Except it would be a lie. He said it himself: He doesn’t know who he is without Zeus. Wishing for a different way doesn’t mean he’ll actually put our words into action should the opportunity present itself. Even if we found and eliminated Circe today, his wishes would shift as soon as our enemy stopped looming large. As soon as it became easy to settle into what passes for normalcy in this city.
I don’t know what hurts more about that future—losing him…or knowing I never had him to begin with.
So I don’t tell him I’m pregnant. I just lean down and press a light kiss to his lips. “I don’t know.” It’s the most honest answer I can give. I have no idea if there’s hope for us. I don’t think there is, but enough of me wants it that I can’t shoot him down.
He strokes my hips as I straighten. “That’s not ano.”
My throat tightens and my eyes burn. Damn hormones. It’s the only reason I’m fighting not to cry right now like some kind of sap. “It’s not ano.”
“I’ve given you great freedom since we were married. I knew you hated me, and that your feelings were unlikely to change.” He sits up suddenly, bringing us chest to chest. “Tonight, you’ve given me hope, Callisto. Because I want you as my wife in truth, and ifthere’s even a sliver of a possibility you’ll agree to that, I’ll fight until I have nothing left to bring it into reality.”
Shock stills me and eliminates my ability to speak.Thisman is one I’ve only gotten a glimpse of, the one who shows up more and more as things go off the rails. This is not the ice king with a barrier around him to rival the one that used to surround Olympus, keeping me at a distance. I was grateful for the distance before. I’m not now.
I am well and truly fucked. “I hate you.”
He strokes his hands up my back to grip the nape of my neck. “Say it again. Try to sound like you mean it this time.”
Heat surges through me. Now’s the time to shove away. Dawn is barely a hint in the sky visible through our windows, but there’s so much to do and so many people depending on us. We can’t afford to spend any more time in bed. I can’t afford not to hate my husband.
Even knowing that, I lean in and speak my next words directly against his lips. “I hate you…most of the time.”
He smiles slowly. “I don’t believe you.”
I kiss him. There’s no other option to wipe the smug look off his face. Then my hands are in his hair and, fuck it, the world will go on spinning for another hour while we find what pleasure we can in each other.
While we find…comfort.
Interlude III
Hermes
“There’s no sign of her.”
I swallow down a sigh. I’m so bloody tired, I can barely see straight. I’m in the best shape of my life, but even someone of my unparalleled athleticism needs to sleep and rest occasionally. Rest has been in short supply lately. “Things are going a little better on my end. Hades isn’t going to work with the rest of them. I made sure of it.”
Atalanta hums a little under her breath. “Athena is furious Circe keeps evading us. Even I’m starting to get irritated. No one can be that good.”
Circe is. She always was. Even when we were kids, her mind and ambition were fearsome things. As we grew up, those traits were refined by a life lived hard. She became ruthless. Unstoppable.
But I can’t say as much to Atalanta. She’s already giving me worried looks when I speak with a little too much enthusiasm about Circe. Atalanta is a good woman, the best woman, but even with the struggles she’s faced, she was born into a life of privilege. Shemight believe the system needs to shatter in order to be rebuilt, but she doesn’t possess the deep desperation constantly clawing at my insides. “She’s in the countryside. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“Poseidon did mention the possibility to both Demeter and Zeus. He’s worried she’ll come in through the mountains. It’s a quick hike to the civilian camp from the foothills, but there have been no reports suggesting strange activity in the area. Though I don’t know what would qualify as strange with the majority of the Olympian population there.”
“I know.” I rub my eyes. They feel so heavy. Everything feels so heavy. Damn it, I’m not going to get away without sleeping another night. “I’m going to crash for a few hours and see if things are clearer when I’ve got fewer cobwebs taking up space in my head.”
“You can use my place if you want.” The offer is a study in casualness. A step toward our path to somethingmore. To spend my vulnerable time sleeping wrapped up in the fantasy of her, of what it would be like if it wasourplace and not just her place. It’s absurd that I haven’t even kissed Atalanta yet and I’m practically picking out wedding rings, but I live for the absurd. And what I feel for herisn’t. It’s soft and sweet with just enough hard edge to make things interesting.
And I can’t have it. Not until we accomplish what we set out to do. Grabbing at a happy future too soon is a good way to end up pacified and making excuses to keep the status quo. We’re so close. We can’t afford to slip. “Next time.”
Her voice betrays no hurt. “Next time. Get some sleep, Hermes.”
“Never fear, darling. I’m the best sleeper to ever sleep.” I keepthe injected cheer in my voice until I hang up. Then I let my smile fall. I want what Atalanta’s offering with a desperation that borders on frenzy. She’s so damn interesting and intelligent and capable, and she smells so sweet. Sometimes I catch myself fantasizing about finding out if she tastes just as sweet as she smells.
Not tonight.
Not until this is over.
I fully intend to spend the night in one of the safe houses I have scattered about the city, but when I look up, I realize my feet have made a different decision for me. Blasted feet. I stand in front of the iron gate that leads into the first property I ever purchased after I became Hermes and got access to a truly spectacular amount of knowledge and wealth. I spent the next year getting it exactly perfect, recreating something that only existed in my mind—inourminds. A romantic little house surrounded by greenery.
