, under the covers, and places my palm on his naked chest, right over his heart.
"Do you feel that, Asia? My heart pounding?"
"Yes."
"That's real. A hard-on is one thing, but to have my heart practically pounding right out of my fucking chest, is totally new for me. I don't know if I should be calling 9-1-1, hugging you, or trying to fuck you."
"Talon…"
"My head is kinda wacked over all of this, too."
"I can see that." I press my cheek against his chest, then brush my lips across his inked flesh. "We're gonna be okay," I say, wrapping my arm around his waist.
He pulls me closer to him and circles his arm around me. "I haven't jerked off in years," he mutters.
"Well, I guess it's like riding a bike. You seemed to be doing okay with it."
"Very funny."
"I'm just trying to make you smile. I don't like seeing you so torn up and confused."
His lips press against the top of my head. "I don't like seeing you upset and having walls up."
"I do like when you hold me like this," I say softly.
"Me too. I just want to feel like you're mine, ya know? Not like I'm renting you for a few months."
"That scares me too—that at the end of this, you'll leave."
"Asia, look around. I bought us this beautiful house, I got you a car, I'm not drinking, I let the rodent sleep on the bed, and I'm having sex with my hand. I'm doing everything I can to show you I'm serious about this."
"I know that, and I appreciate every single thing. I really do. I'm serious about this, too. I can't buy us expensive things, but I'm completely committed to you and us and making this work. I just need a little time to feel comfortable with the sex part, because that's big to me. For me, it's not solely physical; it's giving a huge part of myself, and I guess I'm a little guarded because of your past and the things you've said to me."
"I get it. I do. Like I said, when you're ready, you let me know. I'm not gonna stop trying, though. In case you haven't noticed, I kinda enjoy it."
"I noticed. And I kinda like it."
