She put her bag of chips down and glared at me. “My only problem is being stuck in this realm.”
I reached over and tapped her chin. “You are darker than you realize, darling. I just want to see it.”
She smiled, her hazel eyes brightening excitedly. “Is that your kink? Getting off on other people’s past traumas? Is that why you’re plying me with food and books? Think I’ll tell you my deepest, darkest in exchange for a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie?”
“Would it work?”
“You tell me yours, and then maybe I’ll tell you mine. You didn’t see enough when you ransacked my mind?”
I picked up her hand and gave a light nibble on her index finger before putting it back down and looking away. She pressed her lips together but didn’t pull away when I grabbed her. I knew she liked me. Of course, she’d want to know my past. I couldn’t expect to know more about her if I wasn’t willing to do the same. Only sharing such a thing was something that came with a cost. Not only did it make me look weak, it also…hurt. And not in the good way. “You couldn’t handle my past.”
I felt her elbow hit my side, barely more than a tickle. “You have no idea what I can handle. Don’t act all coy now. Bare your soul to me. I promise I won’t be an asshole.”
She shifted down on the bed, resting on her side with her face propped on her hand, balanced by an elbow. She batted her lashes, eyes wide with expectation. Damn, she looked so…pretty in that moment. I wanted to grab her by the waist and pin her under me. I needed to nibble her lips and fill her until she called my name.
But I couldn’t have any of that. I knew that she would only give me the parts of herself that I craved if she trusted me. Screw it. I’d tell her everything, and if she backed away or pitied me, then so be it. That would tell me what I needed to know about her just as much as knowing her past.
I placed an arm behind my head and looked up at the ceiling. I hated talking about myself, so I’d have to give her the abbreviated version. Hopefully, she wouldn’t ask for too many details.
“I’m not full fae. My mother was human, and I was not born in the fae realm. I lived many years in the human world. It’s why you’ll find I know more human slang and terms than other fae. I also enjoy going…home and crossing the portal often. My father was a blood fae, and for a while, we all lived like your basic, happy little family. Then my father was called away to the fae realm to fight in a war between different fae courts. You don’t say no to the call. So, my mother and I were left behind to supposed safety. Only in my country, Ireland, a certain political party was on the rise, and they all but directly supported a growing anti-fae sentiment.”
I looked to her, and she was listening intently, forehead creased in a frown. I was sure she knew all about the anti-fae movement. It had crossed many western countries. Several fae groups had done some destructive things to humans and vice versa. Only no one bothered to separate the innocent from the good because fae were a minority. Even seelie fae, who had always had a positive relationship with humans, were persecuted. In several countries, fae were even rounded up and killed. Naturally, war occurred, and it was only in the last two decades that a shaky peace was reached between fae and humans.
“As you can imagine, times got tough for us. A very radical terrorist group came and committed many crimes in the name of cleansing the country of fae. And that included anyone who sympathized with fae. We tried not to draw attention to ourselves, but people already knew what I was. They had seen my father, who had been in the fae realm for about a year, our time. One night, they came to our neighborhood and attacked. My mother hid me, but they got her, and it was over. Then they found me and beat the shit out of me. Left me for dead to look at my dying mother on the ground…”
I didn’t want to say the words. To talk about the screams, the assault, and death. I’d heard, seen, smelled it all. I had been just a child, no more than eleven. Decades later, the images never left my mind. I’d changed that day, there was no doubt. But that wasn’t the end.
I felt Lila move closer to me and lay her head on my chest. I froze, not expecting that contact. A pat on the shoulder and an ‘oh, I’m so sorry, Xander,’ but not this unspoken intimacy. I didn’t know what to make of it. It disturbed me.
She sighed. “Got tired of balancing my head, and your chest is warm and comfy and shit. Keep talking, man.”
I snorted, wanting to kiss her head. I shouldn’t have been surprised by her. She wasn’t heartless, but she wasn’t going to show sympathy, something I would hate. And somehow, she knew this would be enough. This would be what I wanted. Contact without the pity.
I let out a shaky breath and continued. “When the group left, no one in the neighborhood who remained came for me. Maybe they thought I was dead at first, but when I crawled out of the burning house, they knew better. No one moved to even help me. I hid behind a restaurant nearby. Healing on my own and stealing food. Not even my mother’s family would accept me. Maybe they were afraid to take in a half-fae child. They were never close to us. They didn’t approve of my parent’s union. Never even bothered to get to know me. I wasn’t surprised. Anyway, if I hadn’t been half-fae, I would have died on the street.”
“What happened next? Did your father come back?”
“I lived alone for a few months. Stole for food, lived on the streets. Then dear old dad found me. Took me to the fae realm. It wasn’t a great place. This place might scare you, but the court my family is from, not this one, was harder. More wild creatures to be cautious of that liked to come out at night if you were in the wrong area. It was also very classist. There were slaves. My father was considered working class. And we were still at war. He left me with an aunt and uncle who looked at me like I was a pile of cow shit. They thought I was tainted because I was half-human.”
Anger at the memories grew inside me like a ball of fire. I was supposed to be over it all by now. I wanted to rage out again at just the thought that I was still so affected. I wanted to grab a knife and slice. Hurt. I bit my lip hard until it bled, then licked the blood away from my mouth. The act calmed me only a fraction.
“Well, Dad died in battle, and now, I was their burden. Long story short, they let me know how burdensome I was with their fists. They used me as their labor and told me I was worthless. Eventually, I got strong enough to leave and struggle on my own. Life continued to be shitty. Did things that I had to do to survive. Nothing I want to fill your head with. Then I met the guys. They wanted me to live better, but I said fuck that. No one cared about a half-breed. I wasn’t joining the military.”
I leaned up slightly, taking in her sweet scent. The smell of her somehow soothed me. My anger started to retreat, heat leaving the back of my neck and my face. She was like a healing tonic. No woman had ever had that effect on me before. It was confusing.
She tossed a leg over mine, bringing me back to my tale. "What made you change your mind?"
“Killing the men who killed my mother. I remembered their faces. We’d done our research. The group had gone underground, but they were not silent. I wish we could have killed them all. I had family in that group still active.”
My eyebrow twitched as anger threatened to return, but instead, I focused on the killing. Of how I had tortured and destroyed those bastards. How I laughed and sat in the blood and gore until eventually, Luca had to drag me out of the last house with a fight. “After that, I joined them. Okay, I first went and beat the shit out of my uncle and cousins back in the fae realm, and then I joined. So now you know my story. Does it make you want to spread for me?”
She punched me in my stomach, and it actually hurt. I didn’t mind the pain; it was just the reaction I was looking for. Anything to take away from the gloom of my memories.
She sat up with a stormy look in her eyes. “You make it hard to like you.”
I shrugged. “So, I’ve been told. Now, your turn.”
She crossed her arms. “I didn’t promise that I’d share. Only consider it.”
