“No, he’s um, he’s here for someone else.” I’m going to be sick. This is too mean. Too unfair. “This is my best friend Bowen.”
The man leans against my side of the booth with a wicked grin, holding out his hand to me. “Hello, Bowen. I’m Max.” I take it. Soft strong hands. Soft strong hands that are going to be wrapped around my best friend’s cock most likely. “I seriously don’t mind if you want to come too.”
“I said he’s here to meet someone.” Annoyance flickers in Cam’s eyes. It’s brief but I catch it. Of course he doesn’t wantme there. Why would he when he can have this sculpture carved from the fucking gods all to himself? Stupid Max just smiles. With his stupid face and his stupid white teeth and his stupid olive skin tone that practically fucking glows! Why couldn’t he be pasty like me?!
I hate literally everyone and everything right now.
The reality is like a throat punch. He has tattoos up and down his right arm, and I just know Cam is going to lick every single one of those slutty tattoos. Why can’t he look like a bridge troll? He even smells delicious, like spiced vanilla and cinnamon.I hate cinnamon!This asshole. “Bowen?”
“What?”
“We’re going to head out. Are you okay?” Am I okay? No, Camden. I am not okay. He’s about to fuck this actual real life Superman.
A bitter taste floods my mouth. “Go,” I force out. “I’ll be fine.” I try and smile. “I’ll be fine.” We’re only a few blocks away from my apartment. Suddenly my chest pulls tight. I’m struggling. I can’t do this. I can’t meet someone. I’m not this person! I’m not Cam.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think I forgot my inhaler.” My mind is a mess but I didn’t think I’d need it. I should have brought it.
Cam reaches into his pocket, pulling one out. I have a couple, and Cam always carries one on him. “You brought it?”
A soft smile spreads on his lips. “I figured you’d forget.”
I take it from him, squeezing the plastic in my hands, then shove it into my pocket. “Thanks.”
“I can stay for a bit . . . until you find someone . . .”
I glance up at Max, who’s still standing awkwardly between us. Cam doesn’t even look at him while he waits for me to get my shit together. I’m just nervous. It’s normal to be nervous.
And heartbroken.
No. This is good. This is what we need.
“Go. Without you here I’ll look available.” He purses his lips, looking around the bar. “Go,” I say.
“I mean it, Bowen,” he says more softly.
“Oh my god, why are you so obsessed with me? Go.”
That makes him smile. “Damn right I am.” He ruffles my hair, standing up.
“Don’t worry, Bowen, I’ll have him home by midnight.” Max winks.
“Ha, so funny!”Asshole.I hate him.
Finally I’m alone. They walk off, leaving me with this disgusting mold growing in my stomach. Taking a few deep breaths, I need to pull myself together. This is great. This is a reminder. Cam is not my person, so I need to find mine. Not tonight. Probably not tomorrow either, but I have to try.
This isn’t a queer bar, but there are several inclusive queer flags around the place. This is the trick, though, isn’t it? I have to actually find someone. Looking over the bar, my eyes stop on a White man nursing his drink at the bar. His curly brown hair is tousled, but I can’t see much of his face from here. He’s wearing an ombre-red shimmery top that looks see through under the light. I can see his back muscles, though, and okay . . . hello, delicious.
See. I can do this.
Now I just need to talk to him and not choke to death on my tongue.
You can do this, Bo. We got this. I grab my inhaler, taking a puff and letting it settle for a moment, before taking another. With my eyes closed I try to calm the rattling in my chest that has nothing to do with my shrinking lungs. I can do this. I can.
Downing the rest of my drink, I slide out of the booth and walk over to him. I feel safe approaching him. I see he’s looking at his phone . . . frowning. Then he puts it down with a sigh and takesanother drink. Even closer now, I see he’s wearing blush on his cheeks and subtle eyeshadow on his lids. It looks nice and clean. He’s very pretty.
This is my shot. You can do this, Bo!
