* * *
In an attempt to stay busy rather than moping around the house without Sadie home, I spend my Sunday evening with an easy, unintentional drive to my parents’ house. It’s not out of the ordinary for us kids to come over for dinner. Andrew, being the only single member of the family, is usually the most frequent flier with the free food and Tupperware containers of leftovers he takes with him in heaps. So when I arrive, I’m not surprised to see Andrew answer the door.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” He peers over my shoulder, most likely looking for my husband and daughter. “No Leo or Sadie?”
“Sadie’s at camp, and Leo is…busy.”
He nods, not caring further than my explanation, and I enter the house. I find my mom in the living room, surrounded by piles of baby blue and beige in silk and hemp. “What is this?” I ask.
She looks up at me, smoothing her hand over the delicate material resting on her lap. “I had myhanbokat the tailor to fix some of the loose hems, and I just picked it up.” She urges me to sit in the empty spot next to her, letting me stroke a hand over the dress. “It’s beautiful, no?”
My heart melts as she watches me take in the beauty of the dress. “It is.” Flash images of my mom wearing the same traditional Korean garb to my wedding floods my mind. She was there, moving around gracefully as she shined as the mother of the bride, smiling proudly at me and Leo.
She holds it up, admiring it as if she hasn’t had this dress carefully stored in her closet for the last few decades. “Why don’t you try it on?”
“It’s yours,” I oppose.
“So,” she urges. “Come on. The last time I saw you in one of these was when you were a baby.”
I give in, unable to say no to her hopeful smile. I slip on the dress, putting on the layers with my mom’s instructions and tying the bow at my chest with more of my mom’s help. It’s like I’m a child again, having her dress me with her gentle guidance and shining eyes taking me in. Before I know it, my dad’s brought out the full-length mirror from their room and the three of us are looking at the reflection. It’s like no time has passed. I’m that little toddler, proud to be standing between my parents while they beam at me with pride.
“It’s really beautiful, Mom.”
She rests her hands on my shoulders. “You know, the first time I wore this was to your wedding.”
“Really?”
She nods.
“I thought you had this before.”
“I bought this for your wedding, and then I wore it to James’s wedding, and now I’m going to wear it to Josh’s.”
“And hopefully Andrew’s if he gets his head out of his ass anytime soon,” my dad adds dryly.
“How did I get roped into this conversation?” Andrew calls from his spot on the couch, the remote held loosely in his hand and his ankle draped on his knee.
“And maybe one day,” my mom continues, ignoring my dad and my brother’s harmless banter, “you’ll wear one just like this to Sadie’s wedding.”
I laugh endearingly. To think that I could one day be the mother of the bride, just like my mom was, walking down the aisle with my dad to give me away to the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with.
I realize how different the circumstances would be. Leo and I wouldn’t be married any longer. He might even have a new wife, waiting in the aisles for Leo to give Sadie away while I slump back into my seat without a partner to hold my hand or slip me a tissue when I start crying. And then I start to think of all the things we’ll have to do as a divorced couple. Handle Sadie’s birthday parties and school dances, graduation, sending her off to college. Leo and I wouldn’t be holding each other, consoling the other through shared tears and assurances that our baby girl is now an independent adult.
I shove those thoughts away, worried I may blubber into a puddle of tears right into my mom’s freshly pressed dress. I remove the dress as my mom starts prattling off the various meats my dad needs to pull out of his decades-old smoker in the backyard. Andrew joins him, hoping to get the first taste of his brisket outside by the pool.
“Have you gotten your bridesmaid dress?” my mom asks me, taking the garment bag I carefully placed all the fragile material in.
“Not yet,” I tell her. “But I ordered it, and it should be ready in a week or two.”
She nods and walks off to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. I follow her footsteps, ready to help her with whatever she needs. “I saw Mina’s wedding dress,” she tells me. “It looks so beautiful. Josh is going to love it.”
She’s preoccupied, focused on cleaning off some vegetables before she starts chopping away at them on the cutting board.
“Leo has to rent a tux, no? Unless he has one?—”
“Leo isn’t going to be there,” I blurt out.
