I know I’m too cynical when it comes to people, but I wish he’d ask more questions instead of rushing into relationship after relationship. Cam sees the good in everyone, especially if they have soft lips, breasts, and thick thighs.
Once Cam is in so-called love, he moves so fast, but it never lasts long for one reason or another. While it’s definitely his fault, I also blame his childhood. Cam is the only child of his abusive father and late mother who loved pills way more than she ever loved her own child. I know it’s why he seeks out validation. I get it, but he always finds it in the worst possible places.
Then he ends up here, in pieces, waiting for me to glue them back together.
While this heartbreak with Siena is new, this routine of ours is not. Cam always finds his way back to me.
First, in elementary school, in my twin bed after his father hurt him.
Then in my full-sized bed in high school when his mother died.
Then in my queen-sized one in college when his first serious girlfriend dumped him.
Camden always runs to me whenever he needs someone, and I both love it and hate it because while I will always, always, always be here for him, he can never be there for me in the ways I want. “Is it more strawberry than banana?”
“Yes,” he says softly with a tiny sliver of a smile. “Thank you, Bobo.” He sniffles again. My heart hurts. It’s always my job to comfort him in the ways I can, and not in the ways I want.
Cam met Siena about six months ago when he’d gone into the grocery store because he wanted me to make him kimchi nachos and came out with her number instead of napa cabbage. When I met her, I chalked the bad feelings up to jealousy, because yes, I was very fucking jealous. That’s nothing new for me, though. Then I realized . . . yes, I am jealous, but also, she’s terrible.
Two things can be true.
Cam sets his drink down then collapses forward with his head in his hands. I want to throw my arms around him. But boundaries. For me and for him.
There’s nothing I want more than to touch him and comfort him, but I hold off. It’s my own fault. Every time he does this, I let myself pretend thatnow is my shot.I’ve tried so hard lately to stop deluding myself. My best friend is straight. He likes women. Beautiful, gorgeous, voluptuous women.
There are times, though, when Cam will be over, and we play games or watch the latest anime he’s obsessed over, and he’ll lean into me. Sometimes he’ll sleep with my arms wrapped around him. It’s sick, and I have to let myself stop thinking he could ever feel the same. With this girlfriend I texted him less. I avoided visiting them at home. I tried to put a wall between us.
All for me to knock that wall down at the first chance.
This doesn’t even matter right now. He’s my friend. He needs a friend. I am his best friend. Heart beating way too damn fast, I say fuck it, and loop my arm around his waist and pull him against me. His large body slumps against mine. “I don’t get it, Bo.” He sniffs. “Everything was great. How did I miss this?”
I don’t know what to say. “You move too fast.” He gets up, scrunching his dark brows at me. “You do. You shouldn’t have moved in with her so fast.” She was always rude to me, but I don’t want to tell him that. He was too happy, and I want him happy. At the end of the day that’s all I want. He deserves that. “I didn’t like her, Cam.”
He wrenches from my arms, and I miss the warmth instantly. “What?”
“She just . . . I don’t know. It was a vibe.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Because you never listen to me!“Because you were happy and I thought maybe it was just me being protective. She made you pay for everything, though, and I didn’t like that. You’d both just started dating, but when you moved in you started paying all the rent yourself.”
“She helped too.”
“With what?” Cam’s slow grin makes me gag as a soft blush hits his face. “Sex doesn’t count, you pig.” I push him and drink in the first laugh he’s given me tonight.
“Nothing like that, you perv.” He smiles. “She helped around the apartment.”
“No, she paid someone to clean the apartment. With your money, I’m guessing. That’s not the same thing.”
“I didn’t mind, though. It was fine.”
I tug him back to me, giving in and running my fingers through his soft hair. A smile grows on his handsome face. “You’re a menace, you know that?”
“I know.” He kisses the side of my head. “Thank you.”
“You know you’re the problem too, right?” His eyes blink open just as they’re about to close and he leans into me. “You’re too sweet and trusting. People eat that shit up.”
“Not you.” He laughs, sitting up now. “You don’t let me get away with anything.”
