“Noah and I went lingerie and toy shopping.”
“Very productive day I think.” Cam laughs, kissing the side of my head. Is he going to freak out? I keep waiting for it. Instead, he settles more against me, and I don’t know what to do with this.
“Cam—”
He silences me with a kiss. “Not tonight. I don’t want to dissect it. I just want to lie here with you. Okay?” His fingers slide over the fabric then play with the skin above my belly button. “Don’t overthink.” Cam takes me into his arms completely, and I drown. His chin rests on the top of my head. I can smell the scent of the bodywash he must have used at work before he came home.
Tomorrow is going to suck. I already know it.
But for now I can pretend this is real. That Cam and I are meant for each other.
I’m so tired. I’ve been out shopping all day, and with the adrenaline now waning my eyes are growing heavy. “Take a nap, Bo.” Cam kisses the side of my head as I fall asleep in his arms.
Chapter 15
Bo
I’minbedalone.
My eyes are shut but I can feel it. It’s like this empty hollowness has filled the room, and I don’t want to open my eyes and confirm what I already know. I still can’t believe yesterday happened, and I have no idea what it means. I have no idea what came over me or Cam. After one the greatest orgasms I've ever had we watched a couple movies in awkward silence. I don't know what's happening.
What I do know is that he may not be attracted to other men, but he was more than turned on last night. Is it because we’re so close? I don’t know. Why now? That’s the question, why now? I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, but never has he even hinted of teetering on the queer balance beam.
Even as I fell asleep in his arms last night, I knew it wouldn’t last. It was hard to fully enjoy the warmth of him wrapped around me. Daring to open my eyes, my thoughts are sadlyconfirmed as I stare at Cam’s side of the bed. Reaching out my hand, I feel the sheets. Surprisingly they’re still warm. Maybe he didn’t spring out of bed early to freak out, then.
I guess it’s time to face this.
I get up to pee then brush my teeth, and I breathe in the humid cloud of Cam’s bodywash. So maybe he hasn’t been up for too long. I know he’s going to freak out, and I’m trying so hard to build up my armor and protect myself from the hurt I know is coming. I just hope we can get past this.
Last night was . . . a lot. I brace against the sink letting the memories flood me. I want to relive them and keep them, even if it hurts.
They’re all I’ll have left when he inevitably tells me it was a mistake again. Mentally, I’m too tired to care or think to much on it. Whatever’s going to happen will happen, and I just want to enjoy how it felt to be his.
Even if it was only for a few hours.
The way he looked at me, his eyes dripping with desire as he watched me. I’ve never had someone look at me like that. He came watching me come, and I will never forget the hooded gaze of his honey eyes as they locked onto me in his arms. It’s like he wouldn’t dare look anywhere else.
I will never forget it.
My dick starts to chub up, and I squeeze it hard. “I’ve had enough of your bullshit! You’re going to embarrass me.”
“Why are you strangling your dick?” I flinch, seeing Cam standing in my bedroom.
“Uh . . .” I look around. My lungs tighten. Drop. It! I let my dick go, taking a breath to still my beating nerves. My heart is racing. Shit. It’s hard to take a full breath. I hold my finger up, walking to my nightstand and taking a puff of my inhaler. “Just a sec.” I sit down and close my eyes, trying to focus. Just easy. Take it easy. Everything is fine. It’s fine.
I slowly open them to Cam standing right beside me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just scared me is all.” When my breathing becomes easier I get up, going to the mirror and making sure my hair isn’t sticking up everywhere. Smoothing it down, I jump a little when Cam comes up behind me. I try to focus on my reflection and not the six-foot pain in my ass behind me. I look tired. And mentally I am. I’m still wearing Cam’s shirt, which I’d slipped on last night after I showered.
Which reminds me. “Fuck.”
“What?”
I hold the shirt down, making sure it covers everything.
“What?” He smirks. “What are you hiding from me?”
