Except I had a lot of desire for June. “The girls always enjoy your company.”
“I love hanging out with them.” She took a long pull from her ice water and glanced around the restaurant. Every table was full, and with the way we were sitting, we looked like we were on a date, cozied up on the same side of the booth.
June had garnered discreet attention all night. People murmured when they saw her, a few had stopped by to tell her they loved her music, and a couple of girls a little older than Bethany had asked for autographs, but otherwise, we’d been left alone.
I was tempted to lean in, chat with her like we used to, as if these booths were the entirety of our world. I kept my ass in place. “Is your writing coming around?”
Her soft smile went straight to my gut. “Yeah, it is. I think it’s really going to be a fresh album. Less heartbreak and more... appreciation. Hope.” Her full lips curved further. “Of course, there’s a fair share of missing-him songs. Those sell too well to not include.”
While I liked that she’d gotten her muse back, that she was healing from the bullshit caused by her manager, discontent settled hard in my stomach, right next to the ribs and mashed potatoes I’d just eaten. Her album would be a hit. I didn’t have to hear a single song to know. “Your tour is going to span the world?”
Excitement lit her eyes. “It’s going to be a year long. London, Paris, Sydney. Toronto, of course. So far, I have a few opening acts I’ve requested. Lucy shot down the ones I’ve scrolled past in my feed, but I’m going to talk to my new manager about how important it is to me. I shouldn’t have to be at the pinnacle of my career to finally have that much of a say.”
“But you do?”
She nodded. “It’s give and take, but sometimes I feel like I give up a lot more.”
The girls emerged from the hall of the bathroom, but they were waylaid by the display case full of specialty muffins and pies. Curly’s baked goods were on par with his buns. He pimped Copper Summit bourbon in those too. I kept trying to copy his bourbon butterscotch muffins.
“Do you get to visit all the places you perform in?” I threaded my napkin through my fingers.
She didn’t respond right away. “I love performing. The crowd. The connection. It’s intoxicating to connect with that many people at once. I never forget that it’s their support that makes my job possible. I love it.” Her smile mirrored the joy she received on stage, then she looked down and grew serious. “But there’s not often time to play tourist. And it does get lonely,” she finally said. She leaned on her elbow and faced me, giving us the illusion of more privacy. “It’s rare these days that my family can meet me in a city and travel around. Sometimes, I’ve had someone, but often, if they were on tour with me, they had their own obligations.”
I shredded my napkin. Her fucking worthless boyfriends.
“I’m not going to let that stop me this time.” She shook her head. “I’ll have more say about my schedule than when I joined another performer’s tour. I’ll be busier, but it’ll be an experience of a lifetime. I don’t know. Maybe Lucy was onto something, and I have to date my opening act.”
“The fuck you do.” Anger was a firebrand against my ribs. “You don’t need a fucking man to do what you want.”
“But it’d be nice to have someone to do things with. I’m surrounded by people on the road and it’s lonely. I bought homes, thinking that’d help. I played in Florida a lot and I love the beach, but I hardly get to use it. I think New York City is amazing and so different from Montana or Nashville. Same with LA.”
“I hated both those cities.”
“Because you were alone too?”
Any response died on my tongue. The topic of my mom was off-limits. Why had I even alluded to my experiences as a kid alone in the city?
The feelings from that time roared back. Alone and scared. Eating out of a can. Mom would sometimes be gone overnight, and I’d be in charge of getting myself to school.
I massaged the middle of my forehead. I’d never leave the girls overnight. They could be eighteen and I’d still feel like shit if I left them.
Eating out of a can?
Acid swelled in my stomach, churning away at my dinner. Bethany and Hannah helped me with meals, but they’d never had to eat alone while wondering when I would get home. They’d never had to go to bed wondering if I’d be there to take them to school in the morning.
I’d blocked out so many individual experiences, I’d forgotten what my childhood had been like. Or the things Mom had said.If it wasn’t for you, I’d be so much further ahead by now.
“Rhys? Are you all right?” June’s warm breath wafted across my cheek.
I shoved those memories to the far recesses of my mind. My kids didn’t have to experience what I hadbecause they had a nice, stable home. I made sure of it. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t like cities.”
Her eyes narrowed on me, but just as she opened her mouth, the girls returned to the table.
I snatched the opportunity for escape. “What was the best-looking muffin?”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
June
