I scrunched up my face. “Well, that’s not romantic talk.”
“This arrangement is not about romance. It’s about survival.”
“Meh, it could be about more.”
She lifted her head and looked at me with quizzical eyes, and I felt momentarily uncomfortable under her inquisitive gaze. Was I being too vulnerable? Did that make me look bad? What was she thinking? Was it that far out of the realm of possibility for us to get back together?
She poked me in the arm. “I’m being serious, Ivy. Tell me what happened.”
I smiled, nostalgic at her use of my nickname. She was the only one I didn’t mind calling me that. “So, I’m your Ivy again.”I slouched down on the couch. “Only when you want something, though. It doesn’t matter, you did what you did.”
She sucked her teeth. “You know that I had to.”
I wrinkled my nose, annoyed. She never let me help. “I know that, like always, you liked to fix everything on your own. For an elite, you are awfully independent. And stubborn.”
“And you’re avoidant when it comes to problems from those close to you. You think things aren’t as bad as they seem or that they’ll pass.”
“They usually do.”
“Well, this didn’t! Your family didn’t like me. They barely spoke to me. You said they weren’t big talkers, but that was a lie. I saw that clearly tonight. And I heard rumors from friends of friends about how awful your sisters talked about me. Every time I tried to mention it, you got defensive. Just like you did earlier when I told you my parents said your family was threatening to kill me. You didn’t want to acknowledge it. Neither of our families are highly moral, but only I seem to know that. So, yes, I made the decision to end things to save us because you weren’t going to help. You’d stay in denial until we were both dead.”
I frowned, sitting up. Her words had cut, and I wanted to retaliate. To tell her she was wrong. That she was trying to find a way to justify her actions or make her own family seem less deplorable. And the me from a few years ago might have done that. But the me of today was finally listening. The me of today felt relief at finally seeing the love of my life again. And the me of today knew, deep down, that Jalisa was absolutely right. I wouldn’t have listened. It would shake me too much to believe anything negative about my family. It still did. While I wasn’t ready to admit they could do any real harm beyond their words, I could admit that they didn’t like her as much as her family didn’t like me.
I released a deep breath, resolutely, and quickly patted her thigh. “I don’t want to argue with you, Lisa. I may not agree with how you handled things, but I now understand why you thought you had to. And I’m sorry.”
She waved me off, shaking her head. Despite how much she worked to demand respect, she had no problem with being modest in return. “Now will you tell me what happened to you after I left?”
“I don’t want to, but I will. I wasn’t in a good space, Lisa. You know how much I loved you. It ripped me apart when you left the second time. I felt guilty, angry, sad. Then when I found out you left town without a word, I got scared. I wondered if something had happened to you. I demanded answers from your family, who almost had me arrested for accosting them. I thought you’d come back, but the more time that passed the more depressing it all became. Even your friends had no answers. But sometimes I thought they were lying. I gained weight and drank too much. There was a period of time where my hygiene was highly questionable.” I chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. I was not someone I’d want her to see then. “I was miserable to be around for a long time.”
I stopped and stole a glance at her. She looked down at her hands, lips turned downward. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this. No wonder your family hates me even more than they already did. If they really believe this marriage is real, they're probably scared for you.”
I shrugged. “But I’m not worried.”
She shifted to face me, placing a hand on my thigh. “I’m sorry. About how I handled things.”
I tensed at her touch. Every bit of contact from her squeezed my heart. It was too much to be this near to her and not rush back into what we once had. To touch her how I wanted. I reached up and brushed the back of my fingers against her warmcheek. I wanted to touch more of her. Wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. Bury my nose into the crook of her neck and inhale her sweet scent until I fell asleep. “Tell me, did you hurt too?”
I didn’t mean to sound so vulnerable then. She pulled it out of me without even trying to. She leaned into my touch and closed her eyes, brows wrinkling. And I allowed myself to truly believe that this could all work out in the end. “Of course I did, Ivan. It tore me apart to break up with you, but I didn’t want you hurt. I loved you too much. Even when I thought you had easily gotten over me with that other fae, I was devastated. I tried to stay angry, but there were moments, dreams and memories of us when we were happy, that I couldn’t release. There were times I thought about going home, if just to see you. But I didn’t want to put you in danger. Having my parents here, among others, is not good. This was selfish of me.”
I shook my head and lifted her chin so that she would look at me again. “No, it wasn’t. I’m enjoying myself. I’ve liked reconnecting with you. So, I guess I’m selfish too.”
She looked down at my lips, then away again. A nervousness I hadn’t seen before swept over her face. I licked my own lips as I focused my gaze on her mouth, already tasting her on my tongue again and, without even realizing it, I began to lean forward. Only when she leaned away did I realize I had moved.
“That is not a good idea,” she said, sensing my intention.
“Why? Because you want it as much as I do? We’re married now. There’s nothing stopping us. The danger is over.”
She shook her head slowly, a worried look on her face. “That’s not true, Ivan.”
“Then let’s try my plan, which is to deal with it all together. We tried your way; it wasn’t that great. Now we have this opportunity. I can let go of the hurt and anger. Can you?”
She gazed at me silently, her face unreadable for a moment. But I knew her, the wheels were turning in her mind. Jalisa was an over-analyzer. She would agonize over a decision before she did anything. Except for when she lied to that alpha about us reconnecting. That had been spur of the moment and showed how desperate she was. I’m sure if she’d thought more about it, she would never have proposed such a thing. It was just my fortune she didn’t have the time.
Finally, she gave a dry laugh. “When did you get so mature?”
Before I could respond with something witty, she grabbed the back of my neck, leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. My heart leapt for joy, mouth-parted, wanting to taste more of her almond and cherry sweetness. Her tongue met mine with no hesitation and my chest tightened, head buzzy at the reconnection. How I wanted her in every way I could have her. I wanted to taste every part of her. Lick her buttery soft skin, sip the honeyed slick between her legs. I wanted to push into her dripping depths until I could move no more, locking with her for as long as time would allow. She must have felt the same because she was perfuming, draping the room with her aroma.
I deepened our kiss, gripping her tightly, and she moaned in my mouth, exciting me. I had to do more. I could not let this moment go. Could not give her time to think and pull away. “Let me please you.”
