“Bo—”
“Worst sex ever.” He smiles.
Some of the tension in my lungs eases. “Would you want to do it again?”
“What?”
“You know what?”
Bo thinks for a moment. “I think everything is kind of weird right now because of it.” I know he’s right. Things have been weird and messy.
Bowen deserves more than that. More than a mess. More than someone who’s second-guessing everything. More than someone who lives life stationary. Boring. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”
Bo’s quiet for a moment. His warm thighs weigh on my legs. We’re close like this, and like every other time, I feel like Bo will protect me. He’s done it all his life. People look at the two of us and assume shit. They look at my height and mass and see strength, but what they don’t know is my strength lies in a five-foot-six Cantonese boy with thick glasses and silky hair. What they don’t know is that Bo is my biggest protector. His arms are my favorite place on earth. I love his voice and the way he laughs. I love watching him write music and pull a new piece together. I love the way we argue and tease, brutalMario Kartgames and anime marathon nights.
I want this for the rest of my life. No matter what it looks like.
Why did it take Bo’s hands on me to wake me up to how I feel? It’s not new, but just like a mischievous spirit, I’ve acknowledged it. I gave it power, and now it won’t stop haunting me. “Cam?”
“Huh?”
“Can I be selfish for a minute?” he asks.
I smile at that. “You can be selfish always.”
Bowen swallows, sitting a little closer to me. “I want a real kiss.”
“What?”
His chest begins to rise a little faster. “Just one, without the extra stuff. Just a kiss. I want to see something.”
I’m weak, because this is the worst idea ever, and I want to do it so bad. Instead of answering him I pull forward, practically sitting him in my lap. I hold on to the rubber-coated chains,trying to balance us. Bo feels good in my lap, his lips right there. We’re alone out here now, and even if we weren’t. All I see is him.
“Kiss me, Cam.”
I lean down and drown. Soft heat sprinkles through my chest when his lips press gently to mine. I can’t believe how good this feels. It’s electric, and I can’t help moaning into his mouth a little. His tongue strokes tentatively against mine, and his small hands cup my face, pulling me closer. The sweats I’m wearing do fuck all to hide how good this feels. He moans a little more, kissing me deeper. Holding me closer.
I’m not sure what’s going on, but I know that a kiss has never made me feel like this before. “Excuse me!” We snap apart. Bowen climbs off my lap, face flaming. “This is a public park.”
“Shit.” I bite my lip, trying not to laugh. “Sorry, Bo.” He’s trying hard not to laugh too as he gets off the tire swing. “Sorry,” I say to the woman walking her dog. I mean, there are no kids out here at this time of day, but sure, lady, whatever. She just shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”
Bowen just laughs. “Homophobic Harriet can be mad all she wants. Worth it.” That didn’t even occur to me.
“Did you figure out what you needed to?” Because I’m as confused as ever.
“I don’t think so.” Bowen wraps his arms around my waist, and my own wrap around him like we’re magnetic. “What if we stop thinking, Cam? Just for the weekend.”
“What do you mean?”
Bo pulls out of my arms, looking at the grass. “I just mean, maybe for one weekend we don’t think about what’s right. Instead we just do what feels right.” He looks up at me and I don’t know, with the way those pretty brown eyes watch me, I’m ready to give him anything he wants.
“One weekend,” I muse. He nods. “No thinking.”
“No thinking, just doing what we want. Without second-guessing ourselves. Just do what feels right for us.”
His arms wrap around me again. “One weekend,” I agree, and he nods again with his head on my chest. One weekend with no questions, only doing what I feel is right. A test. A test to see where my limits are—if I even have any with him. A weekend to figure out my shit.
Hello, weekend.
