“But you have to let me explain?—”
“Everett,” she interrupts, whipping around to finally face me. She has a hand cut across the space between us, her stance concise and unbending. “Look, I’ve been thinking, and maybe this is for the best. You’re leaving for college in a few months. There’s no way this would’ve worked.”
Confusion starts to edge its way into every nerve ending in my body. My jaw twitches with the effort to not argue with Teeny, and my face transitions into a full scowl at her assumption. How could she think this? And how long has she thought this? This whole time, while I’ve been planning visits back to San Diego during long weekends and holidays in the fall, plotting the quickest route from Sacramento to her, and even looking up flights so we could make the most of my short visits, was she already thinking about ending things?
“Teeny, how could you think that?” I try to keep my voice calm and collected, wanting to make sure I stay as levelheaded as possible so we can figure out a way for me to stay, but I’m buzzing with the urgency and desperation to fix things. My chest feels like it’s being compressed, making it hard to breathe, and my hands start to feel numb and clammy.
“You’re going to have your own life up there, and you don’t need an annoying girlfriend hundreds of miles away, calling you all the time and wondering where the hell you are.”
“You know it’s not like that.” I focus on Teeny’s eyes. Dark pits of chocolate with golden whiskey rings, and layers and layers of different shades. Mocha, chestnut, bronze, sepia. Even with the sadness and hurt cloaking them, they somehow ground me. Right here, between our homes and in her arms. I can’t lose her.
Her lips purse and her chin trembles, evidence that she’s holding back her tears. “I don’t know if I can trust you.”
“What are you talking about? Of course you can trust me.”
She responds with silence, creating a barrier between us by crossing her arms.
Not knowing what else to say to convince her, I tell her, “I’m still me.”
“Are you?”
“Of course,” I plead, stooping down to meet her at eye level. “I still love you. I still want us to be together. I still want to make this work after I leave.”
“I don’t know if I want that anymore.”
“Are you serious?” Everything evaporates. All of the plans I laid down for us, me staying here and finishing school so I can be near her, all of it revolving around my life with her. It disappears into thin air. She wants nothing to do with me.
Her lips pucker as she exhales a shaky breath. “I can’t be here wondering if you’re going to be hooking up with girls, going to parties, and getting drunk. I can’t—I wouldn’t be able to stand it if you…”
“I’d never hurt you.”
“But you did.”
“Teeny, it was a mistake,” I tell her.
“And how many more mistakes are there going to be before we realize it isn’t going to work?”
“So this is what you want?”
Everything about her body says yes. Her squared shoulders, her arms still braced over her chest, the firm line her lips are set in. But not her eyes. They tell a different story.Fight for me, they say. “Don’t you think it’s for the best?” she finally responds with a shrug, letting that uncertainty ring higher.
“No,” I tell her. “No, I don’t.”
That speck of hope that glinted in her eyes begins to waver. They start to well with tears, and a moment passes where she considers it. My plea, my regret, my guilt and remorse. Her face softens as if she’s going to break, letting me have that chance that I want with every fiber of my being.
But then it fades, the stone-like restraint reminding her of the night she had.
“Everett,” she whispers. She closes her eyes, and a tear slips down her cheek. “I don’t want to make this any harder than it needs to be. Please, just give me some space. Let me get over you and move on.”
I stay quiet, letting her words echo and ring in the air. I watch as she turns away and walks inside, never looking back at me once.
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Teeny
NOW
James saidI could leave Sadie with him. She could stay for dinner, watch a movie, keep Sophia entertained while he and Kendall set about their bedtime routine. He even offered to let her stay the night if I needed to. Just so I could get a moment alone with Everett.
