“Does he know how you feel?”
I think about it. He should, right? Yeah, okay, I’ve never outright said I have feelings for him, but shouldn’t he feel it? “It’s never come up.”
“What do you mean?” Jamie asks, which surprises me. “If you guys hook up, how doesn’t he know?”
I chew on the inside of my cheek. “Because whenever he brings up that we’re just hooking up, I agree. I um, I agree. I don’t tell him.”
“So he’s basically breaking your heart every time,” Mark says. And fuck, okay. I nod. “Bo.”
The nickname catches me in the stomach. The only person to ever call me that is Cam. “I know. I just can’t . . .” I swallow. “If I tell him I’m in love with him, then what? He loves me. I know that. But he’s notin lovewith me. It’ll just make everything worse. And weird.”
“You have to tell him,” Hunter says. “If you don’t, he’s going to keep hurting you, even if he doesn’t know it.”
“And we only met him once, but he clearly cares about you. I know he wouldn’t want to hurt you like that,” Mark adds.
What will hurt me more is Cam’s rejection. Then his awkwardness. Then suddenly we’re not hanging out, then barely speaking. The pity between us would be too much. “I can’t.”
Jamie leans forward, putting his elbows on the table. “Why don’t you guys come to the lake house with us?” Noah’s eyes whip to Jamie’s. “What?”
“Are you inviting people to our Christmas getaway?”
“Uh, yeah. Sorry, should I have—”
“You are so sexy.Ugh!” Noah grabs Jamie’s shoulders, shaking him. “Actively inviting friends to things. So proud of you, baby.”
“I need to smoke.” Jamie slides Noah off his lap and gets up. Hunter gets up too and—fuck, forgot he was naked. Damn. He slips on his boxers, then his jeans, then he follows Jamie out the back door.
“You’re going away for Christmas?”
Noah nods. “Just the week before Christmas. If you guys want to come, we’d love that. Mark and Hunter are coming. So are Bri and Xavi. Is Bakery Booty coming?” Noah asks Mark. Who the hell is that?
“Oh, um, no.” Mark sighs. “His mother’s gotten worse. I uh, think this will be the last Christmas they get together. His sister Jane is coming to stay with them for a bit. Hunter’s really upset.”
“Oh no.”
“Who is uh, Bakery Booty?”
“Hunter’s bestie, Sawyer,” Noah says.
“His mother has cancer, and he’s been taking care of her as well as running his bakery. It’s been a bit rough lately.” He tries to throw on a smile, but Mark’s eyes shine, then he clears his throat. “It’ll be fun, though. The lake house is beautiful this time of year with the snow covering the mountains.”
Maybe a weekend away will do me good. The restaurant closes for the month of December every year, and my other job closes for two weeks until the new year. Maybe I’ll see if Cam can get time off too. Then, after that, I’ll let him go for good. I can’t keep doing this—to either of us. Wanting him isn’t good for me. I need to let it go. It’s never going to happen the way I want, and I have to be okay with that.
I take out my phone to text Cam and ask if he wants to go. I click on his name, accidentally hitting the location button, andI’m about to shut it off and text him when I notice where he is. “Shit.”
Noah looks at me. “What?”
“It’s Cam.” All my problems go up in smoke. Cam, why? “Sorry Noah, I have to go.” I stand up. Nothing else matters right now.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Cam. He’s at his dad’s house.” Which is only something he does when the guilt starts to get to him. Why didn’t he say something to me? He said he was working out . . . But of course he did. If he’d told me, I would have stopped him from going. Or tried to. “I need to go.”
Chapter 16
Cam
Walkingintothehousewhere my father used to hurt me is always weird for me. This house instilled so much horror in me at such a young age, the fear of it is basically branded in my DNA. It’s hard to see anything but all the hurt I went through. I’m not sure who took care of it while my father was gone, or why he would even want to live here.
