He watches me, pressing his index and middle fingers against my lips. He pushes further, prying my mouth open, and I feel the smooth pads of his fingers grate against my tongue. My mouth responds with a loud pop as soon as he withdraws his fingers, and I feel them between us.
“You are so goddamn beautiful like this,” I hear him whisper while his fingers stroke and tease. He fists my hair with his free hand and wraps it loosely around his palm, tugging it back to angle my jaw to the ceiling of the car. My hips start to move in circles and the back of Everett’s head hits the headrest. “Ohhh, fuck. You’re driving me insane.”
“Just keep touching me,” I demand. “And don’t st-stop. Whatever you do, do—don’t stop moving.”
He continues his rhythm, those thrusts moving in and out with a steadiness I’m finding fascinating. My breaths start to come out in shallow gasps, just as my body begins to tense and seize. Those pants that were leaving my lips in desperate gulps of air become loud, turning into aching cries. I cry out his name, some line of curses I can’t even remember, and even a prayer to a higher being as I fall apart right on Everett’s lap. Even inside his car, I know it’s getting loud, to the point that if someone overheard, we wouldn’t be able to disguise what we’re doing. Everett’s hand clamps over my mouth and my cries turn into screams. Screams that scrape against my throat, creating a deliciously satiating sting.
My body starts to relax as I come down from my high, and Everett scoops his palms right behind me and lifts off the seat. He dizzies me in an agile pivot, and I’m suddenly on my back, Everett hovering over me in the small space of his back seat. My knees fall open, welcoming this new position, and Everett picks up his pace.
“You’re amazing,” he growls, his focus on maintaining a steady tempo that feels delectable and wicked. “And you’re so fucking beautiful.” He ends his sentence with a harsh kiss, smashing his lips to mine. His hips start to meet mine, thrust to thrust. I hear a rhythmic grunt rattle Everett’s chest, matching the beats to the racy slaps of my skin against his. The indecency of our movements, the sheen of sweat lining our foreheads, the recklessness and desperation of our fucking has a crescendo effect, making it build.
It was never like this between us. We’d always find ways to make our lovemaking sweet and wholesome and tender. But this…it’s rousing, injecting electricity straight into my veins. All these years, I’ve been missing out on this kind of sex. This kind of compulsive, addictive sex.
“You gonna let me come inside you?” he asks, a dark and lustful gaze filling his eyes. It hardly sounds like a question, but more like a threat. And if I said no, there’d be consequences.
“Yes,” I answer, my voice breathless. “Please.”
His hand moves above me, bracing himself against the window. It gives him the leverage he needs as I start to feel his movements become frantic and wild. My moans mingle with all the sounds inside Everett’s car. My bare skin against the leather seat, our choppy breaths that blend the fine line between a gasp and a shriek, the lewdness of the squelching noises we’re creating with the in and out motion of his thrusts.
“Fuck!” Everett groans noisily, pressing his forehead into the crook where my shoulder and neck meet, rattling everything from the inside out. I don’t care anymore that anyone outside can hear us. All reason and sense leave my body, and what remains is this desperation clinging to my body that I want more.
But then our bodies come down from the high. Like a deflating balloon, and I realize how we acted completely on carnal urges. It was all about our bodies craving something our hearts told us we’d already had enough of. We became glutinous and caved.
I push him off me, searching for my underwear and shorts. I quietly put them back on, the mess already growing slick against my thighs. I watch Everett do the same, tucking himself away and zipping up his pants.
I reach for the door, but Everett stops me. “Teeny.”
“I should go,” I tell him, my eyes on the handle.
“Teeny, look at me.”
I do, and my chin trembles. “I’m sorry, Everett.”
“You have nothing to be?—”
“I’m so fucked up,” I interrupt, my voice shaky and scared. “This is all so fucked up, and I wish things weren’t the way they were.”
“I love you, Teeny.”
My face twists, and it feels like a dagger shot straight through my chest.
“I never stopped loving you,” he adds. “You are, without a single doubt, the love of my life. It’s always and only been you.”
“Don’t tell me that.”
“Why?”
“Because…” I look at him, my eyes glassy and sad. “It’s too late.”
CHAPTERTWENTY
Everett
THEN
Basketball season came and went,which helped ease my thoughts into a calmer, lighter state without the constant motion of practices and games and celebratory parties. I made my trip back up north to tour UC Davis, walking through my future school with a lingering edge I couldn’t place. I’m not sure if it’s the thought of being in another new place in another new school with an entirely different student body or if it’s because this time, I’m actually going to miss the place I leave. It feels like time and senior year and all the important milestones around me are happening while I just stand here, watching it fly by.
When I sent out college applications, I had a plan. My year in San Diego was meant to be temporary. But now that I’ve settled in, the last thing I want is for all of this to be temporary. I’ve been considering my options. What about a transfer? Somewhere closer to San Diego. Or maybe even a year off? Then Teeny and I can start college together, maybe at the same school? But then what would my parents say? My dad was so proud when I’d gotten into UC Davis, and my mom. She wouldn’t take the news well.
